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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents DO have a favourite child

161 replies

KrystynaZ · 09/12/2022 12:05

… but they can't help it?

There are a lot of posts that contain reference to favoritism within families and the resentment it causes… especially at Christmastime.

I am from a family of five siblings... four of us have always suspected that the other (oldest daughter) was the favorite. I never resented this as our parents were very good to all of us. They couldn't help it if they felt more affection towards my sister. And in my mum's culture there is a sort of tradition of the "precious first daughter" — and she accordingly received all the family heirlooms.

So am I right in thinking parents always do have a favorite child—whether it's openly acknowledged or not?

OP posts:
SirMingeALot · 09/12/2022 12:06

Parents per se, no. There are billions of parents in the world so generalisations like that are never going to work. Some clearly do though.

YellowTreeHouse · 09/12/2022 12:07

YABU. No, parents don’t have favourites.

They will, however, naturally click more with the children who are more like them or what they’re into. Like with every human you meet, personality types come into play.

But that does not mean those children are the favourite or loved any more than the others.

h78 · 09/12/2022 12:07

I think most parents do and it's not something that can be controlled, it's to do with personalities. However, saying this I believe all children should be treated equally but love is rarely equally shared.

WeDontNeedToTalkAboutJamie · 09/12/2022 12:08

Some do. My brother is the golden child.

I genuinely don't. I tell my DC I dislike them equally (they are teens and well aware I'm joking)

RonObvious · 09/12/2022 12:08

Can't say in general. I don't have a favourite though. Both of my two have their strengths and weaknesses, and I enjoy spending time with them in different ways. They also wind me up in different ways. And require different methods of parenting. It's pretty hard to compare, really.

Isseywith3witchycats · 09/12/2022 12:09

i treated all my children equally, but yes if i had to say i have a favourite its my daughter as the other two are boys, so she was different to bring up and we are closer but i love my oldest son because hes the oldest and my other son because hes the youngest madam is the middle one

Funkyslippers · 09/12/2022 12:11

I don't have a favourite but my dad definitely favoured me over my brother because we were very close and my brother and him weren't. My mum even said to him infront of me "it's quite clear that Funky is your favourite" and my dad said "yes, you're right, she is!"

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 09/12/2022 12:12

Of all the parents I know with 2 or more children, I don't know a set who DON'T have a blatant favourite.

Puppers · 09/12/2022 12:13

Hand on heart, I love (and like) all of my children equally. As does DH. It's not inevitable that parents will always have a favourite. Some certainly do though. I think it's usually more about the kind of person the parent is, not the child.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 09/12/2022 12:14

I have three under five. It’s whoever is pissing me off the least on any given day.

More seriously - yes, I can see how people have favourites and how it comes about. I think acknowledging it (to oneself) and aiming for parity of treatment is the best approach.

Fairislefandango · 09/12/2022 12:15

I don't have a favourite. There are things in each of my dc's characters which I find easier/harder to deal with than in the other child and it balances out. They are both funny, intelligent and good company. I don't feel closer to one than to the other, and find that the fact that one is a girl and one a boy makes literally no difference to that. I don't think my parents had a favourite either.

xogossipgirlxo · 09/12/2022 12:15

Not everyone, but yes, some definitely.

Loachworks · 09/12/2022 12:16

DD is definitely his mum's favourite, a true golden child. It's spoken about openly. Even now in his fifties he receives double at Christmas and Birthdays. I feel for his sisters. My parents were far less obvious but I could pick DM and Dad's.

We have three DC and given a Sophie's Choice I couldn't. They're very different people but wonderful human beings. I asked my eldest and he said if there was a favourite he couldn't tell, although he did say he was the best, obviously.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 09/12/2022 12:16

I have more in common with DD, but in no way do I favour her over DS. I can't even imagine favouring one over the other, I think that's so sad! The only way I can see that happening is if one of them treats me badly when they are adults. For instance, I know I'm the favourite, but only because I have a good relationship with my parents, and my sister is an abusive drunk. She physically and mentally abuses my parents! They love her, but they don't like her as a person. However they help her out a lot financially, whereas I'm self sufficient, so I guess on the outside it would appear they favour her more.

Stressedmum2017 · 09/12/2022 12:17

I don't have a favourite child but I do have an easier child. The result of that may look to outsiders and to the children in fact that that child is my favourite. But no, I genuinely love them all the same.

CuordiMela765 · 09/12/2022 12:18

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 09/12/2022 12:12

Of all the parents I know with 2 or more children, I don't know a set who DON'T have a blatant favourite.

Same here!

To give them the benefit of the doubt though, I think it is sometimes the child who causes the least problems who is the favourite, so they actually spend more time with the one with whom they are sorting out problems ifyswim.

Theluckoftheirish · 09/12/2022 12:18

I can’t answer for every parent out there but I don’t personally have a favourite.
My 3 DCs have very different personalities. I do find it easier to talk openly with my eldest and middle. I find it harder to speak openly to my 3rd because he is more sensitive and less open. I’m hoping that’ll change a little as he gets older.

I love certain things about each of them and certain things irritate me about each of them. Just as I’m sure I irate them at times too 🤔

PopTartsAreLife · 09/12/2022 12:19

I don't have a favourite, both mine are equally annoying in different ways Grin

Stressedmum2017 · 09/12/2022 12:20

In fact the kids will literally say at times 'you do love x more because you never tell x off like you do us!'
That's just because I don't have to...

Tintackedsea · 09/12/2022 12:20

I don't have a favourite. I probably worry more about my eldest though. She's the most highly strung and sensitive.

My siblings would say I was the favourite whereas I think my sister is my dad's and my brother is my mum's.

Every one has different relationships with their family.

dampthursday · 09/12/2022 12:20

I imagine that plenty of parents with 3+ children have a favourite. It’s very hard to like anything (people, pets, objects) exactly the same.

I would hope that those with only 2 children manage to keep it very quiet if they have a favourite. As they also then essentially have a least favourite…

Smearywindowsagain · 09/12/2022 12:21

Whenever I’m alone with either of mine, I feel like they’re my favourite. I don’t think long term I’ll ever have a favourite. I guess some people might though. I’ve seen it look like that in other families definitely.

Lampzade · 09/12/2022 12:21

Puppers · 09/12/2022 12:13

Hand on heart, I love (and like) all of my children equally. As does DH. It's not inevitable that parents will always have a favourite. Some certainly do though. I think it's usually more about the kind of person the parent is, not the child.

Me too
I honestly don’t have a favourite.
My dcs are all very different and I like different things about them
In fact, my dcs have told me that they know that I don’t have a favourite child

IAmIngrid · 09/12/2022 12:21

Mine quite clearly do, they pay most of my sister's bills despite her earning around 40 grand more a year than me and they also clean her house/maintain her garden. They rarely see me and just compare me to her when they do.

As Monica said about her parents and her brother Ross on Friends, "I think they must have had some sort of ceremony before I was born."

Wombatbum · 09/12/2022 12:22

I don’t have a favourite - middle one is the easiest though 😂

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