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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents DO have a favourite child

161 replies

KrystynaZ · 09/12/2022 12:05

… but they can't help it?

There are a lot of posts that contain reference to favoritism within families and the resentment it causes… especially at Christmastime.

I am from a family of five siblings... four of us have always suspected that the other (oldest daughter) was the favorite. I never resented this as our parents were very good to all of us. They couldn't help it if they felt more affection towards my sister. And in my mum's culture there is a sort of tradition of the "precious first daughter" — and she accordingly received all the family heirlooms.

So am I right in thinking parents always do have a favorite child—whether it's openly acknowledged or not?

OP posts:
dancingqueen123 · 09/12/2022 12:51

Ylvamoon · 09/12/2022 12:41

I love my 2 equally- why wouldn't I?
They are my babies, they depend on me for their survival.

But on a day to day basis my "favourite" is usually the one that anoys me the least!
Luckily for them, that can change hourly as they are definitely in sync for naughty / nice!

Oh yes!

nicky2512 · 09/12/2022 12:53

My two know that the dog is my favourite child and they are joint second!!

Sceptre86 · 09/12/2022 13:00

Some do, most I would say don't. It makes sense that as they grow and become adults you might have more in common with one child and you might spend more time with them as a result. For me, my 3 are little, I'm protective of the eldest, she was born tiny and has issues with her gross motor and fine skills, second child is my only son and third child is a very clingy, wonderful baby who spends a heck of a lot of time with me (older two went to nursery whilst I went to work but baby goes to her dad). They may well all argue they are the favourite. I don't love any child more than the other but they all have different needs and I hope I meet them all.

My dad loves us all equally and there is a running joke in our family that I'm his favourite. He doesn't deny that as his firstborn there is something special about me, we get on as people though not just because I'm his dd. My mum says she loves us all equally but she has a soft spot for her only son and whilst she is there for all of us often puts my sister who has a longterm health condition first as she needs her more. For instance she looks after her baby 3 days a week, wakes in the night with him and generally allows them to live with her rent free. She always says being fair doesn't always mean things are equal. It can be jarring at times but she's trying to do her best and so I leave her to it.

NKFell · 09/12/2022 13:01

I have 4, I'm not keen on any of them 😂

JazbayGrapes · 09/12/2022 13:07

My favourites take turns by age. I like them best between 4 and 10. Because after then they just no longer want to hang out with me...

Squashpocket · 09/12/2022 13:07

The absolute truth is that I do not have a favourite child and the one a like the most changes every day/hour depending on who is being the biggest pain in the arse. This is the absolute truth.

However my eldest dc's personality is such that anything less that him being the priority child at all times is perceived as me favouring his brother. Equality to him is oppression.

DC2 is jealous of the things his elder brother can do and he's not allowed, which is just an age thing. He would probably say that DC1 is the favourite on that basis.

I don't think I can win. With two boys close in age the sibling rivalry is hard to overcome.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/12/2022 13:09

My brother is convinced that Im the favourite and I am convinced it's him.

I'm closer with my parents and see/spend time with them all the time. But he can get away with anything. And when he does give them any attention they lap it up. I'm a known constant whereas he is the prodigal son.

pointythings · 09/12/2022 13:09

My two are very different but no, no favourites. I share different things with each of them because they have different interests. They've had different troubles at different times in their lives. They're adults now and I still love both of them equally.

My late H did have a favourite in the sense that he was least abusive to the eldest before I threw him out.

Boooooot · 09/12/2022 13:11

My baby is my favourite currently as he doesn’t answer me back or bore me to death with Minecraft stories. Could all change!

On a more serious note, my husband is his parents least favourite and it has definitely effected him.

CloudPop · 09/12/2022 13:11

I don't. But I suspect my daughter thinks her brother is the favourite. She's wrong, but I think she thinks it, largely because he tends to take up more airtime

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 09/12/2022 13:11

I definitely have a favourite child, but the I've only got the one.

I think that parents do have a favourite child, but for most parents that doesn't affect how much they love each other.

My Dad and my brother get along a lot better with each other than I do with either of them. They've got a lot more in common, both love their music and sport, whereas I'm not that bothered about either. I don't think for a second that my Dad loves me any less than my brother though

BellePeppa · 09/12/2022 13:12

Obviously there are parents that do but I have never felt more favourably to one over the other. I say to them I dislike them both equally 😁

TenoringBehind · 09/12/2022 13:15

Mine changes on a daily basis.

Franticbutterfly · 09/12/2022 13:17

I love them all the same, but get on better with the youngest who has always wanted to be more involved with me than the other two. She will sit with me, wants to come places with me etc etc ergo we are a bit closer.

rhowton · 09/12/2022 13:17

My favourite changes daily. However, my eldest daughter is very easy going, happy go lucky, and is a pleasure to be around. My youngest daughter is hard work, very stubborn and far more emotional. I am more like my youngest in personality so we battle.

Dogsinthecradle · 09/12/2022 13:23

in my family there’s me (f) my brother and twins (m)
the older twin is the favourite and my parents didn’t/don’t hide it at all
im the bottom of the pile (and nc)
the golden child gets everything he wants with a click of his fingers-my parents are so scared of losing him
it’s sad in a way that my other brothers have to fight for the ‘top dog’ position underneath him
the pile can fall at anytime-they all know it-but still fight to be on the same level as the golden child

they fail at all times-nobody comes close to the gc

winteriscoming2022 · 09/12/2022 13:26

I'm not sure about loving one more than the other but in my family of origin my DF found one child ( boy) more difficult to get along with and DM adored that particular boy. DM found me quite prickly until adulthood and we now get on really well whereas DF always got on with me well
With my own children I can say I love them equally but have always found one of their personalities easier to get along with than the other.
It makes sense that children are individuals, not clones, so parents are bound to enjoy their company in different ways

upfucked · 09/12/2022 13:30

I don’t.
My parents don’t and they are extremely careful to treat us equally when it comes to money.
DH’a parents very definitely do.

Luellie · 09/12/2022 13:33

My mum always tells me she loves us equally no matter what. But yes there will always be one who she's getting on with better at that time, and who the 'favourite' is changes often.

That makes sense to me. I'm pregnant with my second, so we'll see if I still believe her after I have two myself 🤣

MotherOfDragon20 · 09/12/2022 13:35

I was my parents favourite I think they tried to be equal and neither would admit it but I reckon everyone knew because it was pretty obvious. I hated it and felt a lot of guilt about it, I certainly didn’t enjoy being the favourite. I’m currently pregnant with number two and hope that I don’t have a favourite although I’m not sure it’s something you have much control over!

Sunnytwobridges · 09/12/2022 13:37

My sister was my DMs favorite. It was pretty obvious growing up. It was very sad for me.

My ex was the favorite in his family and his youngest dd was his favorite out of his 3 children.

also a good friend of mine her DMs favorite is her brother.

i know a lot of parents that have favorites.

Fortheloveofall · 09/12/2022 13:38

I think we all have favourites some parents more than others. Sometimes that can change day to day. I see it with my own family. DH’s nieces in particular - one of our nieces is massively favoured by her mum.

Im not saying who my favourite is or if I have one 😜.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/12/2022 13:39

I definitely have a favourite. Luckily for everyone, he’s also my only child!

Same here - but I do sometimes remind him that it's always open to re-consideration if he's being cheeky Grin

mintdaisy · 09/12/2022 13:40

I definitely don't. I find my ds an easier child to parent - he's laid back, kind, thoughtful, fairly placid whereas dd is impulsive, argumentative, emotional but I definitely don't prefer him.

Username6194 · 09/12/2022 13:40

I love my children equally. No favourites at all.

I also have 4 sibling. I have never thought I was more or less favourable than the others.