To think a family meeting every morning isn’t unreasonable?

[Rendezvousinthelounge]

DP doesn’t ever tell me his plans, unless they’re quite big (aka I need to look after our daughter, or he’s going away overnight etc). Every morning he just gets up and goes about his day without telling me what’s happening, so there’s been a lot of ‘You’re doing X? Well I was about to do Y’ and a lot of household tasks not being completed because ‘I didn’t know I needed to do that today, I did X instead’.

It sounds minor but it’s become really irritating. There’s never a loose plan for the day, so it descends into chaos with everything done is an inconvenient order, if at all. The day seems to ‘run away with us’ while he just potters about doing… well, I’m not really sure what.

AIBU to want, each morning, for us to touch base for all of 1 minute to discuss what’s happening that day? Who is walking the dog, anything that needs to be done round the house and who will do it, if DD is going somewhere who is taking her and when, that kind of thing? He’s acting like I’m the house Fuhrer. I just want the day to run smoothly with everything done that needs to be!

I tend to what's app dh on a Friday day, what needs doing over the weekend. Then we sort plan for weekend on friday night

Lure him to the meeting by renaming it "breakfast" and making it a nice chat over tasty food.

This - plan the week not the weekend

he needs to pull his weight we have a 7 day sheet planner with the must eg bins, tutor Spanish etc and then daily one eg the kids have clear draining board, empty recycling, clean compost bin

which everyone does before their own stuff!

Would a family planner help? A paper calendar in the kitchen?

But it sounds like your husband sees the family & his DC as optional, and that it's all your responsibility. Unless you're a SAHM, which then most of it is ... But he's still opting out, which is not acceptable.

YANBU. I've seen marriages implode over this kind of masculine entitled behaviour.

We have a family meeting every Sunday and we go over the next two weeks so that we go over each week twice. We also have a shared todoist and calendar with all appointments/important stuff on it as well as any recurring tasks that need some.

It works very very well for us but we are a neurodivergent household and we need that structure.

Try not to fill the weekend with chores as it makes for a very hum drum existence that feels monotonous.

I put YABU in terms of needing a ‘family meeting’. Sounds like poor communication on the part of both of you. As a pp said this is surly just a basic ‘what you up to today/ what do you fancy doing this weekend?’ kind of conversation. Do you talk much in general?

I like the idea of giving him ownership of certain things 100%.

He has certain chores all the time.
Anything to do with his mum, is his responsibility.

The formality is odd. A houde meeting would have me running for the hills

you’re a couple, why can’t you just say hey what are you up to today in general conversation ? Why are you calling it a house meeting.

DH & I have a 'what's happening tomorrow' chat each evening before bed. That way we both know who's doing what - meetings; after school clubs; packed lunches etc. we also have a family calendar on our phones to keep track. Seems perfectly reasonable to me when you are both busy, have kids etc.

Ive explained why. He dodges the questions, acts like I’m the Spanish Inquisition for wanting to know and (ive just worked out) is deliberately vague to avoid undesirable tasks. He needs pinning down.

im not a SAHM I work full time as does he

Tbh a meeting is OTT. Just say casually what needs doing and ask him his thoughts/plans and lay out what you want done.

Sorry cross posted. Ok well give him a list of things needing doing but say it casually. Please do x x and x, I’m doing y y and y.

Sounds weird and micromanaging. I would just talk and say what I was doing there would be no need to organise a daily meeting though.

All you want is for the day to run smoothly. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to want.

We have a shared calendar on our phones and have a chat to run through the day with coffee in bed every morning. Works well.

Why would he not want the day to run smoothly? Family life is busy. Why would he want to make harder if there's a quick fix?

YANBU, I'm the same! I can't stand a last minute flap and for my sanity I need to know what's going on when and with who.
We have a calendar in the kitchen, if there's something to be done or someone's up to something it goes on the calendar as a sort of first come first served basis 😅

op said this she just wants to talk about whose doing what but he avoids the conversation

He sounds a little like a waste of space

It's not a partnership is it? Did it only become apparent after you had DC?

it is easier for him if he avoids a chat he gets to do the chores he likes

I understand why you say family meeting because you're at the end of your tether (sounds like).

My DH and I have a quick chat in the morning or night before if there's anything big happening. He takes care of dog food delivery once a month, I organise food for collection once a week. We live rurally on land so doggy gets a stretch daily anyway but if we have a kids and dog day out then it's a mild matter of planning that morning roughly what time we want to leave.

You might find your life infinitely less stressful without your DH. The thing about lying on the sofa until his mum pulls up out of sheer laziness would be enough for me to call a halt to his carryon.

He needs pinning down.
Write it in big bold letters on A4, then put in under his breakfast.

This is what YOU are doing today, as you can't be bothered to do much unless I nag. I will not nag. I will instruct.

If he kicks off, leave everything other than stuff for you. DD - "Ask your dad". MIL - "Ask your son".

Take the dog and head for the beach.

He needs pinning down.

To have a basic conversation with you?
Maybe it’s time to think about the D word. What are you both getting out of this marriage when you can’t even discuss what you want to do during the day. That’s bonkers.

LTB honestly just leave him or buy small adjacent houses that's my dream.

DH has a big important job and on weekends has big important DIY.

Everyone tells me he is amazing.

He's just told me I need to be more positive, I talk too much about everything. Football, university interviews, men in a bad way, family. I am not positive enough. I need to look to the future not talk about the present or the past.

I ferry the teens around put multiple meals on the table, put a fresh loo roll on the empty holder. My weekend is packed with multi tasking the minutiae of family life. Today we have done a family activity, so that's it for him, back to DIY, finish around 4pm, play computer games. He'll probably voice disappointment that I didn't go to the gym or walk the dog or make apple crumble. I'll dish up a meal and wonder why my imaginary alter ego is having such a better time.

LTB. Live your best life. Don't be like me.

You should ask for a “chat” with him, I don’t mean to discuss what’s happening today but to ask him why he’s being such a shit to you, expecting YOU to do and organise the whole family every bloody weekend!!