5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

Purplelion · 10/12/2022 01:24

This will be an unpopular opinion but I would switch to formula. It takes so much pressure off you and I definitely enjoyed all of my babies more than other people because I didn’t have the struggles of trying to breastfeed

Italianwife84 · 10/12/2022 01:24

Hello

Well done for trying to start with! And I bet you are shattered...
I would suggested getting them on formula, they will be nice and full and hopefully sleep longer as you will be able to see how much they are drinking.
You need the rest also xxxc

santastolemycat · 10/12/2022 01:26

You lasted longer than me! I managed three days then sacked it off. I felt terribly guilty at
first but my DS is fine and yours would be too if you choose to switch.

Lola3034 · 10/12/2022 01:30

I will comment from the perspective of someone who is still breastfeeding her 1-and-something year old. Fuck that shit, if I had my chance, I wouldn't have breastfed. I slept only a handful nights since he was born. His sleeping is shit even now, waking up multiple times a night. Anf forget about daddy being able to put him to sleep...

Novemberhater · 10/12/2022 01:31

Don't let anyone guilt trip you into carrying on if you don't want to. Do what is best for you and your family.

Blocked · 10/12/2022 01:31

You don't need to ask for permission if you want to stop breastfeeding - if you want to give formula then crack on, doesn't matter what anyone here thinks! Don't do what I did and spend weeks pumping and trying to bf AND give formula, it was the worst of both worlds and I was flogging a dead horse. Go and get yourself a perfect prep and some Mam self sterilising bottles if you want to FF and make life easy on yourself, you've enough to be getting on with without boiling kettles every half an hour.

Novella12 · 10/12/2022 01:32

I am currently combi feeding my baby, started with some bottles of formula a couple of weeks in and let me tell you - it was like a weight was lifted! It really is so valuable to have your partner able to help with feeds, and baby was immediately more settled too.
Go for it!

My2pence2day · 10/12/2022 01:32

Stick to it if you really want to BF. It honestly gets easier, I wanted to give up too, it was so painful. Use heaps of lanolin cream and gel pads. Apparently cabbage leaves are good too. It suddenly just gets easy. Good luck Long term it's easier too as you don't have to faff with bottles, etc

daisylou466 · 10/12/2022 01:33

Another option would be to express. I was lucky, after my daughter learned to latch, but just didn’t really feed enough I introduced a bottle and she would take expressed milk and then I introduced formula and she took that great too. Don’t feel guilty about a decision to switch as long as you believe it’s the right decision. I found rugby ball position (baby’s body around my body and under my arm) gave her the best chance to latch well when she was brand new. But a baby just needs to be fed and if that means formula then that’s grand.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 10/12/2022 01:33

I gave up after 4 days with my first and didn’t even start with my second. As soon as my first was on bottles it was all much easier. We all felt better. She was happy, I was happy, my husband was happy. He loved being able to feed them too. It’s nothing to feel bad or guilty about at all. Good luck.

TheCheeseBadge · 10/12/2022 01:33

Congratulations on your new baby!

You sound utterly exhausted, and that is understandable. Having a baby is hard work no matter how you feed them, and 5 days is so small, you're all adjusting to becoming a family. The early days of breastfeeding are tough, but as you say once you get that latch sorted it does get easier.

If you feel you would be disappointed if you stopped breastfeeding, would you be able to access any support local to you in the coming days to help with the latch? I always said I would never give up on a bad night, and that helped reassure me that I would be confident in my decision to stop, when ever that was right for me.

With regards to baby only wanting to be held, that is very normal, and does pass relatively quickly. DP and I used to do shifts, one would go to bed at 7pm and get up at 1am, the other one would go to bed at 1am and wake up at 7am. That way we both got a decent chunk of sleep, weren't worried about falling asleep holding the baby, but he didn't have to tolerate being put down. Things got significantly easier at around the 6 week mark.

TheSmallAssassin · 10/12/2022 01:34

I found it really hard in the beginning too, but I was really glad that I persevered because it was so much more convenient later on, it was free, there were no bottles to carry around with you, no sterilising, no screaming baby while you got sorted. But do what what you can manage!

On another note, please don't pressurise yourself to "enjoy" your newborn, they are hard work and for me a lot of it was just getting through!

JamMakingWannaBe · 10/12/2022 01:34

Absolutely your decision either way but I'm wondering if your midwife can give advice on the latch if you did want to try and continue BF.

WeyAyeMan · 10/12/2022 01:35

As soon as you give your self permission to stop and switch to formula you will feel like a massive weights been lifted.

My second i breastfed managed 8 weeks, she's still a shit sleeper now. My third I gave the colostrum when first born but she's been formula fed since, she sleeps amazingly, her last bottle is around 8pm and that's her until 6:30am, settling through the night with a dummy, she's been like that since 3 weeks old!

You will get there, just do what's best for you. There's no judgement for that 🙂

Aria999 · 10/12/2022 01:40

It gets easier they get better at it, and also their mouth gets bigger!

Having said that; there could be a physical problem like tongue tie; and you don't have to breast feed if you don't want to. The health benefits are there but not enormous.

BrokenWing · 10/12/2022 01:44

If you want to keep bf'ing, it is normal for it to be tough in the first few weeks, it will get easier as the weeks pass. Just letting you know it is normal to find it hard, don't expect too much in those first weeks. If you want to switch to ff, that is ok too.

Ababy0506 · 10/12/2022 01:46

Just don’t struggle, if bottles are easier then do it…I never understand why women put themselves through the stress of breastfeeding, it’s not for everyone your baby will be fine…full and happy is best

ALittleBitofVitriol · 10/12/2022 01:58

Congratulations on your baby! Those early days are so hard. If you want to stop bf you don't need anyone's permission.

If you want to keep going, here are some things that helped me:

Set myself a goal - I told myself I'd try for 2 weeks. By the end of 2 weeks it was getting easier so I kept going.

Day 5 your milk has probably only just come through, your supply is still building up. Baby will sleep better and for longer once your supply catches up and she has a full tummy. Letting her feed frequently will help.

Keep in mind a good latch but don't panic over a 'perfect' latch. It just will hurt the first few weeks while nipples toughen up, ignore the 'good latch shouldn't hurt' - it does hurt but it gets better. Lanolin helps. Their mouths are just tiny at the beginning, it gets easier as they get bigger - and I know it's contrary to advice but I always found a good dummy/bottle nipple could help 'train' them to take a proper mouthful/suck.

It is okay to put a clean/fed/warm/tired baby down. Sometimes babies get overtired and overstimulated and they cry. Putting them down in bed for a few minutes is okay. I really did think in the back of my mind that I loved my baby so much they never had to cry, but sometimes they just do and it's hard but it's okay.

Original poster

AliceAbsolum · 10/12/2022 02:06

Thank you everyone so helpful to read.

Breastfeeding is really important to me and I'd love to continue, but not if it means I'm a complete state and I do worry about being so tired with her.

If she slept in a cot that's 1 thing, at least we would all get a bit more sleep, but the 2 combined...

OP posts:

Original poster

AliceAbsolum · 10/12/2022 02:13

@ALittleBitofVitriol thank you so much that's exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I'm getting obsessed with having a perfect pain free latch every time, what you said really helped.
Maybe I'll commit to 2 weeks and reassess then.

OP posts:

brookln · 10/12/2022 02:16

Purplelion · 10/12/2022 01:24

This will be an unpopular opinion but I would switch to formula. It takes so much pressure off you and I definitely enjoyed all of my babies more than other people because I didn’t have the struggles of trying to breastfeed

I did this.
Husband was able to help, bub slept a bit longer, and I wasn't worried about what I was eating (bub had colic so I tried avoiding spicy Foods, dairy, caffeine etc - anything that could irritate his stomach).

sjpkgp1 · 10/12/2022 02:20

Aww, Congrats first of all, and yes, it is hard. Four babies here, first one breastfed until 6 months (and had some hard times with this, latching on, mastitis, on and off feeding every hour in the night, no sleep.) second one, breastfed for 3 weeks, eventually starting losing weight, went onto a mix of bottle and breast. Third and fourth, bottle after the initial stuff, and no bother since. DC1, 2 and 4 strong as Ox, hardly an illness, DC3 "enjoys" ill health but is no "iller" than the rest to be fair. I realise that people have financial constraints so BF might be the cheaper option, and for those that can do it well, it is a great option, but please don't feel pressured into it. I did, and I shouldn't have. It is absolutely nobody else's business how you feed your baby, and in my experience they thrive on formula, the same way they do on breast milk, with the added advantage that that Dad can help.

Lineeyes222 · 10/12/2022 02:20

It's entirely your choice and what is best for you and baby that matters.

I will say that the benefits of breastfeeding are huge though, and it does get easy after a few weeks, and not having to think about bottles, sterilising ect later on, especially when you go out, was definitely worth the initial struggle for me. Also if you kept at it long-term, it becomes a life-saver whenever baby/toddler is ill.

If you do want to try to do it for longer, I'd seek breastfeeding support for the latch. Have you tried nipple shields? If yes, has she been properly checked for a tongue-tie? It's normal for newborn babies to want to be held all the time, and also for them to cluster feed in the evenings to ensure your supply meets their demands. If you get a pump, your DH would be able to take over some feeds too.

Newborn days are absolutely exhausting! Best of luck and congratulations.

Mybestyear · 10/12/2022 02:21

AliceAbsolum · 10/12/2022 01:22

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

I managed 3 difficult months with DS. Had a medical issue when DD was born and couldnt breast feed owing to medication I was put on. They are now both early 20s and I can honestly say there is no difference between them that I could attribute to breast feeding! Go with what creates a more settled/less stressful “environment” overall and don’t be guilt tripped into continuing with something which is not working for you for whatever reason.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 10/12/2022 02:21

AliceAbsolum · 10/12/2022 02:13

@ALittleBitofVitriol thank you so much that's exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I'm getting obsessed with having a perfect pain free latch every time, what you said really helped.
Maybe I'll commit to 2 weeks and reassess then.

hugs it's totally normal to find it hard and overwhelming, sounds like you're doing a great job!

Also, don't discount the post birth hormone crash! Sometimes the day 3 baby blues come later and/or last longer, they make everything seem catastrophic. Be kind to yourself 💜