5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

Breastfeeding is really awful for the first 2-3 weeks with your first baby I found. I dreaded every feed! Then it got easier and was amazing. But nobody tells you how painful it is to start with even if the latch and everything is ok.

I just want to add that swapping to formula is no guarantee they'll sleep or they'll sleep in the cot.

So I'd suggest looking at the two things separately. How do you want to feed? Bf is hard in the early days and everything you've mentioned is fairly normal (and well done for getting to day five!) so giving it a good chunk of time to improve is a good idea. That said if you want to swap to formula you don't need permission it's OK to just do it.

Then look at ways you can get more sleep. I used to go to bed early and leave baby up with OH or just chill on the sofa with her on my chest whilst we watched TV together. I wasn't sleeping but I was resting. As she got older OH would get up early with her and wake me just before he had to leave

Hiya I had a c section and breastfed. Partner helped alot, I'd get comfy in the chair with a support pillow on my side and lap and hed bring him over to me, id use this pillow to help get into comfortable position for us both and when done my partner would take him. My baby had a tongue tie so things didn't go smoothly at 1st but as soon as he had it snipped the latch was alot better. After 2 weeks partner went back to full time work. Still in pain from section i camped out in bedroom, partner would make sure I had plenty of food, drink and snacks at my bedside and everything from nappies, spit up clothes and spare clothes for us both on the bed. I've got a 46inch telly in bedroom so pretty much watched telly all day in between feeding and napping with baby co sleeping. As soon as partner would get home, he'd take over and let me sleep some more.
Bringing him back when he needed feeding. Weekends I'd catchup on sleep while he took care of baby again would bring him back for feeds. Weekends was a permanent arrangement.
After the 2 weeks partner slept soundly all night and I dealt with baby, napped where I could. But I always got my best sleep when he took baby downstairs for a bit.
After a couple of weeks I felt strong enough to get down the stairs carrying baby myself. I found i still preferred to lay down on my side on the bed to feed. So much easier. I would urge you to continue breastfeeding. I used to think it was ick and was anti BF and then I had him and tried. It wasn't easy, ice had blocked ducts and mastitis but i got through it, honestly don't know how I'd have coped looking back pissing around with bottles, checking liquid temp, sterilising etc with a hungry screaming baby. Instead of just rolling on my side and popping a boob in their mouth. Not alone the cost. Having a babys very hard work don't beat yourself up xx

Could you look at mixed feeding? I mixed fed after a similar amount of time (cant remember the exact days) and it was the best desicion i made personally.

If you want to continue, there is plenty of support out there. There are 24/7 breastfeeding helplines to offer advice (look up La Leche League, NCT), Facebook groups and Instagram accounts run by lactation consultants too. Your midwife can sometimes help, or could refer you to your hospital's infant feeding team. NCT also run some in person and virtual breastfeeding 'cafes' where you can get advice from lactation consultants. if you're still in lots of pain while feeding, might be worth seeing someone who can assess for tongue tie, also cranial osteopath for releasing baby's muscle tension which might be causing restrictions which affect feeding.

Very normal for ruby babies to only want to sleep on you - it's intense but gets easier the older/bigger/fuller they get. Good luck!

Re what happens when DH goes back to work, don’t worry about what will happen in the future - just do what works today, and change it tomorrow if needed. So if you can share the load right now and get some essential sleep, that is fine for now. Do you have other family who can help?

In my own experience a perfect pain free latch isn’t a thing that happens in the first few weeks, so don’t worry that you’re doing it Rong.

IF you want to keep nursing, try kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/latch-resources/ and Dr Jack Newman videos.

If you don’t want to, or if you want to mix feed, then that is absolutely fine.

Use a dummy if you want to. There's a lot of rubbish about nipple confusion/interfering with feeding cues but no good evidence for this. Mine have all been EBF and fine with dummies from a couple of weeks or earlier.

I agree that breastfeeding is much harder now but after a couple of months much easier, so can be worth it for the convenience /easier night feeds etc if you want to carry on. But entirely your choice if you don't want to!

There is no good evidence about formula feeding meaning better sleep for babies.

Just mirroring the above comment. Both of mine have been breastfed, but had dummies, with no inkling of nipple confusion or any other such issue. Eldest had a dummy til 4 months, bf just shy of 2 years, youngest 8 months and still going with both bf and dummy.

I went through this and it went on for weeks until we finally had the cause of poor latch addressed (tongue tie). I'm now still breastfeeding my 18m old! Get yourself some good support from the local team or a lactation consultant. It's still such early days. As for baby only sleeping on you, try and read up on the needs of a fourth trimester newborn- Sarah Ockwell Smith and Kathryn Stagg have loads of great advice. It's such a shame parents to be aren't made more away this is the reality for most new parents!

Things may have changed a lot by the time your husband goes back to work. Don't give up yet. Over a lifetime breastfeeding really makes a difference to your baby's health.

Don't give up if you don't want to! Breastfeeding is HARD to start with but it gets so much easier.

Have you tried nipple shields? My problem with DD was when she was 5 days old my milk came in and her latch was crap and I was so engorged she'd just slip off. Because her latch was rubbish it was painful as well. Nipple shields allowed her to have better purchase to latch on and also protected my nipples. It was like night and day using them so that was an easy fix. When she was about 6 months old she pulled the shield off and latched as if she'd always done it like that.

DS was a totally different story and never had any trouble latching, never caused me any pain. I tried to get him to use nipple shields as I was worried about the pain but he wouldn't.

Also I'm sure some are good but I found midwives and health visitors no help with latch at all. Do your local NCT (you don't need to be a member) or similar run a breastfeeding drop in? Health visitor will have details of what's available locally. If you can't get somewhere lots also do video calls now.

Also, lots of crap written about if latch is right it's not painful. The reality is for the first couple of weeks, for most people you do need to grit your teeth through the first twenty seconds or so each time as it does hurt. It should get better after this though.

Oh and have you tried co-sleeping? If you feed the baby lying down then you can detach yourself once they're asleep and they'll stay asleep snuggled close to you. I didn't realise until DS was a few months old but you can feed off both breasts whilst lying on one side! For the top breast you just have to lie kind of on your stomach. It might be harder to do that with a newborn who needs more head support.

For co-sleeping with mine I had their bedside crib pushed up to the side of the bed so that was kind of a bed guard. DD slept between me and DH once she was old enough to crawl so the next to me didn't feel safe. DS is much more adventurous than DD so I bought some big bed guards that turn our bed into a massive cot. Looks a bit silly but is very secure.

If you still want to try to breastfeed maybe express and bottle feed her that. X

Congratulations OP! Sorry to hear you're so drained. I was like this with my first and have to say breastfeeding him was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

At 5 days post partum I'd cracked my nipples entirel, hardly has a supply and baby had lost weight.

I ordered nipple shields which I wore every feed till my nipples healed underneath and toughened up, forgot about latch and focussed on feeding and healing, and let baby cluster feed for first 2/3 weeks. Also when I was shattered had my partner sway baby to sleep while I got some sleep in (midwife told him try to settle the baby a few metres away from me so he couldn't smell me and it began to work). Sleep is important in milk supply! My supply took forever coming in. Randomly at 16 weeks I tried latching my baby and voila he latched pain free, and I breastfed till 2 years. His mouth needed time to grow a bit.

This time 12 days post partum and guess what .. it hurts! Nothing like the first time but definitely uncomfortable. I think whoever said a good latch means no pain was wrong. A good latch means discomfort at first till they get into it, a bad latch means unbearable pain and never healing. This baby has a great latch but I still hurt and by day 5 my milk finally started coming in.

Take it easy on yourself and don't feel bad supplementing at some feeds while you build supply and baby wakes up a bit and garners energy to feed.

Also use a dummy if you wish to. X

Was her weight check okay today I.e she hadn’t lost more than 10% body weight?

id really recommend ‘breastfeeding without tears’ by Clare Byam Cook it’s a video you can buy online I think for £8. She talks a lot of sense. She talks about breastfeeding in general and then about the latch. She also recommends swaddling to get baby to settle in the cot.

Certainly get some help with the latch if you can. I’d also let DH do a bottle of formula to give you a break and get some sleep.
I always found mine struggled with digesting formula but that could just be me…..

For my babies they all had tongue tie. Dd1 wouldn’t latch, dd2 would but lost too much weight and same with dd3 who is 4 weeks old and I have ended up expressing for them all. It’s a bit of a faff, I wish I could’ve nursed them, but it got breastmilk into them with the benefit of bottle feeding (I.e I could express and then clock off for 3-4 hours).

Good luck! The first 6 weeks with newborns are so hard but I keep reminding myself it gets better.

Oh, it’s awful at the beginning – their mouths are so tiny, your breasts are going haywire, it hurts, it’s chaos! But the convenience once it clicks is brilliant: grab baby, grab changing bag, leave the house. Zero bottles, prep, sterilising, etc. No middle-of-the-night getting out of bed to sort bottles. Once it gets easy it really is easy.

But it’s normal for it to be hard to start with and if you want to continue, definitely access all the support available.

Sleeping on you is a separate issue, I think. That wears off too. Look up safe cosleeping – the safe seven, the C-shape position – and get the baby on the mattress next to you.

Next step is feeding lying down. When it all comes together – breastfeeding, cosleeping, feeding lying down, barely waking – it’s great. Hard work to get going then lovely lazy parenting and snoozy cuddles.

It's such early days. Stick it out and it will be worth it. Formula feeding is an absolute faff. And look at the ingredient list on the tub - full of stuff your baby doesn't need. Your milk is designed especially for your child.

I'm currently 6 months into breastfeeding and felt completely the same at the start. But its now so much easier. She was constantly attached and I remember falling asleep with her on me which led to us co-sleeping as it was the safer option.

I tried expressing milk to give me a break and actually found bottles more work. Yes bottle feeding means you can share but, realistically once your husband goes back to work, will it be back to you doing all the feeds anyway so adding sterilising and making bottles to your workload? I find it harder to feed bottles than breast as I don't have a free hand so can't do anything else.

Short term, could you get to bed and rest and have your husband bring baby to you for feeds whilst he sorts changes out and holds for naps? You probably won't sleep much but I found lying down so much more relaxing.

@AliceAbsolum At 5 days in all I can tell you is I thought the bf was jolly painful & tempted to stop but it did get very much easier. In my case I had had a CS so couldn't move that much & thought might as well get it all over with. It did get easier . Had a slight mastitis thing where Mother told me about the cabbage leaves ( actually a call to the midwife was a bit more helpful )

I would not tell you what to do, you must decide , but one experience is 5 days is still quite early so if you want to keep on , if I am anything to go by it does get very very much easier. You must decide and very very best wishes whatever you do .

Hi OP, I was exactly where you are 5 days post partum but I stuck it out and we are still breastfeeding at nearly 1! BF was really, really important to me so I tried my absolute best to stick it out. I wish I had known how hard the first couple of weeks were going to be.
it’s totally normal for such a tiny baby to only sleep on you although I know it’s exhausting. In that regard the first thing I’d do is research safe co-sleeping and try to master the lying down feed. Once I did that my life changed but it’s so hard at first because their mouths are tiny.
if you can afford it, I really recommend seeing a lactation consultant. They are amazing and can show you different ways to feed etc. The first few weeks are HARD and even harder if breastfeeding but this is all totally normal and you need to be prepared to spend a lot of time in bed/on the sofa breastfeeding.
However if you decide it’s really not for you there’s no shame at all in formula feeding and baby will be absolutely fine. But if breastfeeding is important to you as you say then I really recommend sticking it out. I’m so glad I did. Best of luck with everything, it really does get so much easier.

At 5 days in things won’t be perfect and my nipples (which held to feeding really well, not a single crack ever) where still sore at the start and it may be uncomfortable and sore while they get used to it. Are you co sleeping? It really helped my sleep and I really worked to her comfortable with feeding laying on my side, so much more restful than sitting in a chair.

Once she's latched on, try pulling down on her chin with your thumb to open her mouth wider. Also try switching position. I could only get my DS latched on in rugby ball hold for quite a few days, not sure why! Also if you're getting sore try different positions so that it's not irritating the exact same place every time. Lanolin after every feed and you can also buy cool pad things from boots to put in your bra. I also used bepanthen cream on my nipples, which works really well even though it's supposed to be nappy cream.

Re putting down. I agree with the others to have a go at breastfeeding her lying down so that you don't have to attempt the put-down. It's quite hard and can be a bit uncomfortable so I didn't always do it, but I did it on the occasions where I just could not get the baby to be put down. Put a muslin underneath her mouth in case she dribbles milk everywhere.

You can also try a purflo nest, heating up the mattress with a hot water bottle before putting her down, and putting her down on her side first then tipping her into her back afterwards.

She won't be like this forever, you're still only on day 5, she will get better and easier to put down.

Congratulations on your new baby! It's so so hard in the beginning but will get easier OP. I would start getting DH to give her formula when you feel you need some rest. I know they say not to before 6 weeks and breast feeding is established but we did this as DS was small and we needed to see he was getting something down, and I was in quite a bad way after the birth and needed rest. It's worked out fine and now 8 week old DS takes both bottle and breast depending on what suits us, and I have started to enjoy breastfeeding. It takes the pressure off. Then again, how you feed your baby is your choice and won't make any difference to their long term health so if you don't think you will enjoy breastfeeding, then I would do the complete switch to formula now! If in any doubt though, keep going with the breast on your terms to keep your milk supply going.