5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

I’m still breastfeeding my 3 year old dd. If I had my time again, I’d formula feed. Life is hard, do what’s easy for you without any shame or guilt. If you persevere, it’ll likely stop hurting after day 10 (that’s the magic day I was feeding naturally and pain free with all four of our children). Whatever you do choose, please be kind to yourself. You’ve just grown a baby, that itself is magic and something to be so proud of. Good luck mama

You sound like me 8 weeks ago. I'm currently mixed feeding at nearly 9 weeks.

I had the same issue with painful latch, lack of sleep and a baby that would only sleep on me. It ruined the first few weeks with DD. I've had a few threads in the past 2 months and had some really good advice. I also had great support from the infant feeding specialist midwife so contact them if you have them in your area.
I actually switched to bottles at one point but then had to go back to breast to get a tongue tie referral as they won't snip it for bottle fed babies.

We also ended up with terrible wind, vomiting and colic as DD had a posterior tongue tie diagnosed at 3 weeks and cut at 5 weeks and she's been better since.

DD has a small mouth so she can't open it really wide and has a shallow latch which is painful. I do sandwich hold to latch on and although it's still painful, it's tolerable. Try and have baby in a good position and chin leading when you latch.
It's apparently normal for breastfeeding to be a bit uncomfortable but nobody tells you that beforehand.

With regards to the sleep, I can't actually remember what happened because I'm still so knackered. I think it gradually got better over time. My main issue was her sleeping on me then me falling asleep. I remember reading a post where they said to lift and drop baby's arm 3 times and if they don't stir then you can put them down and that works for us. I also set a 10 minute timer on my phone if I feel like im too sleepy and it wakes me if I do fall asleep with her.

Whatever you do, don't get into the faff of breast, bottle then pump. I did that for a few days and it was brutal.

I'm currently offering breast at each feed then formula top up. We started this as she wasn't feeding well due to tongue tie and we almost got to exclusive breastfeeding after it was snipped but then I got mastitis and my supply reduced. My supply is good again but DD still wants the top ups so I've kind of made peace that this is how it works for us.

If breast isn't working out then do formula if that works better for you. Personally I would stick at breast for a bit longer as it seems like you want it to work. There's great advice on la leche league and kellymom websites and loads of knowledgeable posters on the infant feeding section on here.

I am currently breastfeeding and gave a bottle from day 1 every evening that my partner gave her (formula until I was able to pump enough). I also wish I'd given a dummy from earlier on as when I tried at 6 weeks she refused. Those first few weeks are bloody hard but it does get easier (17 weeks in and it got easier around 12 weeks and is now much much better'. You have to do what's right for you and if that's not breastfeeding then that's fine. What your babies doing is totally normal though 'the fourth trimester' but that's not to say it isn't hard! If you want to still breastfeed I would start giving a bottle in an evening so that you can get some sleep whilst partner feeds it (pump for the missed feed tho) and for the cluster feeding which will be them upping your supply get some snacks and put some good films on - it does pass x

also just to add my baby wouldn't sleep in the next to me crib but would sleep inside the Moses basket (we had one downstairs) so I brouhit that up and put the basket inside the crib... it meant we got a few hours sleep in an evening. I would also look at safely Co-sleeping (lullaby trust), I have Co-slept through difficult nights and that has also helped. Sometimes babies are just crap sleepers tho... my friend has a formula fed baby who is terrible through the night and my baby has been the better sleeper out of the two!

I’m 4 weeks in to breastfeeding. Those first few days are so tough but for me it is starting to get abit easier. Call the NCT breastfeeding helpline for some advice if needed or see if there’s any support groups around. It’s your choice ofc if you want to give up but I think getting support early on will give you best chance to continue if that’s what you want :)

If it’s not working for you definitely switch to formula. At least you have tried. It makes life easier when other people can help out with feeding

I've loved combi feeding I get the best of both worlds. Dh can do half and bath gets all the benefits of breastmilk.

Breastfeeding does get easier though and it's so handy later on it really gave me freedom on mat leave

We had similar: baby wouldn’t sleep unless held when he was about 3-days old for a few days. Breastfeeding was a bit uncomfortable and I wasn’t sleeping much…however within a few days he started sleeping longer in the Moses basket, & as my milk came in/mouth got bigger then feeding became so easier. He’s now 11m and still breastfed: so much easier as don’t need to plan bottles/sterilise stuff/plan formula amounts etc.
Admittedly I wanted to switch within a week but so glad I didn’t

To open their mouth wide, your baby needs to be approaching your breast from underneath, with your nipple actually aimed at their nose, not their mouth. YouTube some things like "deep latch" "asymmetrical latch". I do BF support and so many women have been given really poor advise and hands on support. If this is important to you please access some in-person support and look at online resources.

Also look at bedsharing / cosleeping advice from BASIS. For me it was the only way of getting any sleep. Most babies just don't like bassinets.

Please get some support from a qualified lactation consultant. One session could have you and your baby absolutely nailing it - it's a skill to learn and it's different with each baby. You can do this OP and you'll be so pleased you did.

I had specialist breastfeeding support from my local drop in groups at this point. had really similar issues to you, baby not opening mouth wide enough.

The main takeaway, which I really appreciated and made a huge difference: put your hand behind baby’s head. Wait until their mouth opens as wide as it can. Then do the ‘boob smash’ - quickly and fairly violently shove their open mouth into the nipple, quite deep - before they can close their mouth again. It’s quite aggressive and takes a split second!

Or you can just stop. You are allowed to just stop.

i’d also do anything to get baby to sleep off me - including a side by side cot so I could put hand on it, Ewan the sheep, dummy. One of my babies always needed one more layer than recommended, they just ran cold. Took us months to realise this.

What are these gel pads you speak of? I'm 2 days in and already my nipples are battered and sore 😩 been putting the lanolin cream on but they really hurt to have a bra on now 😭

Oh, and I topped up with formula (from day 6 with baby 1, from day 0 with baby 2). There are practical advantages and disadvantages with all methods of feeding, and you have to empower yourself to do what you want!

Someone once said to me that you're not asked if you were breastfed in a job interview so why does it matter how your fed. You've done so well doing 5 days, whatever works for you will be best so why not introduce formula and see how you get on. At the end of the day as long as your baby is fed then everyone is happy 🙂

I pushed through and I regret it. Try formula x

4th time mum here who struggled every time with breastfeeding (they ALL had tongue tie and I’m not sure I had more than about 2 good latches for 6 weeks!) My favourite option for me was mixed feeding. Being able to give a bit of formula stopped me feeling so panicky and obsessed about bfing because I knew they were getting some food but also allowed me to keep practising feeding until it got easier. The thing that is so useful about having the option of bfing is that it calms them down so well - it’s just useful to have up your sleeve when they are losing the plot!

So what I do is every time he needs a feed I feed him myself first and then if he’s still hungry he has some formula. He doesn’t struggle to switch between the two and I feel really happy with how it’s working out. I’d say keep going with some breastfeeding if it’s important to you, it doesn’t have to be exclusive breastfeeding or no breastfeeding. Good luck!!

Congratulations on your baby! Just wanted to reiterate what others have said as someone who recognises everything you have written. I'm about 2 weeks ahead of you with my first baby and have had all of the same issues as you. I bought some Lansinoh nipple shields and they helped massively with the latch and the pain. Only used them for a few days as they made such a huge difference.
I didn't want to use a dummy after reading all of the information about nipple confusion but we were getting desperate at the lack of sleep so gave in and that massively helped baby to drop off. She won't take it every night but it helped enough to get her into a bit of a sleep routine. She is now sleeping in her crib and for longer periods so the sleep deprivation is nowhere near as bad.
Finally, if you want to formula feed do it and don't feel guilty!
Hope this helps from someone in a very similar position not that long ago!

I am almost 3 months into bfing my second baby at the moment, but I did have a hard time with the first. Like yours, she wouldn’t be put down and slept in our arms for the first week. We had to do shifts holding her and whenever she cried I obviously had to feed her. It was exhausting!!

Eventually, after having to call my mum to come round and help as we were both exhausted, my mum helped me try to put her down to sleep in her crib. I had to place baby down whilst she was already asleep and slowly take my hands away. If she stirred I would gently place my hand on her tummy and it usually helped settle her.

After this, the greatest discovery was a white noise app which I played on my phone and placed by the crib. She definitely slept longer with this going.

Regarding breastfeeding - something that really helped me was getting a breastfeeding pillow. It helped support baby so that I could focus on getting the latch right and saved my back from aching too much!

Remember that both you and baby are learning how to breastfeed. As long as baby is gaining weight then they are getting milk and the rest will get better over time as you get more used to it.

Watching lots of YouTube videos on how to breastfeed helped me to improve my latch, but as pp have said, it does still bloody hurt! Even with baby no.2, I had nipple pain and his latch was poor for the first 2 weeks as his little mouth was just too small!

Those first few weeks of new parenthood are so bloody hard. You feel like you are running on fumes all the time and every little thing makes you anxious. You have got this mummy!!

You should do what works for you, and don't have any guilt about it... there are plenty of other things to feel guilty about as a parent, this is not one of them!

What I would say is that when you crack it, breastfeeding is very easy in terms of not having to get up, prepare bottles etc. during the night. We have a co-sleeping cot next to the bed and I can literally roll over, feed baby, change baby (we keep nappies, wipes and a changing-mat on a table next to the bed) without getting up or out of bed at all. In your situation, I would definitely consider mixed feeding for a bit - let your partner give formula in the evening while you have a sleep, then breastfeed during the night so there's no faff with bottles then. But it's just about finding the least stressful system that works for you and your baby, and it's fine if that's formula... the last thing you want is not to enjoy this time as much as you can because you're so stressed.

Look for BF support group that meets F2F, if you don't were to go ask your local NCT or your midwife.

I also agree with others though that combi-feeding is possible and a lot less stress on the mother. I did this for 3 months, BF + extracting 6+8 times a day in total, and formula to top up.

🙋🏻‍♀️ 5 week old BF baby over here

Stick at it - there are some practical benefits in the long run and it is so good for their immune system. Some tips:

1. A good lactation consultant/BF advisor is worth their weight in gold.
2. Swaddle at night. Babies love to sleep on you for the first few weeks and startle easily when you put them down to sleep. Swaddling will help. You don’t have to co-sleep if you don’t want to (I don’t).
3. If you’re considering formula, let your husband try with a small bottle at night (the Aptimil ready to feed ones are good). Baby might sleep slightly longer, but the biggest benefit is making sure you have a baby who can take a bottle… in my experience all that stuff about “nipple confusion” is nonsense, they can successfully take both nipple and bottle.
4. Take all advice with a massive pinch of salt. People are really opinionated about BF v formula. Do whatever feels best for you and baby xx

Have you thought about combi feeding? My little one had a tongue tie so we really struggled with breastfeeding at the start, her dad gave her a formula bottle at 4 days old she slept for 4 hours solid it was amazing. We've kept up the bedtime formula bottle and give the nipple the rest of the time but it also means that if I pop out to tesco without her if she gets hungry who ever is babysitting can give her a formula without any issues. If you have Instagram themilknest is a good one to follow she's in America but has lots of useful tips on breastfeeding, she's more supportive than the breastfeeding support workers who gave me so much contradicting info it fried my brain. It doesn't matter whether your baby is formula, breast or combi fed as long as they are happy and fed x

The thing about baby sleeping better on formula is a myth. Check out professor Amy Brown videos www.facebook.com/breastfeedinguncovered/videos/1752206478374358/

Your baby is only 5 days old so what you mention re sleep is perfectly normal (i know it's hard) do you know about the fourth trimester? It helped me to learn abit about this to understand what was happening and how it would pass. Nothing stays the same for very long in the world of babies you might find you're worrying about something and then the next week it's all changed!

It sounds like you do want to keep giving breastfeeding a go and you are only 5 days in so your milk will not long have come in. It can take time for breastfeeding to get easier / established and for you both to learn how to do it - you're learning a brand new skill too so it's more than ok to ask for help as millions of women have been in the same position before you (including me). Please give your local infant feeding team a call or la leche league as honestly think you'll find it reassuring to chat it all through with someone and get some support with the latch www.laleche.org.uk/telephone-helpline/