5 days into breastfeeding and I think I'm going to give up

[AliceAbsolum]

I had no idea how hard this would be. If I could just get the latch right regularly I think I'd be a lot better, but she just won't open her mouth.

She also won't sleep anywhere but on us... How does that work when DH goes back to work? If I formula fed he could do an equal block of time with her. Or maybe a dummy would really settle her, but I'm too worried about it interfering with breastfeeding.
It's only 5 days in but I'm not sure how much longer I can go with 3 1 hour naps a day

I can't enjoy her just constantly trying to stay awake all night long or struggling to get her to latch on.

Help :(

It sounds like breastfeeding is important to you so contact la leche league and try to find a local breastfeeding cafe. If you can, see somebody about a tongue tie if you genuinely feel like things aren't right. Don't worry about enjoying your baby. That's a myth. Baby is learning how to feed. Should get easier around 6 - 8 weeks. Feels like an age at the time but not in retrospect. It's also normal for a baby to only sleep on you! Sleep in shifts with your partner if you can. It will improve, give it time. It sounds like nobody told you the truth about breastfeeding beforehand. This also happened to me. Was quite a shock. Good luck!

'Also, don't discount the post birth hormone crash! Sometimes the day 3 baby blues come later and/or last longer, they make everything seem catastrophic'

This is an important point, some people get the baby blues worse than others. Mine started around day 4/5 with DD and was incredibly severe, the despair and hopelessness was so overwhelming and I do think breastfeeding made those feelings worse somehow I just couldn't cope with both. Then around day 9 I went from crying all day to just crying in the afternoon and after a few days no crying at all!

I've been breastfeeding for eight years nearly. I do regret it much of the time. I found starring breastfeeding easy, but the sleepless nights were a nightmare with both. When I went back to work I couldn't wean them off, so had to spend my half hour break pumping and trying to eat in a room people kept walking in. Both kids were clingy with bfing too and obviously all night feeds were down to me, although OH helped when my second had many meltdowns in the night.

Neither of my kids weaned easily and I'm still feeding a 3.5 year old. People will tell you to just put your foot down and stop, but they aren't the ones who have to deal with the ensuing meltdown at 2am and the rest of the family shouting at you for waking them up.

What benefits have I noticed for breastfeeding both for 3 years. None really. My eldest didn't get a great deal of bugs in the early days, but he was with a CM

Here for solidarity. My little one was born Monday and I'm currently EBF.

I'm grateful he latches quite well, so I haven't had that stress, but he's still been on and off feeding all night - I got 1 hour where I let him cosleep but otherwise he'll on sleep when on someone. Actually I lie, he slept beautifully in the bassinet when we had my in laws came over 🙄

Lots of good advice in here but at the end of the day, a fed baby is a happy baby. If you feel you might regret stopping breast feeding, it's definitely worth making sure you explored all options including nipple shields and a lactation consultant to look at positioning and rule out tongue tie etc. Giving a bottle of formula does not mean you have stop breastfeeding either, lots of people combo feed. Breast feeding has lots of benefits but it's not worth your sanity!

I don't agree with this. We never had issues with baby 'needing' to sleep on us.

Sorry to hear you’re struggling!

I didn’t have the best start to BFing but someone told me never to quit on a bad day and somehow that worked and I managed 18 months before my supply dried up with pregnancy #2.

I completely echo other replies around getting the latch checked by an IBCLC if you have the funds to do so, join Breastfeeding & Lactation Support UK in FB, La Leche League and 100% get your midwife to refer you to the hospitals infant feeding team. There’s also tonnes of amazing videos on YouTube which I found so helpful.

My biggest tips that helped me massively would be:

• tilt your babies head back before you latch so they can open their mouth fully
• explore other feeding positions (there’s tonnes) - the one that worked for me was the ‘koala hold’ & having baby straddle my thigh. Not the most conventional but by god was it efficient!
• make sure you’re as relaxed as possible - it’s one thing to latch but another thing to actually have a good ‘let down’ of milk!

once everything falls into place, it’s so easy and convenient. Give yourself a few weeks for that to happen though!

Best of luck!

It’s ok, you’re allowed 😁

I bottle fed after 6 weeks. I just didn't enjoy it at all and DS slept so much better on a bottle.

It gets easier. You could try expressing a bit for someone else to do a feed so you get a longer stretch of sleep say, once a day/night. Lanolin is really good too. Perhaps explore some options to help and give it a bit of time before making any decisions.
The first days and weeks are SO hard but it genuinely does get easier.

If you decide to continue breastfeeding I would absolutely give your little one a dummy. I was worried about giving my eldest a dummy so lasted until 3months by my 3rd I brought one to the hospital. It didn’t impact upon latch but took baby some getting used to different sucking mechanism so had to hold dummy in for quite a while until he got used to it. Absolutely worth it though, I found mine all wanted to comfort suck and without a dummy they did that on me. You learn to recognise what is sucking for milk and what is fluttery type sucking for comfort. I would be able to take them off put dummy in and they would settle. Whatever you do happy mum equals happy baby. Good luck!

It does get easier but also don't be afraid to do what is right you you and your family. Sleep/rest when she does drink/eat plenty and all will be OK whatever you decide

I found it so so hard too. Couldn’t get the latch right and had horrific sore nipples! It became such a big deal weather I should stop or carry on. I felt so bad so kept trying, in the end I stopped and it was so much easier. Looking back now I should have stopped a lot earlier and been happier! Do whatever’s right for you and don’t feel at all bad about it!

Do what works for you. Baby not going to care as long as baby gets milk. I choose to ff and best decision I ever made. I never share why on here as mn is anti ff. Congratulations op and enjoy those new born hugs. X

Good suggestion here. I wish I tried this. Would have solved a lot of the negatives of bf. I don't think people push this as a solution to bfing issues enough. I can see why they want to push the EBF for 6 months, but I rarely encounter anyone who has done this. I weaned both on solids at 4 months and they wouldn't have got to 6 month on BM alone.

You can choose to do whatever works best for all of you!

My eldest was bottlefed - awful sleeper, had to be on you & i have memories still of a screaming baby and a whole heap of dirty bottles - she had to held - I put her in a sling & did my best. I’m only saying this is nothing is perfect and it’s ok. Dummy was a life saver for all of us I actually sometimes got to just sit :) At 19 she is still a bad sleeper!

Second one was a bouncy hard 2 weeks of breastfeeding especially with having an older child. Husband stepped up and did bath time with baby & took little one out for walks - these gave me a break & he bounded with baby. Then it all clicked and while it really was a tough 2 weeks I now have no regrets! She was a better sleeper & weaned a lot easier!

Some babies need snuggles regardless of how they fed - but do what works for you!

It's very very early days OP. Your baby is still figuring out how to feed after the shock of coming from a small dark warm wet cosy space where all its food is provided. Have you read up on the fourth trimester? Do keep going if you can. BF is a really special thing to do, it's something only you can do with your babies and you'll miss it when they stop.

Day 5 was around I cried over a tin of formula... With my third kid. It was just so hard at first.

You've given colostrum, that's important. If you want to stop then stop.

Or ask for help with latch and check for tongue tie.

I'm glad I didn't quit but there's nothing wrong going on formula if you've had enough.

My first was a very " sucky" baby so she had a dummy from the off and I breastfed.

Just wanted to say:
Day 5 is very early and yes, you must be exhausted! Congratulations on your new baby!
If you breastfeed, it does suddenly often get easier.
There isn't enough info out there about combi feeding. We did this, just if you want to breastfeed, you just have to watch the proportion of breastfeeding vs formula feeds to keep your supply up. My friend also did this and we were thinking we should write our own mini guide on combi feeding because we had to make it up ourselves and would have found some advice helpful. We haven't tho yet sorry.
If you can pump, pump. I couldn't pump or express a lot of milk but another friend did and she shared nights equally with her DH. I rented a pump from children's centre but it didn't work for me and I read all the advice.
My DD was v flexible until at 4 months she bottle refused and after that would never drank formula again. So we did 4 months of limited combi followed by EBF (actually BF for a few years after that.)
BF is v convenient once underway as you don't have to worry about sterilising bottles or buying/making formula. Good when out and about.
My cousins were all totally formula fed from birth and are like these over achieving geniuses. (People say all these things about breast milk vs formula and longterm effects but I don't think it's true. The only thing I do buy is slightly increased immunity from breast milk but DD was always sick anyway and my dad was 1 of 10, all formula fed, all in excellent health in their elder years.)
I did like breastfeeding, but at 5 days in, I was too sick to breastfeed properly. Sounds like you might cut yourself a break with a few dad feeds w formula.
Oh finally, my dad said to me when I was struggling, don't let perfection be the enemy of progress! That was great fatherly advice on breastfeeding. So I breastfed each day as much as I could until I couldn't. Just do what you can bear and make sure you get some rest.
Or move on to formula if you prefer. I remember the first time I bottlefed my daughter and how relaxed I felt and how happy and satisfied she looked. We were able to make eye contact while she was feeding which was wonderful.

Do what's right for you. But as someone who's done it twice (18m with 1st, currently 10m with current), you are literally in the hardest part. It gets easier and easier for so many who persevere. I saw a lactation consultant with both of mine as both had a tongue tie (and with 1st she helped us learn to latch better). You can also try nipple shields which encourage a really good latch. And look up the nipple flip to help latch too. If not a consultant, there are loads of breastfeeding support groups, ladies who've done it and have some sort of qualification and will help and advise. They can also advise with combination feeding, or stopping breastfeeding if that's what you decide.

I had a terrible time with both for different reasons (tongue ties etc, plus due to a differebt issue 2nd was spitting up my blood in his milk for a couple of days 🙃) but for us it was right to persevere. Night feeds become so quick and easy, no needing to prep bottles or go get one when baby is screaming the place down, or even get out of bed as crob was right next to me. No need to sterilise a million things and carry bottles etc everywhere you go. Equally I know some who've combine fed (couple of breastfeeding per day but bulk is bottles), or pumped and bottle fed (a HUGE amount of work, not for the fainthearted), or purely formula, and all have been good choices for the individual family. For some relief with nights, you could pump enough for a bottle, get an early night and partner stays up with baby for another couple hours/another feed, then puts baby to bed. Worked for us a night or so a week for the first month when its so relentless.

Regarding sleeping, it's normal. Newborns are just like this I'm afraid. I put mine down in their crib for night sleeps once they were asleep in my arms (and after a night or so this becomes easier), and once they were a few months started easing them in while still slightly awake. But for day sleeps mine both slept on me for probably a couple of months. But I was breastfeeding and they usually fall asleep at the end of a feed.

No choice is right or wrong, and anyone who says it is should stfu. It's what's right for you and your family.

Oh if you decide to continue, maybe find a local BF group. I went to one once and it just gave me a bit of a boost that what I was going through was normal. It wasnt easy in the beginning but got suddenly easier about 3 months in.

Do it, do whatever is best for you. The breast feeding police on here will come down heavy but ignore

I struggled with breastfeeding for the first week - DS seemed to have a tiny mouth and wouldn't open it widely enough to latch properly no matter what I did! It got suddenly better after 6 or 7 days and after a few weeks it was the easiest thing in the world. He's nearly seven months now and I love breastfeeding: it's convenient, free and a lovely bonding experience.

His sleep has been up and down but he has done a couple of long stretches of only waking once overnight, so I don't think the rough patches have been anything to do with breastfeeding. It's normal for them to only want to sleep on/with you at first but it does get better!

It's really hard especially at first. Other are right your milk will only just be coming in.
First couple weeks are hard.
My mw team sent a lady out to help me get latch etc as my DS only liked one boob
He did nearly 6 months and has been taller than me since primary school. He had formula after that.
Expressing was hard work for me so I did it and left a bottle if I wanted to leave him for a couple hours.
My DD was a boob monster bottle refuser and would not have a bottle until I went back to work. But never my milk and never formula only cows milk.
See if your local team have any support available?

I got my sanity back by conbi feeding, but I really hated BF, so what works for you.

Have you tried swaddling your baby? They can be more settled this way.

Good luck and congratulations