To think a mother doesn’t just walk away from her crying daughter?

[Whatlove]

I’m really upset.
My DS is on his fourth stinking cold since September. He’s been coughing all
weekend and none of us got any sleep. He’s 13 but I feel like we’ve gone back in time to when he was at nursery and got every infection going.

We were meant to be going on a family day out today but as DS is unwell my DH and older son went without us. After I dropped them off my mum saw me get out of car (she was walking home past my house after shopping) and asked what was wrong. I clearly looked awful. I said how worried about DS being unwell again I am, how it was overwhelming constantly worrying if he’s well enough to go to school, how he’s had time off already and school aren’t happy etc etc I said we’d been looking forward to our day out and instead we’re stuck at home.

She could see how upset I was (the tears would be a giveaway) but muttered something about giving him vitamins (I already do) said bye and walked off.

I can’t imagine leaving my child (even a grown up child!) visibly upset without saying something or offering to come in & make them a cup of tea or generally offer some comfort. Didn’t even ask or want to see poor DS. She lives round the corner from me & wasn’t rushing off anywhere so not a time thing.

I don’t know why I’m so upset. My childhood was spent with no emotional support, she can only do superficial chit chat, nothing serious. I guess I just want a mum. I really don’t want to see her anymore, what’s the point.

Sunday night vipers are out in force, I see.

Don't pay any notice, OP. They're just taking out their aggression over their gas bills, I imagine.

It doesn't matter what you're upset about, your mum was very unkind and it can be such a raw pain when our mums don't acknowledge our emotions - sounds like you're an AMAZING mum though, focus on your family. 💐

I get it, OP. It isn't much fun when your mother isn't there for you. No suggestions as I have the same problem, unfortunately. Sending you unmumsnetty hugs.

Blimey at some of these comments. I have grown up children and still worry about them when they have a run of illnesses. I suspect op was upset at missing the day out and having to deal again with an arsey secondary school.

Sorry your mum was so unsympathetic OP. Hope your son is better soon.

I thought you were being OTT, but as a fellow brain tumour mum, I think it's different. There's so much stuff about why they're immune system is rubbish, whether it's just bad luck or whether it's brain etc. We are fairly new on this road, but I can't imagine there'll ever come a time that I don't worry about my daughter's health.

We are on bug number 16 I think, this year. Urgh.

And remember what pp or people in general say is all about THEM, not a judgement on you.
Pity them. I do

You people with no sympathy are going to grow up and be the mum leaving their crying child at the car!!!!

Your child is still your child no matter the age and I fully empathise with you OP!

People telling you to get a grip need to get a grip themselves, you're allowed to feel emotional after what seems like endless sickness and life just building up on top of you regardless of the child's age!!!

Is there a reason you lack any empathy or kindness?

I’m going to guess the OP’s emotional state has something to do with her lack of sleep. Most parents know lack of sleep can lead to some illogical reasoning.

I understand OP my mum would have sat me down and given me a hug and then told me nicely I was being a bit silly. Sometimes when we are being a bit overdramatic, we need a parent to be a little sympathetic as they tell us to calm down a bit. My dad on the other hand would have said we’ve all been there despite not doing a day of childcare in his life and wittered on about his new car not being up to snuff or something.

Some narrow minded comments on here. You don't stop worrying once your child becomes a teen! And I think everyone is clearly missing the issue, OP is feeling overwhelmed, clearly not getting much rest and having the school on her back, no doubt making nonsense threats about attendance, she is quite obviously feeling the pressure. And her mum walks off in her time of need!.. OP my mum is like this, I could be crying and she would just walk off, it is cold and heartless.

Also feel the same feelings of confusion re my own dm, no emotional support and I've been setting boundaries to protect myself and my children recently and feeling so conflicted!!

It’s obviously brought up a lot of feelings from the past. You are completely entitled to want some comfort from your mother when you’re feeling upset. How hard is a kind word and a hug. Some people just can’t deal with emotions.

Awwww OP, I’m so sorry. People are being really weirdly mean. Clearly you were just having a shitty day off the back of a shitty few months and feeling down about the day being ruined. Sorry your mum didn’t pick up on what you needed, some people just aren’t great with visible emotion.

Virtual hug and cuppa. 💐

OP do not let bitches on this site upset you!
I can totally understand why it all felt overwhelming as you and your son sound like you've had a long hard month of illness.
An offer for a cuppa or even a hug would not have hurt your mum.
I hope your son feels better real soon.

Block all the nasty comments out. Trust what the kind people are saying. Your feelings are absolutely and totally valid!

This really isn’t about DS having a cold and his age. People are missing the point.

At any age, for any reason, for a mum to just ignore her upset daughter and not offer any comfort, a chat, nothing, is really unempathetic and unmaternal. I don’t blame you for being annoyed at your mum OP

Sorry OP but crying over a teenager having a cold is massively OTT. I’d be thinking “I don’t have time for this” if you started crying in the street to me. In the nicest possible way, do you think this anxiety could be rubbing off on your kids?

@Chartreuse45 I have never heard that before and I am a Jewish mother! How gorgeous and funny!

Aw OP, YANU to be so down. YABU to hope your mum would have been emotionally supportive. You already know that's beyond her capabilities. Always has been. It's shit but it's not going to suddenly change. Dust yourself off. Get the emotional support from your "own" family. Your DS must be sad he's missed out today too. Take it easy. Take comfort in knowing this too shall pass. By Christmas you will hopefully all be well and happy and this crappy time a distant memory. Then prepare yourself for the next round of colds and flu by middle of January. :)

I’m with you 100%, @Whatlove 💐

Maybe she didn’t want to catch whatever it is. We are all ill for nearly two weeks now and I will be giving anyone ill a wide berth going forward the rest of this winter.

Or maybe she is just awful. In which case sorry OP

There's some monsters on here. A mother feeling upset that her DC is ill is perfectly normal. Ok, a cold might not be particularly serious but the ops DC had been ill multiple times recently. It's horrible seeing them unwell, missing school and feeling rotten.

Didn’t even ask or want to see poor DS.

Why would your mum want to come in and see a 13 year old with a cold?

I’d think this is the exact reason why she didn’t come in your home - why would she want to get poorly too?

It sounds like you’re a bit run down and it’s making you overly emotional.

Your mum didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not fair that you are trying to blame her.

I’d try and work out what is actually making you feel this way (is it one thing in particular or just an accumulation of things like illness, Christmas etc) and then try and deal with that, instead of taking your anger out on innocent people.

Unfortunately there’s a lot of nasty people on this forum. They do get a kick out of kicking people when they are down. In truth your reaction is probably a little OTT but clearly there’s a backstory and it wasn’t nice for your mum to just walk off like that. Hope your son is better soon OP

"My childhood was spent with no emotional support"

Nothing has changed then. She's clearly not equipped to give you what you want. Leopards and spots and all that.

Sorry you're feeling shitty though

He is 13, why on earth are you not getting sleep? He should be off with just a cold. You give him painkillers and a decongestant and send him to school.