to ask for my money back?

[CanStopWillStop]

I lent my sister’s partner £500 for an engagement ring so it would go undetected (joint bank account) which he said he’d pay back after he popped the question.

that was a month ago and he hasn’t mentioned repayment once since they’ve been engaged. Truthfully, I’m not desperate for the money and i know Christmas is around the corner and things are tight for them. However I would like it back soon and was hoping he would be more proactive in trying to repay me.

I was happy to help but I feel I didn’t set clear enough boundaries as I was excited for my sister and I also assumed he would want to pay me back as soon as possible, and that assumption was wrong. I know if I owed someone a large amount of money I would at least want to explain when/how I will pay that person back.

AIBU asking for the money back? And how do I go about asking for it back without making this awkward? Or should I wait until after Christmas?

He's counting on you being too embarrassed to ask for it back ..

Text him now, OP.

I dont mean forget when it's pointed out to him, I mean slipped his mind for now with everything else that was going on! Maybe, maybe not. People do forget things, people's lives can sometimes be bogged down with other things. Or he might just be being a CF.

Send him a message right now "Hi X, can you transfer the £500 back to me? Thanks"

Wave the money good bye. The kind of guy who borrows money for an engagement ring will never pay it back. Please do let your sister know, she deserves better.
I am not a fan of engagement rings but this reeks of CF.

Exactly, plus if she is wearing the ring he’s got a constant reminder!!

Yeah exactly, he wanted it to be a surprise so I paid so she wouldn’t notice a big chunk of money gone. But she’s got the ring now, so I was expecting a message/call to say “hey SIL thanks a million here’s your money back”

“Hi future BIL, here are my bank details to transfer the £500, can’t wait to hear how the proposal goes!”

Ok I’m going to message him. Thanks for the pep talk everyone :)

I can almost bet you £500 that he will come up with a poor me excuse. Its Christmas, need to wait until he gets paid.....

Good! keep us posted if you don't mind please :)

Fgs just text him this...

Hi, so glad it worked out with me buying the engagement ring. Just wondered if you could transfer the £500 back as I need it. Can you let me know, thanks x

Everyone thinks so badly of this guy that we know nothing about. Saying it's a 'red flag' and he's a 'cheeky fucker' etc.

OP knows this guy and I'm sure she wouldn't have paid for the ring if she thought the guy was a bit dodgy.

I can easily see how it's slipped his mind. I have a list of things I need to do that are very important but I just haven't gotten round to doing. I've forgotten to pay friends back before or failed to transfer money by a certain date. I always try to rectify as soon as I'm reminded/remember (often with a little 'I'm sorry' gift).

He took OP shopping to pay for the ring so his partner didn't notice the money was missing. It's not like he couldn't afford it or didn't want to pay for it. He is aware that it's his now fiance's sister too so fiance will find out if he doesn't pay it back.

I also assumed he would want to pay me back as soon as possible

In my experience, there are 2 types of people in the world: those who would immediately feel the need to pay a debt and those who stay quiet and hope you'll be too embarrassed to ask - and if you do ask they'll make it as hard as possible for you to get your money back.

Just send a breezy text asking when he is planning to pay you back as you needed the cash for Christmas. You could suggest he pays back a certain amount each month I'd your comfortable with that, and never lend to him again

This^^
I tend to steer away from the 2nd type of people once they've shown their true colours.

I cant sleep right if I owe someone 5 quid, never mind 500!

This! I’ll be honest, I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve lent someone money (im from a family who typically just goes without rather than borrow) but everytime they’ve proactively given the money back.

Ive never had to chase money from someone before, and certainly not this amount, so it’s a very uncomfortable feeling.

Just tell him. It is utterly daft to be embarassed about it.
Give him a deadline - maybe Sunday evening - and then you'll tell your sister. And do it.

Stop assuming, hoping, whatever. Yes he should have paid it back straightaway but he hasn't so you need to ask. "Can you pay me back that £500 today please. You were supposed to pay me back last month and I need it".

I just don't get why people are so nervous about asking for their own money back from CFs who are completely taking the piss. I hope he's not going to behave so unscrupulously with your sister.

I agree with this, but sadly this is what most of replies look like on Mumsnet they just slate people immediately rather than thinking there could be a reason. I totally get OP feeling uncomfortable about it, I would too. I hate it when people put me in a position when I have to ask for my money back. But it doesn't immediately make him a bad person without knowing the reason why he hasn't sorted it yet.

OP you need to ask him. It's only literally 1 minute of embarrassment.

If he has forgotten then he will be glad
If he is trying hoping you will feel awkward or forget about it then he is a CF and you can't let him get away with it

Also if it's the latter then your sister really does need to know, can you imagine planning a life with someone who tried to keep money from their family.

You say they are struggling but if so it was pretty daft to pay £500 on a ring, people can get engaged with a very cheap ring and replace at some point in the future

It's much more embarrassing to ask for £500 (let alone not mention repayment) than it is for you to ask for the loan to be repaid

But surely she's going to find out anyway, if they have a joint bank account?
I know if my DH transferred £500 to my DSis from our account, I would ask him why. If he said it was so he could get the ring without ruining the surprise, the conversation would have gone like this, "Oh, that's really sweet of you both to do that for me. I'll message her now to say thanks, from me, for her part in all this. Glad that she now has her money back."

He hasn't forgotten.
He should never have bought a ring he couldn't afford!

One of the happiest marriages I knew of was parents of a friend...He proposed with a simple brass ring, he was that poor initially!

I lent someone a similar amount, @CanStopWillStop and only got half of it back.. it's not good.

One thing I've learned is that if someone owes you money the shame is on them, not you. A quick text saying "I need the £500 back I lent you please by close of play tomorrow." You have something in writing then, if he replies, that this was a loan.

I don't necessarily think he is a bad person not to have paid yet. I do think he is completely wrong to just ignore the matter altogether and not address it with the OP even if to say "I am a bit tight until payday, is it ok if I pay you then" or "thanks so much for the loan, will get it back to you at the end of the month", something just to acknowledge the situation rather than leaving the OP hanging.