Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for my money back?

250 replies

CanStopWillStop · 08/12/2022 08:48

I lent my sister’s partner £500 for an engagement ring so it would go undetected (joint bank account) which he said he’d pay back after he popped the question.

that was a month ago and he hasn’t mentioned repayment once since they’ve been engaged. Truthfully, I’m not desperate for the money and i know Christmas is around the corner and things are tight for them. However I would like it back soon and was hoping he would be more proactive in trying to repay me.

I was happy to help but I feel I didn’t set clear enough boundaries as I was excited for my sister and I also assumed he would want to pay me back as soon as possible, and that assumption was wrong. I know if I owed someone a large amount of money I would at least want to explain when/how I will pay that person back.

AIBU asking for the money back? And how do I go about asking for it back without making this awkward? Or should I wait until after Christmas?

OP posts:
99problemsandaballisone · 08/12/2022 22:11

Tell him you're going to tell your sister.

MuggleMe · 08/12/2022 22:21

I'd be saying I didn't anticipate loaning you for longer than it took for you to pop the question, certainly not over Xmas. Please bring full £500 at the weekend.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/12/2022 22:34

Sorry to ask but does he stand to gain from being married? I.e. yours sisters deposit, house in your sister name only at the moment??

I won't lie - the same question had occurred to me, but I didn't want to ask it until it became clearer whether he'd make an excuse or not

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/12/2022 22:44

There’s a possibility that the £500 has gone from the joint account but he’s used it for something else?
I would give him a hard deadline.

CuriousMama · 09/12/2022 00:11

Can't say I'm surprised. Thicker hide than a rhino.

Tigofigo · 09/12/2022 00:29

Sounds like he doesn't have the money.

Wondering why he felt the need to propose NOW... When he clearly can't afford it.

Could there be another reason?

hippityhopbebop · 09/12/2022 06:25

I always send money by bank transfer - everyone banks online and it's so easy. No one wants that amount of cash and then he has to go to the effort of withdrawing it, getting it to you and you going to the bank to pay it in. Unless it's because he wants to hide the trail of sending money from his bank to yours.

TrixJax · 09/12/2022 09:05

hippityhopbebop · 09/12/2022 06:25

I always send money by bank transfer - everyone banks online and it's so easy. No one wants that amount of cash and then he has to go to the effort of withdrawing it, getting it to you and you going to the bank to pay it in. Unless it's because he wants to hide the trail of sending money from his bank to yours.

The OP says it's a joint account and he wants it to go undetected to surprise her. That's why he couldn't pay in the first place so presumably why he also can't do bank transfer

burnoutbabe · 09/12/2022 09:11

Well the sister will be surprised, i imagine thrilled to discover she funded half of her own engagement ring.

One assumes he is withdrawing cash to hide this fact for ever.

Very sneaky really.

MandyMotherOfBrian · 09/12/2022 09:20

MuggleMe · 08/12/2022 22:21

I'd be saying I didn't anticipate loaning you for longer than it took for you to pop the question, certainly not over Xmas. Please bring full £500 at the weekend.

I think you need to message this now OP. But as others have said tell him he can transfer it to your bank as you don’t want that much cash lying around. Otherwise he’s able to put it off indefinitely until he has ‘time’ to come round. Or tell him you’ll be there Saturday morning for the full 500.

pinkyredrose · 09/12/2022 09:43

He's broken the terms of your lending him the money, you should ask for it all back.

Who has the receipt for the ring, please don't say he has it?

Knors · 09/12/2022 10:09

Wow! I said it from the very beginning.

He never had money to buy the ring to begin with. Why he felt pressured to buy something he can't afford is beyond me.

It was never about not wanting to take the money out of the "joint account".

There was never any money.

healthadvice123 · 09/12/2022 10:10

So why not just text back and say , please transfer it instead then as I have something else I need to pay.
Your sister is going to find out now anyway, plus if alll their finances are joint she will know he had to borrow the money for the ring from somewhere , which will need paying back.

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2022 10:14

burnoutbabe · 09/12/2022 09:11

Well the sister will be surprised, i imagine thrilled to discover she funded half of her own engagement ring.

One assumes he is withdrawing cash to hide this fact for ever.

Very sneaky really.

She hasn’t though
OP funded the whole thing

magma32 · 09/12/2022 13:05

OP I really hope you assert yourself and ask for the money back. I know you don’t want to make things awkward but that’s all on him and he’s taking advantage of you. I worry he’s also taking advantage of your sister too. It’s important you speak to her or someone as he doesn’t sound like the person you think he is, it seems like he’s charmed everyone to think he’s so lovely etc but this behaviour tells me the opposite

uncomfortablydumb53 · 09/12/2022 20:05

Don't worry about upsetting him
He doesn't seem bothered about you.
Tell him to transfer the money now( too bad if it's from his joint account)
Tell your sister too.. She needs to know what he's really like

margueritebutterfly · 10/12/2022 09:48

Oh dear.... I do hope we get an update! My imagination is working overtime....

I wondered if he wanted to propose to OP's sister because they are having issues and maybe OP's sister gave him an ultimatum. Maybe OP's sister has been upset that he hasn't gotten any other type of work (besides landscaping) to bring in some money?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/12/2022 09:58

Weekend is here, I hope you get at least some of your money OP.

ZekeZeke · 10/12/2022 20:59

Weekend is here OP.
Any sign of him & the money?

SmudgeButt · 10/12/2022 21:03

Put a note in a Christmas card to him. No not really. But it would be fun to see him squirm.

Bristoluser · 10/12/2022 23:18

So what happened?

nalabae · 11/12/2022 04:58

Why is the Aibu
you’re asking for your money back. Clearly not

whynotwhatknot · 11/12/2022 22:08

Did he turn up op?

ZekeZeke · 12/12/2022 07:41

Weekend is over. We need an update.

OhmygodDont · 12/12/2022 07:45

Bet he didn’t turn up. You really need to tell your sister.

Swipe left for the next trending thread