To think a mother doesn’t just walk away from her crying daughter?

[Whatlove]

I’m really upset.
My DS is on his fourth stinking cold since September. He’s been coughing all
weekend and none of us got any sleep. He’s 13 but I feel like we’ve gone back in time to when he was at nursery and got every infection going.

We were meant to be going on a family day out today but as DS is unwell my DH and older son went without us. After I dropped them off my mum saw me get out of car (she was walking home past my house after shopping) and asked what was wrong. I clearly looked awful. I said how worried about DS being unwell again I am, how it was overwhelming constantly worrying if he’s well enough to go to school, how he’s had time off already and school aren’t happy etc etc I said we’d been looking forward to our day out and instead we’re stuck at home.

She could see how upset I was (the tears would be a giveaway) but muttered something about giving him vitamins (I already do) said bye and walked off.

I can’t imagine leaving my child (even a grown up child!) visibly upset without saying something or offering to come in & make them a cup of tea or generally offer some comfort. Didn’t even ask or want to see poor DS. She lives round the corner from me & wasn’t rushing off anywhere so not a time thing.

I don’t know why I’m so upset. My childhood was spent with no emotional support, she can only do superficial chit chat, nothing serious. I guess I just want a mum. I really don’t want to see her anymore, what’s the point.

DH’s neurosurgeon says there’s no such thing as a benign brain tumour as any tumour in the brain is dangerous.

And let’s not judge any mother of a sick child. And let’s not compete over whose kid can be the sickest either. Let’s try empathy instead.

He's not a baby. You seem very dramatic

He's got a cold

Your son is 13, not a baby. He's got a cold. You've been crying because of it? Your mum has perhaps, like me, had FAR worse to cope with. Get a grip.

💖

Maybe the op is dramatic. Maybe she's not coping super well. Maybe she is feeling very low and her mental health isn't particularly strong at the moment.

So a great answer to that is.... To lay into her when she has clearly stated how upset she is 🙄

Everyone copes with situations differently. Some people on this thread are just loving being cruel.

What a ray of sunshine you are.

Nothing better to do on a Sunday evening then berate an exhausted and upset mother.

Must be nice to never show any human emotions.

@Loki01 of course it’s not normal. Yes, I know that infection rates are up, but it’s still unusual for a child to be unwell for months.

Good Heavens!! To quote Rodney King "Can't we all just get along?".

We don't know OP's full backstory or what might have happened today to push her over the edge. Or specifically what about her mother's behaviour may have triggered her reaction to it. All we know is that she was overwhelmed, that life had gotten on top of her. Hell, I've been overwhelmed because I burnt a casserole or because my tights had a ladder, and it had nothing to do with those things. It had to do with something that had gone on before, maybe something I didn't even realize was stressing me out. So maybe it isn't really her son's illness. Maybe that's just the one thing she can put her finger on.

It doesn't matter if we've had 'deeper troubles' than OPs. It's not a competition, is it? What's so wrong with just biting one's tongue and saying "I'm sorry you're having such a bad day, I hope tomorrow is better". Or better yet "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

Yep! It's just different levels of absolutely rubbish luck really.

People can die of a 'benign ' brain tumour (and they don't can then that any more for that reason) and survive a malignant one. Mine would have died without extensive emergency neurosurgery.

Nearly 2 months in hospital, multiple surgeries, permanent disability and an uncertain future likely filled with further surgery and chemo, and believe me, I know she's one of the 'lucky' ones, but it's also not an easy road.

This mum is entitled to worry more than most.

I originally wrote a single sentence. It is you who is being argumentative I think.

I guess my patience has run out. I am surrounded by people who are overacting regarding their children's minor colds.

OP, despite what other posters say, I am not trying to be nasty. I am trying to say that long illnesses are normal at this moment. Your mum is perhaps tired of calming you down all the time?

That was a huge drip feed.

There are some judgemental fucking arseholes on this thread. Naturally you're all perfect human beings. So long as you've enjoyed your nasty pile on that's the main thing. Do you forget there's a real person on the other end of these threads? Some of these replies are spiteful and read as if you're rubbing your hands with glee because you're itching to stick the boot in. What's the point of being so unpleasant. Can't you make your point without being rude?

Bloody hell. Even without your update you sound like you needed a hug and a bit of understanding 💐

Hi, I don't normally comment but I really didn't want to just read and run.

You sound like you are going through what I had last year. Months on end of sick children, covid twice, infections back to back and virus for months. We missed out on so many treats too, watching others having a good summer was pretty rubbish too.

As our kids get older, I don't think we ever worry about them any less, I really do understand the concern and worry it all causes. Especially when it starts to effect school. My daughter was in hospital 4 times last year in the space 4 months.

I'm so sorry about the horrible unnecessary comments you have had on here. And I'm sorry that your mum, the person you just want a good hug from and to maybe share a tear with when all the exhaustion takes over, just brushed you off.

If you can, run yourself a hot bubble bath and snuck away for a short while. You deserve it and it will help put the world back in order. Everyone will get better, everything will be OK. You've been looking after everyone for ages now, so go, leave the haters here and have some time to yourself xxx

Big hugs

I'm so sad to hear your story OP.
Your mum sounds horrible! I can't imagine doing that to my child.
I hope your DS recovers soon.

If your patience has run out please leave this thread. It’s clearly not healthy for you.

Your snide remarks are no help whatsoever to the OP, who is clearly in need of support and encouragement. Not “you’re dramatic” comments, which you are now funnily trying to turn around because it’s not just me who has picked up on your awfulness.

It's a cold and you was crying?

Please ignore the horrible responses OP. I have a difficult relationship with my mum too, and I’m learning that you’re never too old to want a nice mum to make you feel better. Some people are lucky enough to have had one their whole lives but the ones who don’t - there’s maybe always a bit of a void in life where a loving mum should have been. I’m sorry OP I hope you feel better soon (personally I’m in therapy for this - it does help!).

Google what malignant means. It's the potential of a tumor to metastasize.

Of course, a brain tumor has the potential to be dangerous.

I am not competeting. What a stupid thing to say.

@Somuchgoo 💐

Yup. And she was going to have the thread deleted too.

First World problems as it were.

I'm so sorry, OP. Some of the people on here are nasty and I'm guessing you are probably getting that from the other parents at school, on top of the school and your unhelpful mum. It's exhausting. My ds has a rare genetic disease which wasn't diagnosed until he was 11. He was sick all the time and everyone blamed me. Some of the other parents even suggested the solution of signing him up for the local soccer club when he was home with a 6 week migraine at 7 years old. It was so much better when I got a diagnosis and could just tell everyone who was criticizing my parenting to f* off. I ended up having to stop working because it was just too much for me. And no, it didn't get better in terms of the emotional toll when ds was 13....it got worse because so much more was expected of him and he just couldn't manage it.

My heart goes out to you.

PS. I stopped planning non-refundable trips and/or signing ds up for activities that wouldn't give me my money back if he couldn't attend because of illness.