To think a mother doesn’t just walk away from her crying daughter?

[Whatlove]

I’m really upset.
My DS is on his fourth stinking cold since September. He’s been coughing all
weekend and none of us got any sleep. He’s 13 but I feel like we’ve gone back in time to when he was at nursery and got every infection going.

We were meant to be going on a family day out today but as DS is unwell my DH and older son went without us. After I dropped them off my mum saw me get out of car (she was walking home past my house after shopping) and asked what was wrong. I clearly looked awful. I said how worried about DS being unwell again I am, how it was overwhelming constantly worrying if he’s well enough to go to school, how he’s had time off already and school aren’t happy etc etc I said we’d been looking forward to our day out and instead we’re stuck at home.

She could see how upset I was (the tears would be a giveaway) but muttered something about giving him vitamins (I already do) said bye and walked off.

I can’t imagine leaving my child (even a grown up child!) visibly upset without saying something or offering to come in & make them a cup of tea or generally offer some comfort. Didn’t even ask or want to see poor DS. She lives round the corner from me & wasn’t rushing off anywhere so not a time thing.

I don’t know why I’m so upset. My childhood was spent with no emotional support, she can only do superficial chit chat, nothing serious. I guess I just want a mum. I really don’t want to see her anymore, what’s the point.

Jesus christ there's some nasty bitches popped up on this thread. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

I get it OP, you wanted your mum to offer comfort when you were upset and the fact she didn't is hard to take. My mum can be a bit like this. Only wants to hear the good stuff.

Also, surely we never stop worrying about our children no matter how old they are. Whether the OPs son is 3 or 13, so what. she's allowed to be struggling to see him poorly. No one here should be judging that.

I hope he's feeling better soon OP 💐

She sounds very cold OP I couldn't leave my child crying, no. I don't think I could just walk away from anyone who was crying to be honest!

However I do also agree that you're a little OTT over a cold - my kids are the same and picking up every bug going but if they're sick, they're sick and there's not much you can really do about it. It's stressful but you're overreacting.

Still think your mum was a cow, though.

Wow, some of the posts here are plain nasty. Kick a woman when she's down hey!!

Sending you a big hug OP.
My Dd11 has been off with some kind of bug for 3 weeks and I've been worried about her, I mean I'm pretty sure I'll worry about my children until the day I pop my clogs! I get it. Especially with all the scares at the moment with strep and scarlet fever.

All of my family have had this virus for around 6 weeks between us and it is draining. Nurse at the doctors told me it's probably a strain of flu and can take weeks to recover from.

My mum is supportive, constantly checking in on how her grandchildren (and I) are so YANBU.

Hope your son gets well soon x

Even if you think your adult child is overreacting, it’s still human to show some empathy and support. You can show kindness and support and- at another time - gently broach what triggered off the episode. Honestly! I’ve definitely cried over silly things…actual silly things, and not even as stressful as what the OP is experiencing!

OP mind has recently been catching things very easily these days. I find it so stressful so I completely get you. Hope he turns a corner soon.

My son was an independent 13 year old, tall and sporty. He had a run of illnesses, not unlike your son. One night he came and asked could he get into bed with my husband and I as he felt so low. He said he just wanted not to feel ill. He got better eventually but I can understand how tough you are finding things. Hope you are all well soon

Oh op you’re not being unreasonable. I completely understand why this hurt you. You just wanted some emotional support and I get that. I hope your son is better soon. You sound like a lovely mum. I’m 34 but my mum still worries when I’m poorly. Not really sure why some of the posters on here are being so cruel.
hope your son is back to full health soon. Sending hugs and a strong cuppa x

If you’re often quite dramatic & teary, she may be fed up with it. She might have her own problems & can only take so much.

My mum is like this. The feeling of 'I want a mum' and not knowing what that's actually like has only intensified since my daughter was born. She's tiny but I can't ever imagine doing it to her because I know how crushing it is.

It is impossible to tell who is unreasonable as we do not understand the context of your relationship with your mother. Your mum may struggle with anyone being upset. Or she may struggle with people being over dramatic.

I struggle with people who are over dramatic and blow up very every day things into a big issue. And I avoid people like this. It can be very draining being around people like this.

And Jesus Christ, why are people on here so obsessed with spotting and shooting down 'drip feeds'? People don't need to give their entire life history in their OP. This is the real world, it's just extra information, not a bloody drip feed. The question wasn't 'am I being unreasonable for being upset' and as a PP said, the OP never said she was being particularly rational. She just felt like shit and needed to let it out. And then had to give extra context because some worryingly hard of understanding twats on here made her feel like she had to justify herself for having a wobbly moment.

It sounds as if your Mum isn’t an emotionally supportive person, and that’s hurtful. I do understand, however, why she didn’t come to your house, I’m assuming she’s 60-plus and it’s not a good idea to expose herself to a bad cold.

Unfortunately, you need to accept that she’s not the Mum you want her to be-I’ve had to accept that my Dad isn’t the Dad I’d like him to be and never will be. It’s sad, but it’s easier when you accept it. 💐

Can’t believe how spiteful some posters have been to the OP.

OP - I hear you and sending sympathy.

@Borgonzola Do you really never get irritated at the kind of people who need to let it out all the time over very minor issues?

I hate it when parents are made to worry about absence at school rather than about the health of their children. Let your son to have a lot of time to rest and get well. Its just a blo* school.
Sorry its so tiring and worrying for you. He will get better!

@Whatlove sorry you're getting lashed here.

On your son, I'm not in UK but being 13, did he start a jew secondary/highschool this year?
My friends son also 13, started highschool and has been sick sooo much for months. And really knocked out like flu each time. He's had bloods done now and all looked ok but seemingly 13 can be the toddler nursery exposure all over again.
Hormones, growth spurts, social stress, physically more exposure to more pupils and viruses in highschool.
She is worried too. Her mom (his grandmother) was worrying too!! You're not unreasonable to be concerned with back to back sicknesses.
Not everyone will feel that way, and it sounds like your mom has a history of not being emotionally available, and of course it's ok for you to be feeling the loss/grief of that.

Hope he improves soon and it is just a ramp up on immune system training and that all will settle soon

Why are people being so mean on this thread? Nursing a sick child can be exhausting, especially if you’re up all night, and there’s nothing like sleep deprivation to smash your emotional well being. And then to miss out on a holiday that you’ve been looking forward to… I’d have felt down in the dumps too!

No OP you were not asking too much if you were hoping for a bit of kindness while you’re feeling overwhelmed. I hope you found a way to give it to yourself! Your mum sounds like she’s maybe just not go the tools ☹️ Sad for you both

*new highschool!

I remember when I was pregnant a few years ago, a loud bang scared me and I started to cry in the middle of a carpark. My husband was so sweet and comforted me then got me a cupcake to cheer me up. It didn't matter that I was crying over something silly. He had the emotional maturity to understand that my tears were an expression of something.

A few weeks ago, I could not get a bit of dried in weetabix off the floor. I'm currently sleep deprived with a baby and at that moment I honestly had to fight back tears. I called one of my friends and told her that I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown over dried weetabix. She got it, empathised and we laughed about it afterwards.

Last year I was in work and my colleague just starting crying out of nowhere. Turns out she hadn't been sleeping well and had got her period that morning. I gave her a hug and we had a chat about sleep deprivation (common theme) and periods and she composed herself and that was that.

How anyone can walk past someone who is crying is beyond me. Op, a seemingly small stress that has gone on over time, coupled with tiredness, is bound to make anyone feel worn down. Crying is a brilliant reset button, especially if other people can just be there for you in those painful few moments when the dam bursts. When that moment of vulnerability is ignored, it hurts. It doesn't matter what someone is crying about on the surface, because emotions are so complex and you many not be aware of 10 other subtle factors that's are influencing the emotion at that point. It's always better to err on the side of compassion than not, in these situations. It doesn't have to be a drawn out monologue or huge display of affection. A rub on the shoulder, 'I see you're upset...I'm sorry you're finding things tough'. The end.

Yanbu OP. Have a huge hug from me.I hope your son gets better soon and you get some R&R for yourself 💐

No one said you shirk don’t worry about your kids but as they grow older you don’t continue to treat then like babies do you? Do you still wipe your 21 year olds butt when he or she goes to the toilet? Does that mean you don’t love to worry anymore?

A gentle word of advice:
Don't post on AIBU when you are feeling sensitive. It is somewhere to go if you want to be jolted out of your current world view, not somewhere to find a virtual hug.

That over, your mum is right about vitamins. You can increase the dose - Vitamin D3, vitamin C and zinc. Morning and evening. And if he has an upper respiratory tract infection then salt water gargles and/or salt water nasal rinses - literally breathe the boiled, cooled salt water up into your nose and sinuses. Salt not only helps clear out the gunk, it kills viral and bacterial matter, making it easier for you to make a quick recovery. And lastly - sleep. It sound like you both need some. I hope your son gets well soon.

This! My kids understand this concept - sometimes the last little thing tips you over the edge. The nastiness on this thread is breathtaking (i have a theory that you get the measure of a person during hard times - the ones that turn nasty and try to spread their suffering, are nasty deep down, the ones who are suffering but still want to make things better for others are the truly nice people). Yes, you totally deserved a hug from your mum, and I'm sorry she couldn't give it to you - I'm sure you're a better mum to your own children.

@antelopevalley when did OP say that she does it all the time?

You can tell when someone has got everything on top of them and needs to just let it out. I find it generally comes out as being a bit teary. The ones who never stop moaning are just that - moaners, jawing on about themselves. Can't stand a moaner, but I can't help but feel compassion for someone who is feeling beaten down by life and is having what is probably a bit of an embarrassing and inconvenient cry.

I suppose some people just aren't very good at other people's feelings.

God, it’s like some people have really poor comprehension skills and didn’t read the bit about having no emotional support as a child.
Op, I know exactly how you feel my 12 yo has been very feverish and was drifting in and out of sleep all day. I was very concerned. Why wouldn’t I be? - he’s still my child and there’s no age limit on love and care. I’m very lucky to have a mum who thinks the same. I’m so sorry you don’t have this @Whatlove