To think a mother doesn’t just walk away from her crying daughter?

[Whatlove]

I’m really upset.
My DS is on his fourth stinking cold since September. He’s been coughing all
weekend and none of us got any sleep. He’s 13 but I feel like we’ve gone back in time to when he was at nursery and got every infection going.

We were meant to be going on a family day out today but as DS is unwell my DH and older son went without us. After I dropped them off my mum saw me get out of car (she was walking home past my house after shopping) and asked what was wrong. I clearly looked awful. I said how worried about DS being unwell again I am, how it was overwhelming constantly worrying if he’s well enough to go to school, how he’s had time off already and school aren’t happy etc etc I said we’d been looking forward to our day out and instead we’re stuck at home.

She could see how upset I was (the tears would be a giveaway) but muttered something about giving him vitamins (I already do) said bye and walked off.

I can’t imagine leaving my child (even a grown up child!) visibly upset without saying something or offering to come in & make them a cup of tea or generally offer some comfort. Didn’t even ask or want to see poor DS. She lives round the corner from me & wasn’t rushing off anywhere so not a time thing.

I don’t know why I’m so upset. My childhood was spent with no emotional support, she can only do superficial chit chat, nothing serious. I guess I just want a mum. I really don’t want to see her anymore, what’s the point.

See just look at how rude you are.

Seriously, there is absolutely no need for your comments. The OP sounds desperate and is clearly incredibly upset and exhausted. But it’s okay, calling her melodramatic will suddenly thoughen her up won’t it?

I’m not melodramatic I just have empathy for others who are clearly struggling and are in need of support. Not everyone has the same resilience and rational thinking as you.

Think it’s 2 triggers here, reaching out to your mum for comfort and not getting it (again and again and again, leaves a void that really cannot be easily filled) and secondly any illness your child gets is going to be nerve racking for you and bring up painful feelings. Those two painful reminders of the past at the same time may feel pretty awful.

Honestly your mum is never going to be who you want her to be. Therapy for that would be good. Hope your son starts feeling better soon x

Wait till he goes to uni. It really doesn't get any better. If you can't cope now....A bit fed up yes, but in tears is a bit of an overreaction.

Even before your drip feed its clear you needed a bit of a hug a bit of kindness honestly wouldn't have hurt

Such a mystery why "Be Kind" is primarily aimed at women isn't it?

Do tell us what medical school you went to. And I must tell the Neurosurgeon about what an expert you are on brain tumours, I’m sure he will be impressed 🙄🙄🙄

And the fact that you insisted on saying “my child actually had a malignant tumour” clearly shows you think there’s some sort of hierarchy of sick kids with tumours.

I hope people showed you more empathy about your child than you’ve bothered to show on this thread.

Take it at face value. She didn't want to catch his cold. And went home. You can catch up another day when life is less stressful.

I don't see my parents when the DC are unwell. They stay away.

If my adult dd burst into tears in front of me, for whatever reason, there is no way that I'd just walk off and leave her to it.

UCL.

Just google it, it's not hard to understand.

You either didn't read the reason I mentioned this or you have issues wth comprehension.

Some of the responses would have been different if you had mentioned the brain tumor from the beginning but I think you know that

There's so much going around atm , me and my 2 youngest have been ill for 5 weeks now with one thing or another it's draining

Gosh that sounds bloody hard, best wishes to you. It’s so bloody stressful and scary I know.

Christ, I used to cry to my mum about all sorts of silly shit, she would never have ignored me!

Also, some fucking nasty wankers on this thread.

So how long have been a Neurosurgeon? And why aren’t you keeping up to date with the latest thinking on what used to be called “benign” tumours?

Or are you in fact just full of shit!

Can not believe some of the comments, no matter how old they are, when a child is ill it does affect the whole family, if the child keeps catching one cold after another this can be a huge stress.
Some of the people here made it seem like as if the DP's feelings had no value. Even if you are an adult you still expect a shoulder to cry on or a nice cup of tea made for you especially from your parent. Everyone's strength is different,
we need to be more compassionate.

Absolutely! There are some benign tumors that are locally invasive which can be an issue, particularly in structures such as the brain.

I am not a neurosurgeon. I know what the difference between malignant and benign means. Unlike yourself.

You sound like you need to do some yoga or something. Good night!

Did you express your need for support at that time because she may have thought you needed some alone time (and that grandson could use some rest). She may have also felt her being there and asking was causing you distress

Wow what a horrible twat you are.
Your kids are still your kids whatever their age.

Mine would do the same OP. I haven't read the whole thread but you have my absolute sympathy, it sounds really tough, your poor DS.

My mother doesn't want to know anything remotely emotionally negative and was emotionally distant throughout my childhood.

I'll never forget her telling me to pull myself together after the most terrible thing happened to my DC. She has no bloody idea.

I'm LC, it is the only way.

Or you could just, you know, apologise for chattering shite...

OP of course you are not being unreasonable to a) worry about your ds (he's 13 not invincible) and b) wish your mum was, well, a mum really. My ds aged 14 was sick recently and turned out to be very sick indeed (3 weeks in hospital) and it was great to be able to talk to my mum about my worries and have her sympathise.

It sounds like this incident with your mum is the tip of the iceberg and I don’t blame you for feeling let down by her.

My mum has her moments, but she would have certainly given me a hug in that moment! She often half-jokingly, half-kindly says I’m still her baby at times like that (even though I’m sickeningly close to 40)!

I don’t think you are overreacting OP. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t imagine acting that way with my children. Ever. No matter what age they were 💐

PP has text comprehension issues. Perhaps you do too?

I agree with this. It isn’t just about this one incident, which in isolation (if the relationship with her mum was a healthy one) would appear to be a bit melodramatic.

The OP also sounds exhausted and worn down with the ongoing worries about her DS’s health.

Give the OP a break, she is obviously exhausted and sleep deprived and probably run down herself! Sounds like you needed a hug from your mum, and I would have felt the same. Ignore the haters on this post... try and get some rest and realise we all aren't made of stone! Lack of sleep and worry can make all of us emotional. Hope your son feels better soon xxx