MIL keeps saying she won’t love her grandchild as much as her own children

[pinkwatermelon]

I’m currently 18 weeks pregnant with what will be both sides’ first grandchild (not that I think this is particularly relevant). Both sets of parents seem excited (to varying degrees, my parents have been more vocal about it) however my MIL keeps saying that she won’t love her grandchild as much as she loves her sons. AIBU to think this is really weird? She has mentioned it a couple of times now. In general we have a good relationship but she is prone to saying odd things.

I do feel quite hurt by this, not because I expect her to love the baby more than or the same as her own children (who are all adults in their thirties) as it is a completely different relationship, but I don’t understand why she feels the need to say this out loud to me? I don’t know if she is trying to set expectations and it’s her way of saying that she doesn’t want the same sort of relationship/doesn’t wish to be relied upon for childcare further down the line? We have never mentioned or asked either sets of parents about being available for childcare in the future and would never expect this from either set of parents anyway. This is the only reason I can think of as to why she keeps saying what she says. I do feel quite upset and confused about it but don’t know if I’m being particularly sensitive though so please do say if so.

I'm getting on a bit and I'm aware that it's hard to see my children as their actual ages, it's like there's a split screen in my head, I know they are late 30's but somehow they are also perpetually under 10, I try to explain this to them and I'm not an overbearing over protective type( ...or so I think😬)
I dont know if other people get the split screen thing? (or have I outed myself as hard of thinking in some way😬😕)

is she just a bit thick ?

There is no direct comparison so what she says is nonsensical

For the record, becoming a grandparent took my breath away, I was not expecting the depth of love I feel. But it is not the same.

@Soothsayer1
I completely understand the split screen thing so so true.
I am a proud gran to my son and fiancé's little boy and I absolutely adore him.

@Thedogscollar 🙏🙏

The great thing about love is that it isn’t finite. You can love all the different people (and animals) in your life in different, special, unique ways. I’ve never felt the need to sit back and quantify whether I love my husband or my dog or my parents or my siblings or my nieces and nephews more. And I never understand threads which quibble over all these different kinds of love and which is better or most important. There’s no need. You have as much love to give as you want.

@saraclara you sound like a lovely self reflective person. Unfortunately my experience of women of my mother in law's age is much akin to the description laid out by @Soothsayer1. I'm trying to think of all the women of that generation that I know and am really struggling to think of one who isn't some kind of controlling, above reproach, closed to the opinions of others, defensive and/or resentful of having to accept the opinions of their adult children. For a long time I wondered if it was a generational thing, of some kind of common experience they all went through at a certain time frame, or some kind of consequence of a certain type of parenting from the era. I am really sorry if that comes across as ageist: I do accept that ive had bad luck and not everyone id like that.

For a long time I wondered if it was a generational thing
As I get older I increasingly do feel that we are products of our upbringings
“Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” (of course I would prefer a more modern phrasing of this!)
And let's not forget the Philip Larkin poem! I could write war and peace about my parents and grandparents but at the same time I don't think they could help it 🤷

YANBU.

Not something my MIL or my mum would ever say.

I think I'd have to cheerfully say "well im sure they wont love you as much as their dad either but hopefully you'll all still get along!"

I couldn’t think how to phrase what I wanted to say but ‘Iwantmy…’ has done it for me; thank you!

Gosh I'd stand in front of a bus, train, on the edge of a cliff for any of them. I love them all.

I would think it’s perfectly natural to not love your grandkids on the same ‘lie down and die for them’ level as your own. They’re not your children, after all.

But it seems very odd to feel it necessary to verbalise this.

Zombie but I would say to MIL 'That's ok, they just won't love you as much as they love my mum then.'

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