To think a family meeting every morning isn’t unreasonable?

[Rendezvousinthelounge]

DP doesn’t ever tell me his plans, unless they’re quite big (aka I need to look after our daughter, or he’s going away overnight etc). Every morning he just gets up and goes about his day without telling me what’s happening, so there’s been a lot of ‘You’re doing X? Well I was about to do Y’ and a lot of household tasks not being completed because ‘I didn’t know I needed to do that today, I did X instead’.

It sounds minor but it’s become really irritating. There’s never a loose plan for the day, so it descends into chaos with everything done is an inconvenient order, if at all. The day seems to ‘run away with us’ while he just potters about doing… well, I’m not really sure what.

AIBU to want, each morning, for us to touch base for all of 1 minute to discuss what’s happening that day? Who is walking the dog, anything that needs to be done round the house and who will do it, if DD is going somewhere who is taking her and when, that kind of thing? He’s acting like I’m the house Fuhrer. I just want the day to run smoothly with everything done that needs to be!

I don't know. I am you in this scenario and generally just say right what's happening for anything with timings etc then I'm happy and DP can get on with procrastinating/faffing around knowing what is happening when.

YANBU, with children and pets involved communication is key to run the household.

He’s stressing you out and somehow managing to make it your fault that you want to organise the family life so that it’s easier on everyone.

Is this just during the weekends or working week? Do you both work? Sounds an unnecessary faff to me!

Surely every day is excessive? Sit down on a Sunday (or whenever suits) and discuss the upcoming week. Then write it on a whiteboard or similar so no one forgets.

Do neither of you work? We do have a little chat before dp goes to work (he leaves before I do): “when are you going to be back? Don’t forget you’re picking up x etc “

I'm a tad confused. Why do you need a "meeting" to know what you're each doing? You live under the same roof, surely you speak just as a matter of course? Do neither of you work? How can you both have no idea what you're doing each day? How is he supposed to psychically know you want him to do certain things if you don't mention it (but I still don't see why it needs to be a meeting)?

YANBU to have a one minute chat over the course of a day to know what you're both planning to be up to.
YABU to need a meeting to facilitate it.

Do you both work? I like everything in its place and our house guest ready all the time, I'm at home with no young children. DH pulls his weight but he'd be really pissed off of I had a list after working 12/13 hours.

Just the weekends really unless there’s an ‘unusual activity’ happening on a weekday, as our weekday routine is usually pretty set. It feels like if he had it his way we would just slob around at the weekend doing not very much with DD in front of CBeebies all day, before having a teatime freak out that nothing has been done, we have no food, the house is a tip etc

I don't think you need a meeting, I think you need dh to start taking some responsibility and being a team player.

It sounds like you need routines. Are neither of you working? Is What you do each day a surprise?

I'm struggling to see why it's needed unless he's completely useless. Me and dh just get on with it, no meeting necessary and no chaos. I can't work out where the chaos is coming from?

I've got up and done some washing, dh has done the dishwasher. One of us will give a kid a lift somewhere later but it doesn't need organising.

Sadly may be necessary, should have done this years ago.

I quite like at least one snobby morning of a weekend. And if cbeebies means that can happen so be it!

PowerPoints of household tasks and spreadsheets too

This being mumsnet I can't work out if you're joking or not!

Google shared calendar.
With reminders. And re-reminders.

A routine might go down better than a daily meeting.
Sounds like food shopping is an issue. Can you do a weekly food order that you click and collect at a local supermarket ? Then it’s OH’s job to pick it up on a Saturday morning while you handle some other cleaning/organizing at home? He needs a few regular household jobs that are always his to do and you don’t have to think about.

I don't think you need a special meeting. If one of us has plans we just make sure to mention it at some point during the week. If it's something I think DH might forget, I send him a text reminder!

I think I get you OP, I like to have a quiet moment before we get up or over breakfast where we make a rough plan for the day, mainly things like “I need to be at X at 2” or “don’t forget we have no food in for tonight and the shops close early on Sundays”. Basically sharing things that have to happen, and often splitting tasks then “oh you have to go to x later so I’ll hoover”

We've never done this. No need for a meeting at all. Just get on with the day and thrash it out as you go along.

We have a “plan the week” conversation on a Sunday to work out pick up and drop offs, and general what’s on. We both get diaries out and compare. Takes 10 mins.

A “plan the weekend” on a Friday evening could work rather than in the morning when people are sleepy.

AIBU to want, each morning, for us to touch base for all of 1 minute to discuss what’s happening that day?

Sorry are you in a marriage or a business? Seriously, if my DP used those words instead of "so what are you up to today then?" I'd laugh him out of the front door.

For that alone YABU.

Do you not talk to each other? You live in the same house with a child surely you have some kind of communication, how bizarre to think you need to schedule a meeting.

A cuppa. You don’t need a meeting, you need a cuppa. A few moments when you are both sitting down.

”Are we up to anything particular today?”
“X has a birthday party at 2, Y has an away match and we’re giving the ride there, Z’s parents are bringing them back.”
”Ok. We need to pick up some bits from the supermarket too.”

All sorted in under a minute over a cuppa.

YABU for using the term 'family meeting'. But yes, having a chat with your spouse about your rough plans for the day is reasonable.