5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

@Lola3034 are you me?! I don’t really know how to stop and despite many attempts my son will no way settle for my H. DS wakes 5-6 times a night still.

That said, I do enjoy BF. Maybe I’m lazy but being able to pop a boob in to comfort him and get him to sleep is so quick and easy. A tie, but I think it’s worth it (probably 😂)

Hi OP, I did the exact same thing as you, I stopped after 5 days I just couldn't do it and it wasn't working for me. I switched to formula and it was like a huge weight off my shoulders, not only this but my son slept well, we got more sleep, my husband helped and I got to put my boobs away and get cosey with baby on the sofa instead of struggling with my tits out!
People will encourage you to carry on but they are usually people that didn't find it hard. Some people don't get on with it and that's fine. I know where you are and I know with my next DC I will go onto formula probably day 2! Take care OP xxx

I think it's important to know that being exhausted and having painful nipples at day 5 is pretty normal. So is having a baby that only wants to sleep on you. There's so much emphasis on having a perfect happy experience nowadays but this is not often the case immediately post birth. You are recovering from birth and hormonal and it's normal to be overwhelmed. These in themselves are not reasons to switch to formula. Things will improve as time goes on if you can get the right support.
Ask your midwife for help, find a local breastfeeding group, ask if there's an infant feeding nurse who can help, you can also get a private lactation consultant, they are not that expensive. I paid £50 for a 1.5 hour consultation (during covid when local NHS services weren't functioning).

By all means switch to formula if your baby isn't thriving or if you really want to, but if you want to BF then I'd persevere a bit longer and seek all the help you can.

Look after yourself, don't do any more housework or cooking than you absolutely have to, concentrate on feeding the baby and resting. Your husband can do everything else while he's off.

This was exactly what it was like for me. I did 4 days then moved on to formula.

If YOU do want do carry it on there is lots of help and support out there but if YOU also want to swap to formula that's entirely your choice.

I have to be honest and say I wish I'd swapped over earlier as breast feeding became a huge hard exhausting stress for those first few days x

This stage is harder than formula because you are both still learning, the huge advantage is that you don't have to make bottles all night long, struggle to make them up when out and breastfeeding is free. It took about 4 weeks to really master it first time, dd2 got it immediately.

Oh and by a bit older it is so easy at night, mine co slept and from about 3 months could latch on without me really waking

I would suggested getting them on formula, they will be nice and full and hopefully sleep longer as you will be able to see how much they are drinking.

Anyone would sleep longer if their stomach was full and over stretched. New borns have tiny stomachs and are meant to take in small amounts and you don’t need to ‘see how much they are drinking’ because feeding should be baby led (unless on medically instigated feeding plan). They are designed to feed more frequently and often and yes can wake and feed more frequently at times. It’s normal baby behaviour.

A bottle feeding fuller stomach approach means they are less likely to learn to regulate their own appetite/ satiety and predisposes to obesity.

Apologies if this information is not needed.

Infant Feeding and Weight Gain: Separating Breast Milk From Breastfeeding and Formula From Food
publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/4/e20181092/37391/Infant-Feeding-and-Weight-Gain-Separating-Breast?autologincheck=redirected

The real link between breastfeeding and preventing obesity
www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-real-link-between-breastfeeding-and-preventing-obesity-2018101614998

Breastfeeding during the first year promotes satiety responsiveness in children aged 18-24 months
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22911888/
“at least 6 weeks of breastfeeding was required for increased satiety responsiveness to emerge.”

Do infants fed from bottles lack self-regulation of milk intake compared with directly breastfed infants?
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20457676/
“Infants who are bottle-fed in early infancy are more likely to empty the bottle or cup in late infancy than those who are fed directly at the breast. Bottle-feeding, regardless of the type of milk, is distinct from feeding at the breast in its effect on infants' self-regulation of milk intake.”

Do infants fed directly from the breast have improved appetite regulation and slower growth during early childhood compared with infants fed from a bottle?
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21849028/
“While direct breastfeeding was not found to differentially affect growth trajectories from infancy to childhood compared to bottle-feeding, results suggest direct breastfeeding during early infancy is associated with greater appetite regulation later in childhood. A better understanding of such behavioral distinctions between direct breastfeeding and bottle-feeding may identify new pathways to reduce the pediatric obesity epidemic.”

I haven’t tried them but my friend swears by silver nipple cups – not for feeding but wearing in your bra between feeds, sealed on with breast milk, and letting your milk heal your nipples. Too woo for me, I’m more a Lansinoh girl – the stuff in the purple tube.

Around day 5 we bought mountains of the stuff thinking it would all get used. But actually I’m prepping for baby 2 any day now and randomly found a handful of half-used tubes stuffed in a box in the attic: it does get easier and you do stop using it! (It’s also great as lip balm, though.)

You can absolutely switch to formula if you want – I wanted to quit a few times in the first fortnight but I like the advice above about not quitting on your worst day – but you can’t unquit if you regret it when you’re sterilising bottles. There’s loads online about relactation and getting go again but there’s no guarantee and it sounds like a full-time job.

Really recommend Sophie th Boob Lady, who does Zoom consults, if you’ve got the money for a lactation consultant.

Do whatever you feel is best, there's nothing wrong with formula feeding.

My baby is 4 days old and we've formula fed from birth. I haven't found it a faff at all, especially with mam bottles and a perfect prep upstairs and downstairs.

The best part and one of the main reasons why I decided to formula feed is so that feeds can be shared, we split nights in shifts and each get a decent chunk of sleep.

He likes to be swaddled in his basket and we also use white noise and a dummy which all seems to help so far.

Good luck with whatever you decide. It's a minefield, isn't it?

Poor you. Five days is prime weepy panic time - hormones will be all over the place. Mine were. I found I had to grit my teeth bf at the start as the let down feeling was so sharp and painful but this passed about three weeks in. About five weeks in was when things got a bit easier in terms of not needing to feed round the clock and getting some windows of a few hours to sleep. I got my husband to put him in the stretchy sling and take him out for a long walk each day so I could sleep for a couple of hours without having half an ear open for my baby to howl. I’m really glad I stuck at it now, it’s a magic way to settle him again in the night and no faffing with bottles. But it was full on.

Swaddling may help the baby to sleep in a cot. Also second the suggestion of sending husband out with baby in sling.

Its fine to want to stop but be prepared for the fact that it doesn't necessarily fix all your problems. DD was a bit of a shit breastfeeder & sleeper, i swapped to bottles & she was.... still a shit sleeper and feeder.

Formula doesn't "make them nice and full" any more so than breastmilk. It can be harder/slower to digest but than can have the flip side of things like constipation and gas and digestive discomfort.

Its absolutely your choice and your baby will be fine and healthy whichever you choose just be prepared that formula won't necessarily be a magic bullet.

OP absolutely switch to formula. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. Thank god for formula!

I had an awful time of breastfeeding, and when I wrongly told the HV about it, I was given such a hard time about it that I was guilt tripped into carrying on even though there was no milk coming through. Ended up in hospital a few days later because the baby had lost so much weight. Even at the hospital they were insisting I keep trying. It was such a terrible time for me. In the end it felt that I was “given permission” to start giving formula to my baby. But I still got a lot of disapproving stares.

Your midwife should be helping you - call and ask them to visit today. I am shocked by how little support is given to new mums. Midwives used to visit every day for 10 days to help with feeding and check on mum & baby.

I did breastfeeding in the day and formula at night, to get her milk drunk and meant we had more sleep! I stopped breastfeeding at 5/6 weeks (didn't realise that after 6 weeks it is meant to get easier) but I just wanted my body back. She was awkward latching on so I'd never feel comfortable going out and feeding her, I'd be flashing everyone lol. So you could either try that or just switch to formula, don't feel guilty. Sometimes you just want your body back and more sleep or time to get stuff done during the day 😀.

I had the same with mine, took him back to hospital at 4 days old he was examined by the infant feeding team turns out he had a significant tongue tie. They fixed it and it was sooo much better. Initial latch was still uncomfortable at first he was a bit "firm" but he settled down and its no uncomfortable at all anymore. It's worth getting checked if you haven't already. In the early days he would only sleep on me, I pre warmed his bed with a hot water bottle and put a top that smelled of me in there too which prevented him waking up when I transferred him to his cot. Congratulations and good luck

If you want to stick to breast feeding reach out to health visitor or midwife and ask for some help. Or contact your local woman's group they usually have breastfeeding help.
Also have you considered combi feeding? Both breast feeding and bottle feeding you get the best of both?

Personally I bottle fed, I never wanted to breast feed and didn't try but I'm a big supporter of you do whatever works for you and baby.

I just wanted to say, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Many people I meet (I’m a neonatal nurse) don't realise you can do both. Offer a breast feed for a set time (eg 10, 15, 20mins) then give a bottle top up. Over time you can either increase the BF and reduce the bottles or reduce the BF and phase onto full bottles.

You don’t need permission to stop. Do what is best for YOU and by default that will be what’s best for your baby.

Also, it’s fine to give a dummy if you want to regardless of how you choose to feed. I don’t really think nipple confusions is a thing.

Finally, congratulations on the birth of your baby!!

You’ve given it a good try. If I were finding it so hard (I was very lucky and didn’t) I think I’d just be very thankful that bottles and formula are so easily available. A lot of women in other parts of the world aren’t so lucky.

I’d give the dummy a go, too. I was once very anti them - but that was before dd2 had a classic case of 3 months colic - it was the only thing that seemed to give her any relief. Good luck.

I think it’s really sad that the Op wants to breastfeed and so many are telling her not to. She needs some support on how to do it not telling to give up when she doesn’t want to.

Op, if you want to continue contact La Leche League on FB - I got loads of help here and settled into it after a week or so. It really does have a lot of health and bonding benefits so if you want to do it don’t give up because others are telling you to do so.

I was in agony the first week or so and the cluster feeding did my head in. The remember every night saying, "I'm going to the chemist for formula in the morning." Dh would just smile. I was so glad I persevered as it got so much easier after 3 weeks. She began to spread the feeds out and there was no pain.

So, for the three years I fed there was no sterilisation, buying milk etc.

I think it’s clear that OP wants to formula feed, for the very legitimate reasons she has explained. And that’s good enough. Of course there are health benefits to breast feeding but some women don’t want to or can’t, and their babies turn our healthy and strong and very bonded to their parents. Nothing sad about that.

@SnoozyLucy7 hee follow up post said that breastfeeding was important to her. Which is the opposite of wanting to give up.

it’s sad there’s so little support

But the problem is the OP probably wants to continue because everyone constantly says "breast is best" and the midwives promote it so much. I was the same and I felt I should breastfeed.
What's NOT helpful is people telling you to stick with it when it's just not working for you. Some people have a really hard time doing it, so you shouldn't compare your 'sore nipples' to their experience.
I plainly couldn't breastfeed, it was so painful and switching to formula was a huge relief.
Allow people to share their opinions without saying it's sad people are encouraging her not to. It's good to hear both sides when you're not sure!!!

Also, I don't really understand 'breast is best' all my friends and me have formula fed their kids, they're all bright and fit/healthy. If there was an obvious benefit to BFing then I'm sure we'd all be doing it but there's kinda not....?