To think a family meeting every morning isn’t unreasonable?

[Rendezvousinthelounge]

DP doesn’t ever tell me his plans, unless they’re quite big (aka I need to look after our daughter, or he’s going away overnight etc). Every morning he just gets up and goes about his day without telling me what’s happening, so there’s been a lot of ‘You’re doing X? Well I was about to do Y’ and a lot of household tasks not being completed because ‘I didn’t know I needed to do that today, I did X instead’.

It sounds minor but it’s become really irritating. There’s never a loose plan for the day, so it descends into chaos with everything done is an inconvenient order, if at all. The day seems to ‘run away with us’ while he just potters about doing… well, I’m not really sure what.

AIBU to want, each morning, for us to touch base for all of 1 minute to discuss what’s happening that day? Who is walking the dog, anything that needs to be done round the house and who will do it, if DD is going somewhere who is taking her and when, that kind of thing? He’s acting like I’m the house Fuhrer. I just want the day to run smoothly with everything done that needs to be!

We don’t see each other in the mornings so we do in the diary, whatsapp reminders. But when Dh is persistently useless at something I just stop. He used to be super vague about shopping lists then want it NOW because he was going to the shops , and wouldn’t tell me what he hadn’t managed to get so I would go to cook and didn’t have stuff. So I largely handed over shopping and cooking for a considerable period of time. He has never done any of the children’s presents so next year I’m not doing any. Much easier than ‘sharing’ when you have to organise all the sharing and communicate all your parts. I’m your case I’d set some crappy cleaning job and say it’s yours unless we’ve had a discussion sat morning where you’ve pointed out you’re doing x y and z so can’t do that this week, and allocate all dropping dd at mils to him. Because what you describe would have me extremely annoyed! I too work full time and it’s busy. I also did not tolerate a man who couldn’t cook, it’s just lazy adulting and crap parenting not to be able to make a healthy meal so now he is a fabulous cook. Find a recipe for a stir fry, make sure you do the shopping that day, find him and push him towards the kitchen at 4:30 Saturday, if it’s terrible say hmm you’ll need a lot more practice, I was going to say we will do this fortnightly but weekly I think. Add something pathos ridden but completely true like I just need to know that if I were hit by a bus having one parent still means my daughter would still get some healthy home cooked meals. So pasta, stir fry, some kind of bake.

If your daughter is 2 then life possibly involves less relaxing over the weekend now. It sounds like you have adjusted and he hasn't and doesn't want to acknowledge the fact. As our 2 Ds's have got older, household logistics do get more complicated and we now have a 5 minute chat at the weekend to set up the week, who is going where with whom and when, what meals we are having and how they fit round various activities etc.

Your DH needs to get on board with the fact he has responsibilities at the weekend now, and can no longer just please himself and expect it all to just work out.

Keep it simple. Tell him he has the task of buying dog food and top up shopping while out walking the dog. You have the job of dropping off and picking up DD from grandparents. Sharing specific chores isn't working as he will always leave it to you and you will be irritated.

I don’t think it’s un reasonable to want to organise anything, especially your day to day responsibilities. It doesn’t have to be a set time, we generally ‘check in’ with each other if we’ve not had chance to share our plans. It helps with the smooth running and process of the day. My OH doesn’t like routine so setting a time for a meeting would put him off, thus my attempt at a relaxed chat 24hrs I before etc. Good luck.