DH says I’m an angry person

[Nickoin]

So, every morning I wake up with the kids as he apparently cannot get up. He was our last night and DS (2) was up and down as he isn’t very well, I have been up since 4:30 whilst he sleeps as he didn’t get in until 1:30. He will probably be our all night tonight too as England is on, he says I am jealous because I am not him. If I just lay in bed too who will give the kids their breakfast etc? I feel like I am the one who does everything but maybe I am not, I don’t know, maybe I just don’t like him anymore?

So he is a chilled out person, is he?

You do realise 'chilled out' is code for selfish, inconsiderate, selfish, uncaring...... (fill in the blanks)

Do NOT have more children with this man!

Because he will NOT change.

You have been warned...

Second selfish should be USELESS...

You are in no way wrong. He sounds useless. If you're doing everything alone anyway......what's the point of him? It doesn't have to be like this. But some hard conversations and decisions can't be avoided or nothing will ever change. Can you live happily with nothing changing?

I don’t think we’re allowed to post links on here but I fucking love science on Facebook did an article saying that man children are a thing and this is why your wife doesn’t want to sleep with you. Even the comments are an education to every lazy, hapless, selfish, arsehole manchild who ever existed.

He sounds like a man child, probably spoilt by his mother. He’s not going to change. It’s awful to think he believes that it’s your sole responsibility to look after his children. The kids will then learn that this is the acceptable dynamic between men and women once children come along. Maybe think about sitting down and having a proper conversation with him. Draw up a list of things he could be doing, at home, with his own children.

It will get better, it’s very gruelling when kids are this small. It just seems endless and relentless. But it will get better, easier. But you have to talk to him. What do you have to lose my your own sanity at this point?

Eh... What does he mean "he can't" does he have some weird condition in which his limbs so working in the morning.
I would be incandescent with rage at the selfish cheeky useless arse.
So.. what can be fine to shift things? It would be very tempting to pack a bag leave and let him get on with it with the kids...

So what are you going to do about it OP? Your DH is a selfish twat who does whatever he wants and then mocks you for being angry about it (which you have every reason to be). You say you won't leave him. So what did you say when he said you're always angry? I'll tell you what I'd say if I were you: 'I'm angry all the time because you're a useless, selfish twat who goes out drinking and having a good time and leaves me to deal with OUR kids every evening and every morning. So yes, I'm fucking furious and next weekend I'll be one going out and YOU can deal with the kids for a change'.

Divorce him.

He sounds like a complete asshat.

You have 2 choices. Put up and shut up because he has been clear that reasonable requests wont work because he 'cant' do things. At the risk to your mental health and the messages you are giving your children. Or give a time limit and commit to leaving (or kicking him out) if he does not change. A lot of men discount their partners complaints until the woman leaves - and then act surprised that it came to that (I hear it a lot at work). I would guess he is going to be one of them.

Well. Living with a useless, lazy bastard is enough to make anyone angry!!
Tell him that, from today, things are changing. And bloody mean it!!! Write a weekly list of things for him to do (get up with DC x mornings a week, make dinner, shopping, whatever) Tell him that those are his jobs and if he refuses to do it, you will be reevaluating your relationship. I agree, you absolutely shouldn’t have to, but he is taking the piss massively. AND he knows it. Not all men are lazy wankers and if he won’t shape up, he can ship out.

Honestly you are setting up your kids to behave in this way if nothing changes. I left when my daughter was 1 because I'm not a support human to a useless man.

I don’t know if couples therapy would be worth suggesting?

You could try going out to talk and asking him outright what he brings to the household? I wouldn’t beat about the bush and I would push until you got an answer. I would ask him if he thought your situation was fair that he gets every lie in, every night he wants to go out socially (when did you last go out), does he think he does a fair amount of housework and cooking? Then maybe write down some points you can agree on. Stop being a martyr and if he says you are always angry I would say if I am angry it’s because I am fed up of being gaslit, taken for granted, doing your chores and exhausted. So what are you going to do to help

I think you are setting your DC a bad example in putting up with this. My mum believed my dad and brother were too useless to do housework so it was left to her and myself. He is still living at home at 40 as gf don’t like his attitude.

If he won’t change ask him to move out and tell people why. He sounds like a man child.

I wouldn’t do this tonight as you will get the but it’s the England World Cup blah but if you can get someone to watch the kids do it then.

Write as many facts as you can, the last time you had a lie in, your chore list vs his, and take the emotion out of it as much as possible and don’t let him blame you, he is trying to distract you and put you on the back foot. If he does ask him calmly why aren’t you answering my question and changing the subject, we need to resolve this issue. Keep calm or he will just blame your “anger” and bugger off.

Hi OP, you need sone time for you. I don't know your financial or friends situ but you need a day out over the weekend to leave him to get up and sort the kids. He will be fine, the kids will be fine and you should relax and breathe.

Many women end up angry with their partners because we do so much they get lazy.

Try it, do it regularly.

Good luck.

Yes he’s a selfish lazy arsehole - but you know that, the question is what are you going to do about it?

so this morning for example when he came downstairs and said “oh you don’t need me for anything” why didn’t you say “yes actually can you unload/load the dishwasher, get the DC clothes together, empty the bin”? Because if you’re waiting fir him to come downstairs and say “don’t worry love I’ll get the kitchen sorted & dress the DC while you have a shower” that is never going to happen

its a LTB situation but you’ve already said you won’t. If that’s the case then you need to a lot more assertive

Stop doing any tasks at all that are for him (meals, washing). Get up and go out one weekend morning and one evening informing him when you will be back. He might as well practise solo parenting ready for the divorce. Tell his family he is being crap.

Was he like this when you met him? When you moved in with him?

He is taking all of the available socialising time for himself while you stay home as an unpaid babysitter /cook/ housekeeper. This man is 100% Cnut and you don’t deserve this. I bet he would sh1t a brick if you made plans and went out with your friends. The way I see i see things is A) you can wait for him to grow out of this phase (he will eventually as let’s face it who wants to see a 45 year old throwing shapes in a club), or B) leave him and scare him into some sense. Remember OP he is only treating you this way because he knows you’ll put up with it. Respect yourself OP because you ARE strong enough to change this 😊

Tell your eldest that is because daddy is a lazy selfish shit and that when they grow up they shouldn’t behave like that towards their partner as that is what a bad person does.
otherwise your child will either think it’s ok to behave like that themselves or that they should tolerate that behaviour from others.

take comfort in the fact that their childhood memories will be of their mother caring for them

So your DC are witnessing how shitty this relationship is and will grow up to repeat the pattens. Your sons will be useless waste of space manbabies and your daughters resentful and put upon, running around after a lazy twat of a husband. We relive our parents’ relationships because they’re familiar and we are drawn to what we know.

Show your DCs that you deserve better that this one sided treatment. Tell your H to fuck odd and stay at his mate’s house eating pizza so that you can concentrate on building a happy life for your DCs without him. It wont be any harder than it is now, as he does fuck all to help you. And either he’ll have the kids one night a week and you get a lie in, or he won’t and you’ll see exactly why he’s not good enough for your kids as well as you.

He may threaten 50/50 to try and get you to accept this situation because you’d miss your DCs. Call his bluff. He wont do it because it will impact on his lazy life’s tel and he’d actually have to parent them that’s way. He’s a terrible uninvolved father and a sex pest of a husband. Get him out and start your life as a single mum. From experience I can tell you it’s way easier and much more fun!

OP as much as I would love you to show him the door it appears you have a third child here, so parent him as such. Give him specific jobs, eg. please make the packed lunch, do the washing, clean the kitchen whatever and see what happens. So often these men need it spelling out and some will listen, some not. I fear he may be in the latter group in in which case you know the next step.

I was going to suggest marriage counselling but to be honest I'm not sure it's worth it. He clearly either has no empathy and ability to see things from your point of view, or he has deeply engrained sexism and truly believes that looking after kids and house is solely the womans job. And I don't think you can change these engrained perspectives with a few hours of talking. Ans the fact he is blaming you for it is just nasty. Of course people get angry if you treat them like shit.

How are finances, is splitting possible at the moment?

He would make anyone angry.

You would be much happier without him.

This is setting an awful example to your children, especially your daughter.

You're not unreasonable or irrational OP - but you would be to put up with this selfish useless man child much longer:

What would happen if you said you were off out with friends one night and booked a hotel and he had to do everything that night snd in the morning?

Feel like i could have wrote this . Apparently im miserable and i got called a fucking arsehole this morning for not letting the kids go outside without coats or wellies into -3 freezing cold temp. If it was any other day DH would have said no, but cause he didnt want to get up he just said ok.

I do a lot around the house, organise everything , plan stuff, generally pay for most of it (yes DH pays for house and bills) Im currently 9 months preg as well. Sorted everything for the baby , christmas presents all done and wrapped incase i go into labour etc. Everything is taken care of an he literally gets up and goes to work comes home cooks me us tea and then says he wants to go to bed. get no time alone together really and its only for an hour while we have tea.

If i didnt do all the things i do, omg the house would be a tip, no food in cupboards, no clothes washing done or ironed. he wouldnt know what kids needed for school each day etc. but im the one who has to lighten up ?

we are also going to see santa today and been told its best i dont come as im in a bad mood lol even though i planned , organised and paid for it. he doesnt even know what time or where it is lol

no its not you, its THEM ! lol

It will just be a month of the same. Either time to walk away now, or if you're giving him a month tell him you're giving him a month and see if he actually wants to change.