5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

@AliceAbsolum

I gave up after two weeks and have zero regrets. Issues with tongue tie and latch meant he destroyed my nipples. The pain was massively affecting me and my ability to bond, so I resorted to nipple guards, he then didn’t get enough milk through the guards and we had to supplement with formula. After 2 weeks he was mainly on formula but I continued to give him comfort feeds once or twice a day for a few months.

It was very emotional at the time but I’m 100% happy with the decision. Every now and then I think oh it would be much more convenient if I could just pop a boob out but then I remember that I felt so much better once I gave up and it’s also meant my partner has been able to share the burden/privilege of feeding. Overall, worth it.

I only lasted 6 days and in that time my milk didn't come in and baby would permanently attached and hungry. Yes it's cluster feeding.

We switched to formula and he started to sleep and I was then getting rest (recovering from c-section) and after I got over my grief - we were all so much better.

As the midwife said to me as I was crying at a check up - you gave your baby the liquid gold at the start. Now being fed is best and as an extension - your health and well being is also important

I breastfed in the first few weeks but soon switched to expressing and formula top ups but I was completely done with the whole operation at 10 months. I didn’t exclusively FF because formula is hideous expensive and although we could afford it, I just didn’t want to pay for something that I was making for free. Fortunately for me DD was an incredibly chill baby and would go with the flow.

Do what works for you.

OP I am two weeks ahead of you and could have written your post on day 5!

With the sleeping, DH and I did shifts and if we were really tired, the other one supervised the chest/co-sleeping as I was too scared to do it unsupervised. Each time he was unfussy and sleepy we put him in the Moses basket until suddenly on about day 7 or 8 he was happy sleeping in there and now does 90% of his sleeping there, so your baby will get there in the end and hopefully soon!

My milk didn't come in properly until about day 6 and I was so obsessed with EBF that I got really stressed about him being hungry. I should have given him a bottle of formula for my own sanity so would suggest this if things are stressing you out. I also started expressing and he took a bottle once a day fine (and it didn't affect BF). But the main thing that sorted the BF was community support so if you can access anyone or attend any groups I would highly recommend doing so! I think I just needed a bit more confidence and the knowledge that it's supposed to be difficult and a bit painful in the beginning and by day 11 I was so much happier with the BF. However I had set myself a 2 week deadline if it wasn't working,I wasn't going to push it further than that so would echo PPs advice on this.

Why not just mix feed? It's not one of the other.

Formula for the evening night feeds and breast during the day.

It takes the pressure off massively and you may find that alone helps you get more breast feeding in place if it's important to you.

Hi OP, if you want to do this you can!!! If you want to give up that’s ok too, fed is best and happy mum is so important.

that being said, bottle feeding won’t magically stop your baby napping/sleeping on you. They’re so tiny and new they want to be cuddled. Mine was the same for the first week. They’ll start going down don’t worry!

tricks for sleeping: put DH T-shirt over the cot mattress so she’s familiar with the smell, put a hot water bottle on the mattress for a bit to warm it before putting her down, put her down feet first and gently, place your hand on her tummy with a little pressure for 30 seconds, use white noise. After you’ve fed her, wait until she’s properly asleep to put her down.
don’t be disheartened if this doesn’t work straight away/all the time. She’ll get there. The 4th trimester is real and hard!!

tips re breast feeding: check out if you have any breast feeding support groups locally, in lancashire we have FAB (families and babies) and they’re incredible. If you’re not in Lancashire still look them up and follow on insta for helpful hits and tips. Also follow MamaS Milk on insta - she’s amazing and responds to DMs regularly and does a lot of Q&As. Such a useful resource.
set up a delicious snack station by your bed for the night feeds to give you a bit of oxytocin when you wake up. I always had chocolate raisins/flap Jack.
use lanisoh, smother it on before and after every feed, it honestly makes a difference.
when it’s time to feed, relax your shoulders, spend time getting the latch good if you can (hard when their little octopus arms are squirming everywhere or they’re eating their hands!)
I found mindset was a big blocker for me. I’m on my second dd and I’ve just accepted the first few weeks are shit and hard going and honestly I had a better experience for just accepting it. With my first dd I had this idea in my head of it should be easy, it’s natural, I should get some sleep right? I saw all my friends with babies older than mine casually whipping a boob out in a cafe or on a walk and feeding like it was no big deal, whereas each feed for me felt like a battle and I was all clumsy and we both got upset. It’s hard, you’re both learning a new skill whilst being knackered and hungry (and you’re probably in pain) but I PROMISE it can get easier! With my first during the first week I just accepted one night I wasn’t going to sleep, so I sat up in the living room surrounded with so many snacks (and fairy lights as that makes me relaxed) and watched about 4 Harry Potter films back to back, I sat topless and we just did tonnes of skin to skin, she fed loads, slept a bit, fed a bit more. The next days we’re so much better.

if you want to do this you absolutely can, and it will get easier.
im not an expert nor am I qualified, but I’ve bf 2 - my eldest to 18m and currently my 8 week old. If you want to DM for any help or support privately I am happy to help!

youre doing amazingly! Give your self a break xxx

If you want to stop that is absolutely fine, & no one should judge you - but this & your other posts suggest you actually need more support so hopefully this is helpful.

This group on Facebook was invaluable to me (Breastfeeding and Lactation Support UK) - www.facebook.com/groups/bflsuk/?ref=share
It's led by trained admin, they can even do latch checks.

Our local infant feeding group was also very helpful.

I'm still BFing 6 month old DS. The first two weeks were SO hard. The next 4 weeks were hard but definitely a bit better. Since he was 6 weeks old, it's been a lot easier.

BFing has really helped us get through tricky things like illness & teething too as it is instant comfort. We have had a few bumps - we had covid when he was 4 months & he went back to feeding lots for a few days, & I got some silver cups as I had a cracked nipple - but overall its worked better for us.

It's totally your choice & good support should gibe you the choice, rather than leaving you feeling you have no choice but to stop.

You can definitely give a dummy now. I did from day 1 - recommend mam 0-2 months dummy to get them started. And breastfeeding isn’t all or nothing. I have a night time bottle of formula because I needed some sleep. We did that for a year. Do what you need to do to get through and if mentally breastfeeding is stealing the joy of your new baby, it’s not worth it.

I did three miserable weeks with number 1. And 5 with number 2. No 2 had the extra weeks because I did morning and evening only after the first week or so. And no 2 could latch properly.

it sounds like you’re looking for permission to stop. If you want to you definitely should. 5 days is a good start for your baby and honestly a happy, present mother is better than all the breast milk in the world. However, I did find breastfeeding so much more convenient once it was established, ready to go on tap, no faffing in the night, felt she went off to sleep easier/ calmed down than with formula. If you’re not wedded to breastfeeding you could give them a bottle and keep trying with breastfeeding to see if they’ll go for a combo option. Mine did and it was the best of both worlds imo.

It's 100% your decision. But have you thought about combi feeding or trying breastmilk from a bottle? We started doing both breast and formula at 10 days (I think) and never looked back. She'd do some breast then top up with formula. Sometimes she'd just have formula overnight so DH could do a feed, or if we were out. Means I'm still bf her before bed at 15m.

Came here to say I also really really struggled with breastfeeding - my baby just did not want to!!! I never knew if it was my nipples, my supply or whatever. He just was never keen and in the end I struggled on with combi feeding for 6 months and reluctantly trying to breast feed him with nipple shields. I wrote many a crazy post on mn at the time. He’s now nearly a year and it still bugs me that it didn’t go well. I saw the lactation experts etc etc. I found all support to be utterly shit and nothing anyone said eased my guilt over it. I can tell you though that whilst I was mega bothered and still am a bit, my baby didn’t care one jot. He wanted milk fast and easy and he wanted it from bottles. He’s now an 12kg 11 month old! Do whatever you have to do to survive and keep your baby fed. Best of luck and congrats! Xxxxx

I would persevere if you can. I've done formula and breastfeeding and formula is actually more of a logistical pain in the arse than bf. When you get bf right it's really wonderful. Have a look at some resources online about latch and/or speak to a bf consultant.

The sleep thing is totally normally by the way and will be the same whether you bottle or boob feed. Read about the fourth trimester online.

Totally up to you, but I felt the same as you at the beginning. One nipple in particular hurt so so much I was convinced there was something really wrong with how I was doing it and the MWs just hadn’t noticed it yet. There wasn’t - your breasts just need to get used to breastfeeding, and the pain does go I promise. It’s really convenient for us now a few months in and he sleeps like a log but again it’s your decision, no judgment ❤️

Google “the fourth trimester”, it’s all about how baby is safe and warm inside you and BOOM they’re outside and cold and exposed and it’s noisy etc. They just need to be close to someone they recognise and feel safe with. Helped me a lot mentally in those first few weeks

breastfeeding is so hard. Especially in those early days. It’s absolutely relentless. You doubt yourself constantly. Only you will know if you do really really want to carry on. Friends who have moved to bottles feel guilt for not continuing. Others have been relieved and happy. I bf 3 daughters to a year-ish.

I’ve had cracked nipples, blisters, blocked ducts, it’s been hard in those early days. But suddenly it clicks and then is SO much easier. No added formula cost, no sterilising, no cleaning, no being out and panicking you’ve run out of bottles…and a lot of people who suggested to me they could “help” with feeds, well, were they going to be in my house at 3am?!?! My hubby works full time and used that as an excuse to need a good nights sleep so he wouldn’t have done weekday night feeds. At a weekend though, he did. I’d go to bed as early as I could, leave him with some of those tiny pre-made and pre-sterilised bottles, sleep for a bit, he’d do as best as he could keeping baby settled and fed with the bottles, then wake me up if she didn’t settle or he needed sleep. Just a couple of hours decent sleep can make such a difference!

Also, have daytime naps if you have partner or parents round. I remember my mum and sisters coming round, sending me for a shower and bed, I felt amazing afterwards and they rocked and cooed and shushed her for ages, plus cleaned my kitchen and bought in an amazing lunch! I know you may want to show off baby etc, but take time for yourself, say no to people, unless they’re actually going to help you! The first few weeks are SO hard, just be kind to yourself xx

if breastfeeding is really important yo you then get help. Start with a midwife, ring your gp practice to find out if they hold a breastfeeding group, ask if there are any midwives who specialise in breastfeeding who are able to come to your home, look online to get help from a breastfeeding specialist to come over. There is help available but it isn't always signposted well and unfortunately if the nhs provision isn't great you might have to pay for it. Its always easier to find this information before you have a baby, rather then when you are sleep deprived. I wish someone had told me this.

I breastfed my first but has issues with supply and had to top up with formula. My experience was negative (I won't go into it) and I have not breastfed my second or third child. My second child did sleep better than my first and my third has slept through since 3 months however every child is different and I have no idea if that was due to the way in which they were fed. All I fo know is that I was a much happier mum the second and third time around, less tired and stressed, we had other children to take care of and it was easier giving baby a bottle than having to clustered. It worked for our family.

Do whatever works best for yours.

*than having to clustered.

*clusterfeed even.

I was just like you op at 3 days. My lo had posterior tounge tie which was missed multiple times. We were lucky that we saw a lactation consultant and this was snipped at 2 weeks. What saved me in the meantime was nipple shields. You have to get the right size, but they allowed my nipples to heal. We then had an issue of weaning her off the shields, but since 5 weeks she has been latching on without them. She is currently 10 weeks old and has a bottle of formula at night with DH, and bf the rest of the time. She still however does not like to be put down and her sleep is shite, but I don't think ff would make a difference! We are currently co sleeping but hoping to get her into a crib soon. Good luck with whatever you decide. My dd1 was ff a d thrived on it and is hardly ever poorly.

Haven’t read the whole thread, so apologies if this is repetition, but Avent nipple shields were the only way I was able to breast feed. They were the only brand that worked for me. My daughter couldn’t latch properly (apparently I have “flat” nipples - who knew?) and couldn’t feed at all. With the nipple shields, it was a dream.

Ha! Just noticed the post above mine mentioned them. Didn’t have to read far! 😄

Congratulations on your baby. It is hard to begin with. I breast fed my DD for 8 months. I co uk ld have written the exact same post at 5 days!

I think someone else has mentioned it but I set small targets. So I aimed for 3 days initially to get the colostrum in her. Then I aimed for 3 weeks. That was my toughest target. The expensive nipple cream (begins with L, can’t remember what it’s called) was a revelation. I relied on belligerence and bloody mindedness to get through this stage. By the end of 3 weeks it was bearable. By my next target (6 weeks) we were both getting the hang of it and we’d debuted feeding in public. Thereafter it was enjoyable, convenient and snuggly until she got teeth.

The benefits were cost, convenience (it’s always on tap, no faffing with bottles and sterilising), and cuddles.

But, however you feed, baby will benefit. If you want to keep going (and it does get easier and there are benefits to you when it does) then try and get a lactation consultant to help. Ask your health visitor for support. And if you are too knackered to persist, get someone else to give baby a bottle whilst you head to bed. The right approach is the one that keeps your all sane and baby fed.

Of course she won’t sleep anywhere but you you. It’s unrealistic to be able to put a baby down, especially a newborn, and expect them to sleep on their own.

You need to read up on the fourth trimester.

Hi OP, have you tried a nipple shield? I have flat nipples, and it was the only way that I could get my son to latch. I combi fed him for six months in the end.

My first day or so, the maternity ward I had exactly the issues you were describing and some of the maternity nurses were telling me I absolutely shouldn't use shields, etc. (I had some with me in my hospital bag, as I was anticipating my flat nipples being an issue).

On my second night on the ward though, there was a lovely nurse who actually told me that in my case the shield would help given my flat nipples.

My son latched on so much more easily after that point. However, I was getting a little bit of soreness, so she advised me to order a bigger size of shield once I got out of the hospital. (I did this, and it did indeed make things more comfortable.)

I was a bit angry that the earlier nurses who I encountered were so militant about me not using a shield, as I definitely would have given up on about day 3 if I had persevered trying without, as it was beyond painful, and my son wasn't getting anything from me.

Switch to formula. I lasted 3 days and found it the most horrific experience. We were all happier once that decision was made.