To think a mother doesn’t just walk away from her crying daughter?

[Whatlove]

I’m really upset.
My DS is on his fourth stinking cold since September. He’s been coughing all
weekend and none of us got any sleep. He’s 13 but I feel like we’ve gone back in time to when he was at nursery and got every infection going.

We were meant to be going on a family day out today but as DS is unwell my DH and older son went without us. After I dropped them off my mum saw me get out of car (she was walking home past my house after shopping) and asked what was wrong. I clearly looked awful. I said how worried about DS being unwell again I am, how it was overwhelming constantly worrying if he’s well enough to go to school, how he’s had time off already and school aren’t happy etc etc I said we’d been looking forward to our day out and instead we’re stuck at home.

She could see how upset I was (the tears would be a giveaway) but muttered something about giving him vitamins (I already do) said bye and walked off.

I can’t imagine leaving my child (even a grown up child!) visibly upset without saying something or offering to come in & make them a cup of tea or generally offer some comfort. Didn’t even ask or want to see poor DS. She lives round the corner from me & wasn’t rushing off anywhere so not a time thing.

I don’t know why I’m so upset. My childhood was spent with no emotional support, she can only do superficial chit chat, nothing serious. I guess I just want a mum. I really don’t want to see her anymore, what’s the point.

Hope your son feels better soon, OP
I get it, I do. It's not just about the cold, is it. It's about the added pressure of missing more school, having to juggle around that, the disappointment of missing your family day, etc etc.
Ignore the bitchy comments on here. Some people are truly worthy of a slap!

OP YANBU

You just wanted a bit of love and support. We all need that. My oldest dd is 21, I wouldn’t just walk off if she was upset. Even if she was older.

I agree with you op, you are not being dramatic, having children (13 is still a child) who have been unwell for a long period of time is very draining. Your mum sounds cold hearted, if mum mum were still here, she'd be inside with me putting the kettle on and asking to see dc (although she might not want to get too near them).

Very nasty replies on here, your first post wasn't dramatic at all.

I understand. But, speaking for my parents, they've had a really sad run of friends dying, being widowed and one permanently paralysed from the neck down by unfortunately fainting and hitting the bath. So I wouldn't expect my son's cold to rank up there with some of the situations and friends they're supporting.

Clearly the medical history plays a big part and no parent likes their child to be ill and suffering. But in answer to the AIBU being asked, I don't think it's nasty that some posters don't see the mum's reaction as unreasonable for a cold. They're just giving a different opinion.

And I hope your son (and mine!) feels better soon.

Oh, and of course the reaction (or lack thereof!) of your mum plays a part too.

Exactly. Surely we've all been there, absolutely at the end of our tether. What sort of mother just walks away

Don’t comment unless you can be bothered to read all OP’s posts.

Gosh there are some absolute twats on here. What's wrong with you? It's clearly not just about a cold. The op is overwhelmed, exhausted and let down by her emotionally bankrupt mother who she says has never offered her any support throughout her life.

So what is the obvious thing to do? Stick the boot in, take the piss and make her feel worse. I hope some of you raise your kids better than the way you behave on here. It's embarrassing.

Of course you are not unreasonable.

I wouldn't leave a neighbour that upset, not to mind my own grown child.

I am so sorry OP.

You sound like suchba lovely mum.

Worrying about your child is just awful.

Mind yourself.

The album is, You Don't Have To Be Jewish and the track is, A Call From Long Island.

Op, I am sorry you are getting nasty comments. Regardless of age none of us went to see our kids poorly. DS is 11 and cannot cope with a cold, he was ill recently and it was worse than when he was a toddler. My daughter has also been poorly. It's never ending. Sleep deprivation turns into emotional wrecks too or in my case a short tempered mess.

it sounds like you are already used to your mums attitude, I have no advice but you can't change her ways.

@Whatlove I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

Regardless of what people might claim, I think we've probably all had times when we've felt overwhelmed, overstressed and emotional. And in those times, whatever the causes, I think a lot of people reach out to their mums. That's not unreasonable.

It's a shame that she couldn't respond with anything to make you feel better. Is that her normal level of support for her family members? I don't have any particular advice, but I think it's not unreasonable to feel a bit upset about the interaction. Would it be worthwhile talking with her about it and explaining why you were left feeling more upset?

I hope your son feels better soon and that you're able to get some space to reduce your stress and get a hug. It sounds like you need a big hug, a cup of tea and a supportive friend or family member to vent with.

Sorry your mum is shit.

I'm also sorry you seem to have elicited responses that are not very kind. You've lost sleep, you're worried about your son, you're stuck at home when you could all have been out enjoying yourselves, and there is the pressure of Christmas looming over you all.

The only thing I can suggest is counseling to explore the feelings you have around the lack of support. It's hard to be a parent when you yourself have never felt properlypatented, and when you have school making your life difficult too,, you can feel overwhelmed.

In the meantime, take vitamins, run yourself a warm bath, spend time relaxing.

@Whatlove I get it, my dh has a brain tumour, if he gets the slightest illness I get really nervous. He gets very high temperatures with any kind of cold or virus and it worries me sick.
Your mum sounds like a very cold fish. Don’t bother ever telling her anything in future. And personally I would go low contact with her.

im really sorry OP.

I have a present but absent father.

he’s crap.

id have loved a real dad.

im sorry to have to put up with a crap mum.

it sounds like you’ll never be like her which is surely a daily triumph for you.

if she can only do chit chat, could she be on the spectrum in some way?

is she emotionally bonded to anyone?

This

Honestly, I'd look for support on places likes
FB groups for parents of kids with brain tumors. They get it. Most people won't.

There's a reason my kid has long term open access to paediatrics. If she gets ill, it's not the GP, or 111 or A&E, she gets taken straight in to the kids unit. It's almost certainly just his immune system being crap, and possibly a coincidence, but we can never be sure, and the worry never leaves us.

Don't let the nasty comments put you off OP There are others of us who empathise We are here too My thoughts to you

This with bells on! It isn’t about the situation, it’s the lack of parent support!

I will be a different parent to my children, they will feel like they have a village

@red4321 you don't recognise some of these resPonses as being nasty or maybe even stupid as they clearly didn't read the full OP as it wasn't just about the cold or not seeing her ds
Lots of people have shit going in in their life doesn't mean you have zero compassion for your own dc when they are upset
I wouldn't walk of leaving a stranger upset on the street

I’m very rarely shocked by nastiness on here but this is something else.

@Whatlove my boys are younger but every winter we have the same and it’s exhausting. My 9yo has just finished antibiotics and I thought it was all getting better and younger now has a fever. I cried and still feel very low.

I understand how awful it is and I hope he recovers soon.

Your mother is awful.

My Mum is like this and it is awful. I have no idea what the answer is but just sending kind thoughts as I know exactly how you feel. I have been tempted to cut contact but I don't think the stress will be worth it so I just keep it to a minimum (though I am then in the wrong for this too)

Sorry you have this on your mind as well as everything else, OP.

You're not unreasonable to expect a hug from your mum. I'd have offered a hug to a stranger in the street if they were crying, never mind my own child.

I hope your DS gets better soon.

@Merryoldgoat isn' t it and then some trying to justify
They have all jumped on the cold so clearly not read the OP whole post to realise bigger than that
Just jumped on and been nasty

Having grown up with an emotionally detached mother, and as someone who has been deeply hurt again today as a result, I understand. It never stops hurting. I’m sorry your mum is like this