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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH says I’m an angry person

261 replies

Nickoin · 10/12/2022 06:17

So, every morning I wake up with the kids as he apparently cannot get up. He was our last night and DS (2) was up and down as he isn’t very well, I have been up since 4:30 whilst he sleeps as he didn’t get in until 1:30. He will probably be our all night tonight too as England is on, he says I am jealous because I am not him. If I just lay in bed too who will give the kids their breakfast etc? I feel like I am the one who does everything but maybe I am not, I don’t know, maybe I just don’t like him anymore?

OP posts:
pinkfondu · 10/12/2022 06:43

You would be so much happier if he were not there. He adds only work and negative vibes. Really what would you miss?

PriOn1 · 10/12/2022 06:44

Do either or both of you work? Not excusing him. My ex did this and I felt the same frustration as you. He started this behaviour when our children came along as he was obviously able to ignore them, knowing I’d deal with it. I should have left him back then and wish I had done as he was a horribly bad role model to my now-adult children.

FOJN · 10/12/2022 06:47

Accusing you of being angry is pure manipulation. It's intended to wrong foot you, don't let it.

You are angry because he is behaving like a selfish, lazy arse and you are parenting alone. I wouldn't be able to show such a poor excuse of a husband and father any affection either. It probably feels like yet another task to add to your already long list.

If he cannot see that always prioritising his social life and sleep over his parenting responsibilities is a selfish thing to do then I'm not sure how you move forward.

I think you would feel less angry if you didn't have to put up with him.

Blobblobblob · 10/12/2022 06:50

Anger is a reasonable response to being utterly disrespected.

SpicyFoodRocks · 10/12/2022 06:50

I could not be affectionate towards a lazy sexist pig who displayed weaponised incompetence and I would be angry too.

Original poster
Nickoin · 10/12/2022 06:52

i cant ask for his help any more as the other morning I asked him to get up and he wouldn’t and my eldest said mummy why does daddy never help you? I was unsure if it was because of the amount of times I have asked or his lack of help, I can’t ask anymore.

OP posts:
SpecialTowels · 10/12/2022 06:57

Nickoin · 10/12/2022 06:52

i cant ask for his help any more as the other morning I asked him to get up and he wouldn’t and my eldest said mummy why does daddy never help you? I was unsure if it was because of the amount of times I have asked or his lack of help, I can’t ask anymore.

So don't. He won't change. This is who he is, he's made that clear. Either you accept this in perpetuity or you leave him; I'd do the latter.

ScarlettSunset · 10/12/2022 06:58

He's not going to change. There's really no point in keeping someone like that in your life as he doesn't bring anything to it except resentment, anxiety and unhappiness.
With him gone, then yes, you'll still need to get up with the kids but the resentment about it will lessen as you won't have to do it while feeling that he's being a useless, lazy git upstairs.

Original poster
Nickoin · 10/12/2022 07:00

He has just got up and come downstairs and said, looks like you are really struggling down here, as if to say what is the point in waking me up.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 10/12/2022 07:01

Divorce is a revelation. Every other weekend you get to have 2 lie ins and 2 whole days and nights doing whatever the hell you want.

And he gets to work out why he has to get up. Being a duck doesn't get you very far with your kids when there's no one to pick up the slack.

Original poster
Nickoin · 10/12/2022 07:04

He’s gone back upstairs, he said you are just watching TV so what do you actually need me for? I give up.

OP posts:
abyssofwoah · 10/12/2022 07:04

He doesn’t think it’s his job to look after his own children. And that since you have both a vagina and children you don’t have a right to leisure time or a decent sleep. Why have time for a man like that? It sounds like you’d be better off without him.

abyssofwoah · 10/12/2022 07:05

Honestly, just don’t put up with a waste of space like that.

loislovesstewie · 10/12/2022 07:06

You would be better off by yourself, get a plan in place. Who is the tenant/owns the property? Check how much you would receive in benefits and start the ball rolling to him leaving the house. And tell him that slaves don't feel affection for their masters.

Original poster
Nickoin · 10/12/2022 07:07

The kids are sat watching their tablets whilst I clean etc as we will be going our shortly. The dishwasher needs emptying and packed lunch needs making but he thinks because the kids are watching their tablets I don’t need his help?

I am going to give him a month.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 10/12/2022 07:09

You need to take turns to have a lie in at the weekend, he will want one (again) after tonight, so you get one on Sunday.
And no, you want want to be affectionate to a lazy man. As pp said, it would be easier without him as you wouldn’t have the anger and resentment, and you’d get time off when he had them.

hashbrownsandwich · 10/12/2022 07:09

You'll not leave him OP.

Jingleoverthatway · 10/12/2022 07:10

He's a prick. We each get a lie in at the weekend. I've been up since 5.45am with DS but I'm lying on the sofa drinking tea watching Cbeebies while DS removes all the Christmas tree baubles. It's not exactly hard work. Tomorrow it's DHs turn to lie on the sofa and watch cbeebies.

All these shit men who can't be arsed to look after their own children make me angry.

Original poster
Nickoin · 10/12/2022 07:10

@hashbrownsandwich probably not no

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 10/12/2022 07:13

Hell no, no chance I'd be staying with him let alone touching him. Who wants sex with a selfish man child.

He sees the time he isnt at work (I assume hope he works) as his free time to do as he wishes. All your time is for dealing with children. That's your job, in his opinion.

Wouldnt surprise me if the next thing he does is say "well, you wanted them" to further solidify that the kids are your responsibility

ImCindaCanning · 10/12/2022 07:14

It's not you it's him.

RedHelenB · 10/12/2022 07:16

Beanbagtrap · 10/12/2022 06:34

Wake him up and then go out.

This. Let him be fully responsible. I agree there's not much point both of you waking up so early but you should get a lie in too.

Pinkbluebells · 10/12/2022 07:18

Getting the ick with a man is Nature's way of ensuring that you don't waste eggs or time on a substandard specimen. I mean it's not as if he has to hunt for food or fight off sabre tooth tigers for you - just take care of the offspring sometimes.

RedHelenB · 10/12/2022 07:19

Nickoin · 10/12/2022 07:00

He has just got up and come downstairs and said, looks like you are really struggling down here, as if to say what is the point in waking me up.

I hope you went back to bed.

RedHelenB · 10/12/2022 07:21

Wallywobbles · 10/12/2022 07:01

Divorce is a revelation. Every other weekend you get to have 2 lie ins and 2 whole days and nights doing whatever the hell you want.

And he gets to work out why he has to get up. Being a duck doesn't get you very far with your kids when there's no one to pick up the slack.

Not necessarily. A lot of divorced fathers don't see their children.