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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think a mother doesn’t just walk away from her crying daughter?

277 replies

Whatlove · 11/12/2022 19:13

I’m really upset.
My DS is on his fourth stinking cold since September. He’s been coughing all
weekend and none of us got any sleep. He’s 13 but I feel like we’ve gone back in time to when he was at nursery and got every infection going.

We were meant to be going on a family day out today but as DS is unwell my DH and older son went without us. After I dropped them off my mum saw me get out of car (she was walking home past my house after shopping) and asked what was wrong. I clearly looked awful. I said how worried about DS being unwell again I am, how it was overwhelming constantly worrying if he’s well enough to go to school, how he’s had time off already and school aren’t happy etc etc I said we’d been looking forward to our day out and instead we’re stuck at home.

She could see how upset I was (the tears would be a giveaway) but muttered something about giving him vitamins (I already do) said bye and walked off.

I can’t imagine leaving my child (even a grown up child!) visibly upset without saying something or offering to come in & make them a cup of tea or generally offer some comfort. Didn’t even ask or want to see poor DS. She lives round the corner from me & wasn’t rushing off anywhere so not a time thing.

I don’t know why I’m so upset. My childhood was spent with no emotional support, she can only do superficial chit chat, nothing serious. I guess I just want a mum. I really don’t want to see her anymore, what’s the point.

OP posts:
Redkettle · 12/12/2022 07:19

Fuck this thread makes me hate people

Battlecat98 · 12/12/2022 07:21

Hi op how is your son this morning? I hope you managed to get some sleep. Do you have work today?
It's a tough time of year for respiratory illness. I can see why you worry so much about your ds given his history.
I am sorry you have received some horrible responses, sometimes you just need to someone to listen. Your dm sounds like mine but, I guess you always hope this time it will be we different.

I really hope today is better for you all.

Themind · 12/12/2022 07:52

I wouldn't particularly want to visit someone with a a bad cold TBH. You'd get sympathy from a distance but no visit. It appears hat is isn't about the cold though its the lack of emotional support from your mum over the years.

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 12/12/2022 07:55

It can be very draining being around people like this.
But it’s never hard work to be around un-empathetic people is it? Man up, chin up, you’re so dramatic, stop crying, you’re pathetic, pull yourself together…… god it’s so fucking toxic. We have emotions, it’s not healthy to pretend otherwise.

70billionthnamechange · 12/12/2022 07:59

@Loki01 you need a holiday. And a fucking slap!

wingsandstrings · 12/12/2022 10:30

I'm sorry about all the mean comments. You were sleep deprived, you were worried about your son's health, and you were sad that a fun family day had been cancelled. Seems perfectly reasonable to have a little cry. Also, people are purposefully misunderstanding your message so they can have some mean little jibes - you are not worried because DS 'has a cold' but because he has had a series of viruses and I assume that you are concerned for his over-all immunity and what this says about his health more generally (particularly since he has the ongoing issue of the brain tumour). Clearly your mother is not very emotionally intelligent. I'm sorry that you can't get the support you need and deserve from her.

Sophie89j · 12/12/2022 11:32

I’m sorry your child is catching everything going, it seems since Covid every child is these days but it does sound like an overreaction crying over a lost day out and a poorly 13 year old. He’s probably gutted about missing the day out and having to miss time with friends in school from being so unwell. I hope he didn’t see you crying or it could make him feel a lot worse than he already does but it is healthy if you felt that overwhelmed to let it out.

FlissyPaps · 12/12/2022 11:33

@Whatlove I hope you and your family are all feeling a bit better today 💐

Sophie89j · 12/12/2022 11:34

Apologies if I sounded unkind, I hadn’t read regarding the tumour.

Plumbear2 · 12/12/2022 11:38

I'm sorry this has happened. And sorry for all the negative comments. I have grown up kids and teenagers and still worry about them as much now as I did when they where small. I often need a kind word or hug when one of them is ill.

MummyInTheNecropolis · 12/12/2022 11:42

I’m sorry OP, it is hard when kids are ill no matter how old they are, you never stop worrying, of course you needed some support and you should have had it from your mum.

For what it’s worth, I’m off work today as my DD is unwell, and she’s 17! She has some kind of flu and was up all night crying and vomiting, there was no way I could just leave her. She does also suffer mental health issues so doesn’t cope well with illness, and I find it just as hard coping with her being ill now as I did when she was a toddler.

Sceptre86 · 12/12/2022 11:42

Your initial post males you sound like a drama llama and so I wouldn't be surprised if your mum was fed up with hearing it. Your subsequent posts absolutely explain why your ds being ill so frequently sets you on edge. You should have mentioned that in your op. The only advice I can give is to try your absolute best not to look for empathy from someone who has none to give even if she is your mum. She either has chosen not to or can't provide you with what you are looking for. It's sad. I'd reach out to other friends and family op who might make an attempt to comfort you or give you the listening ear you cracked I really hope your lo starts to feel better soon. You aren't being unreasonable at all. x

RandyMandyy · 12/12/2022 11:53

WOW - some of the responses on here!

Yesterday I cried because I sloshed too much milk in my cup of tea FFS! Altho it was actually due to exhaustion, hormones and 100 other things weighing on my mind.

You know what my husband did? He told me to stop being a bellend, gave me big hug, made me another cup of tea and told me to go and watch a film with the kids while he made dinner. And after that my day was fine. Because someone cared for me and sometimes that's actually what you need, to know that someone cares and is there to support you when it all gets too much.

Your mum likely has her own issues but it may have hurt and YANBU.

Islandpotter · 12/12/2022 11:59

I wonder if you are feeling a bit under the weather too. Sometimes viruses can make you feel low and hopeless because they affect the brain or because you are exhausted. Self check: is this like you? Or a symptom. Sending hugs anyway.

xogossipgirlxo · 12/12/2022 12:01

Given that you had no emotional support from her, don't expect much. Sad, but true. Try to forget about it and move on. All the best to your family OP x

Brightstarowl · 12/12/2022 12:14

RunLolaRun102 · 11/12/2022 19:22

She probably had to scarper before she burst out laughing. Is there a reason why you had such an ott reaction to a 13 yo with a cold?

Who are you to gate keep emotions?

What a bloody hideous response.

Brightstarowl · 12/12/2022 12:16

She sounds like a typical cold hearted boomer like mine....

Please ignore the spiteful turds who think they can gate keep emotions on here.

I realy hope he recovers soon and that your week gets better. 💐

diddl · 12/12/2022 12:17

Even if she didn't want to come in or needs to take the shopping home it's not difficult to say that it is?

To say sorry you can't stop but you'll phone whe you get home.

antelopevalley · 12/12/2022 12:17

Typical cold-hearted boomer?
I suspect you have had a very easy life to say something like that.

diddl · 12/12/2022 12:18

She sounds like a typical cold hearted boomer like mine....

🙄

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 12/12/2022 12:26

I understand. Your mum isn’t being the mum that you need her to be. It’s not just about this incident but it’s this piled on top of years of a lack of emotional support.

Your DS will be fine I’m sure. Mothers of very young children think that thirteen year old boys are practically adults and don’t need much care (I know this because I was guilty of thinking like that!). Or maybe some of the posters are like your mum in character…

It’s difficult when they’re ill and the school are putting pressure on you. Especially early in the academic year when it affects their attendance percentage more. The school office never seemed capable of understanding that two weeks off in September means a fifty percent attendance for that month but would be far less later in the year🙄.

Brightstarowl · 12/12/2022 12:27

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 11/12/2022 19:41

Sorry OP but crying over a teenager having a cold is massively OTT. I’d be thinking “I don’t have time for this” if you started crying in the street to me. In the nicest possible way, do you think this anxiety could be rubbing off on your kids?

And what is your oh so important time better spent doing than comforting someone who is clearly overwhelmed and upset...?

WhoKnows2346 · 12/12/2022 12:35

We know there are some awful people out there who really shouldn't be parents and it is really disappointing when you realise you've got one of those parents. All I can say is focus on building your own support group that excludes anyone negative. I had to cut out my own monster mother 30 yrs ago. It was weird at first but once I stopped hoping and waiting for a phone call, I've not looked back. I hope your DS gets better soon - our DC are such a worry without additional health concerns you're dealing with xx

Brightstarowl · 12/12/2022 12:36

Well we live in a first world country so what is your point? or did you just fancy regurgitating a trendy quote from facebook?

Brightstarowl · 12/12/2022 12:38

BabyOnBoard90 · 11/12/2022 21:00

First World problems as it were.

Well we live in a first world country so what's your point? Or did you just fancy regurgitating a trendy quote you've seen on facebook?

Swipe left for the next trending thread