DH says I’m an angry person

[Nickoin]

So, every morning I wake up with the kids as he apparently cannot get up. He was our last night and DS (2) was up and down as he isn’t very well, I have been up since 4:30 whilst he sleeps as he didn’t get in until 1:30. He will probably be our all night tonight too as England is on, he says I am jealous because I am not him. If I just lay in bed too who will give the kids their breakfast etc? I feel like I am the one who does everything but maybe I am not, I don’t know, maybe I just don’t like him anymore?

he Said I am abusive, maybe he is right 😢

OP can I just check?

You're working at 7:30am today?

Your useless, controlling partner got in at 4:40am after a night of drinking?

Your son who is 5 has a temp and is poorly? You have a younger child still in nappies?

Will the children be safe being left in his care?

Do you work most Sundays and leave them with your partner who hasn't long got in or is this a one off?

"Why, are you inadequate?"

"Yes, I must be seeing as I'm stuck with a lazy piece of shit like you. Perhaps I should finally do something about it."

You can't see how much better off you'd be without the dead wood. Once you've cut that weight off you realise just how miserable your life was and you'll be glad you got rid of it.

He's playing you. Don't waste your life playing mummy to this useless teenager. He's got you right where he wants you. You don't have to live like this.

I’m working from home today. He is still in bed snoring and he is saying I should be ashamed of myself and I should, I didn’t want to shout so I just walked past the wall and elbowed it, I am a horrible person.

You're being abusive towards yourself for remaining with this inadequate sad excuse for a man.

Fight for your right to a free and dignified life.

I am literally the most placid person and I am ashamed of myself for letting him get to
me so much.

Most people would be angry if someone spoke like that to them. Channel your anger into packing his bags instead of elbowing walls though. There's less chance of injuring yourself that way.

I will. I need to go. I cannot stay here now. I can’t stop crying and I have work. I am wfh, I need to go to my mums.

he says I am jealous because I am not him.

That sentence alone would make the most placid person bounce 😳

I can’t even believe I let him wind me up so much. They are upstairs shouting him and he is just asleep. So annoying but I really need to not allow him to get to me.

He has pushed you to the edge of reason. You must be exhausted, getting up at 4am after a disturbed night is torture. Go to your mums, get some help and consider your options. You will have far more help if your useless husband actually has to have the kids every other weekend. Your kids will be happier not having a mum living a breaking point all the time.

Take your kids and go to your mums. Make sure you don't leave him with any food in the house either. Pour any alcohol down the sink.

You know you're not abusive @Nickoin - all abusive men come out with that line. You're not abusive, you're exhausted and frustrated with having to carry a lazy arsed man that is opting out of parenting.

The good news is, you're already doing it all anyway so once you get rid of the lazy waste of space chances are you'll barely notice. These men don't seem to understand that treating your family like an option, not stepping up to parenting makes them obsolete really - he's basically a 6ft snoring ornament that your MH can't afford anymore.

Wipe your tears and make a plan - your life doesn't have to be this way.

LTB

I might be wrong but I suspect you got together young, he moved straight from living with his mum to living with you and having kids?

He sounds like a big baby who hasn't progressed from teenage years out drinking and having his mum do everything for him. Well, guess what? You're not his mum, he's an obnoxious brat who can't handle responsibility.

Don't imagine your kids are better off with two parents if things are like this. They're watching him disrespect you, and feeling how angry and resentful it makes you.

And what's more - I'd also divide a sheet of paper in two and write down what you've done this weekend and what he's done. If his family gets shirty, show it to them and say it's not unusual.

This isn't living
It's existing

Life is far too short for this
Get rid of him you'll be much better off he's useless

Good idea.

And also make a list of things you need to do to get rid of him.

And then make a plan to make this happen, 💐

Oh OP, you don't sound angry or abusive. You sound exhausted and fed up by the gross inadequacy of the man-child you live with.

A lot of children do pick up on their parents failings - whether it's always being late, never helping their partner or not actually doing any parenting. From the sounds of it, your older child, has picked up on this. That's not your fault; it's your partner's fault. You are not responsible for his behaviour or his failings. All you can control is how you react to them and how you choose to live moving forward.

He is still asleep, I’m going to take the kids to my mums.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please put yourself first and go to your mum. Surround yourself with love. It will help to balance you after being in such a horrible environment. Remember your worth and don't be guilt tripped by the idea of what kind of family you should give your children and that you must endure abuse in order to provide this. You can provide perfectly well for them without him.

He can say what he likes in the future to them. You will of moved on and be happy and he will clearly still be a nasty person to say anything years later. Further validating your leaving. You also don't need a "good enough" reason to leave. Not being happy is more than reasonable.

I hope your elbow is OK. Resorting to self-harm in order to cope with the immense mental stress of this situation is normal however please see this new development to cope as a huge indicator to yourself that you cannot go on like this. X

He sounds absolutely horrendous. He will ruin your life if you stay with him.

No he is abusive and you are reacting. He is turning everything on you that’s what abusers do. He is confusing you, damaging your mental health when you have a baby to look after. Seriously, this man is a bad seed. You must leave.

Dwellers of the AIBU side of the forum aren't the most cheery.

Whatever!

Hope you're safe with your Mum now. Best wishes, OP.