DH resistant about giving me money back.

[Prettypissedoff88]

name changed for this.

We live in Europe. my UK bank is closing my accounts so have had to move money across to Europe. Have done it in batches to get best rates. Have a bit left to go. DH has a uk account which is not yet closing. He has property in UK and we are in process of buying a house together in Europe.
DH has some stuff to pay for on UK property but not the money to pay for it in UK account right now. I immediately offered to transfer him that money between UK accounts to we didn’t lose money on international transfer from Europe to UK. It’s a decent amount. Did it tonight and asked him to transfer the euro equivalent from his EU account to my EU account so we were all square. His reply was ‘happy to but shouldn’t we keep it all in my account so when we apply for mortgage the account the mortgage comes out of looks healthier?’
to tell the truth I was furious. I didn’t hesitate to help him out, I never do. Our mortgage broker told us YESTERDAY that the balance of the account doesn’t matter because of our historical bank statements and other savings and pending house sale. I feel like every time I ask him to transfer any money into our joint savings (eg: end of month acc surplus) he resists. And now this. We have a joint current account which he mainly contributes to and i spend from because I am a SAHM for the moment, by choice, agreement and circumstance. I have inheritance and pre marital savings and I have happily contributed to the family from that when it’s been necessary. I never say no because I like to contribute fairly to our lives.

AIBU to be royally pissed that he hasn’t immediately transferred the amount my EU account? It’s not going to make a difference to our mortgage application and it will get spent on the same things eventually…. Buts it’s my bloody money and I want it in one of my accounts.

You utter plank.
I am not!

Learn to read why don’t you.

Not transferring the money immediately back does not mean he has stolen it!
He asked a question about considering whether the money needed to be kept in one place. Perfectly reasonable. Also perfectly reasonable to double check with the mortgage broker (and tbh they don't always get these things right anyway, and OP's situation sounds quite complex).

If he'd had it for weeks and was refusing to transfer it, OP might have a point. But, he's had it for less than 24 hours while he checks some stuff, and they are a family where money is (sort of) shared.
Unless OP thinks he's about to leave her tomorrow, OP has hit a high level of pissed offness quite quickly.

I think you might be slightly overreacting OP. He hasn’t refused....it was just a text. I’d have replied “Haha, nice try....send it back”.
i think you might be getting carried away with the talk on here about divorce, splitting assets etc....especially as you’re not splitting and he’s not stingy or grasping. It’s all hypothetical.

Indeed. It’s all hypothetical and people are saying she needs to protect herself.

From what exactly?

And just a general question, how long is it ok for OP not to work and expect to be supported for because she’s had his kids?

Two more years!
Five more years?
15 more years?

Last general question not to you magicstar

But all money isn’t shared, because he has a house to himself. Try and be consistent. And if you don’t want to be seen as a poor menz poster, maybe try not referring to women as females, not suggesting an imaginary man would have it so much worse, and not completely disregarding the work involved in raising children.

What was it you said to me? Oh yeah…

Such rhetoric, such wit 🥱

Oh behave 🙄

@Quincythequince I have an apartment fully paid for from before I met my partner. The money put into it was my entire savings + a very generous sum gifted to me by my parents.

If I married my partner tomorrow do you reckon he's instantly entitled to half its worth? Shall I put him on the title? Better yet, shall I sell it and put all proceeds in a joint account so that the poor man doesn't feel left out or disadvantaged?

Many reasons. I hate having a joint account

It's now a legal requirement post brexit if you live outside of the UK

I've never joined finances with my husband. No joint account or anything. Your way, doesn't work for everyone. Id feel tricked if I was the OP.

Stick to your guns OP.

Good grief - yes, well done ‘all the money is family money’ brigade. That’s what works for you, have a bun. Congratulations all the Revolut crowd. It’s fantastic that you done need to worry about exchange rates. The set up that the OP and her DH has is the one they have chosen and that up until now has worked for them. Now her DH has shifted the status quo to one that favours him and the OP wants some advice on how best to get her money back pronto. OP, phone him and get him to transfer it. If he won’t then you have bigger problems.

Ok, language police. Women ARE females.
I’m sorry you don’t like basic definitions which differentiate between the sexes!

Yet again, read my post.

Half his house is essentially hers…. that’s really rather the point I’m making.

You love drawing up false dichotomies sont you.

How is your hypothetical situation of asset sharing one day after marriage. remotely comparable to this. It’s not at all.

And No, instantly tomorrow, I don’t think he would be entitled to it if you were to live our your scenario.

But what I think, and what he can legally achieve would be two different things.

Arguably once a family has grown over time, pre-martial assets become very much of the pot.

Are people on here saying there is no capacity to marry for money if that was your goal? (Not that that’s what the OP is doing!).

It’s been happening for a very long time, still does.

And many people don’t, it’s fair enough, and I have no qualms about that at all.

But if this is the position one takes, and it is reasonable to do so, the remaining financially independent is a key part of that.

He should give it back and you should make a huge fuss to ensure he does. He has effectively transferred your assets to his sole ownership and control. If he refuses to return it, see a lawyer. It's not on, and an enormous trust issue.

All women are females, but not a females are women.

Female can mean female cat. Female pig. Female cow.

It's dehumanizing to call us females when there is a perfectly appropriate word for a HUMAN who happens to be female.

But if you don't mind sounding like a misogynistic basement dweller incel, you continue to do you...

This happened last night. 12 hours ago.

The OP asked for it back right away, after she had transferred it.

Not before!

I can’t believe the level of anger ahe ans some other posters are feeling about this tbh.

12 hours. And he didn’t say no, he just made another suggestion!

The heightened response to this is madness.

Well clearly it’s a not a bloody cat or a pig posting is it!

Female in this case referring to women.

That much is obvious.

Always some NPC looking to be offended by perfectly normal language.

And yes, all females ARE women.

Which is exactly why I used that word.

Waiting for the inevitable stone well script of ‘trans women are women now’

😂

Out of curiosity, what word do you think that is.

The one that refers to adult human females?

I'm curious. Does it not occur to you that the situation of moving countries feels a bit better if you have a pot of money just you have access too. Especially if you have kids and for that to suddenly be withheld without warning can make a woman feel a smite vulnerable? A decent bloke would not want his wife to feel vulnerable.

If it really doesn't matter where the money is held then why not just transfer it? She wants it back, he's said no. That would make you feel a bit weird, I don't care who you are.

Oh, so the Oxford dictionary has got it wrong. Oops, you should let them know ASAP.

The word for an adult female human is WOMAN.

He hasn’t said no.
He hasn’t withheld anything, she transferred it to him willingly.

This happened 12 hours ago.

I wouldn’t be worried about this if it were my DH. To be worried so soon (minutes after she transferred it) signifies bigger problems tbh; so why offer the money then?!