DH resistant about giving me money back.

[Prettypissedoff88]

name changed for this.

We live in Europe. my UK bank is closing my accounts so have had to move money across to Europe. Have done it in batches to get best rates. Have a bit left to go. DH has a uk account which is not yet closing. He has property in UK and we are in process of buying a house together in Europe.
DH has some stuff to pay for on UK property but not the money to pay for it in UK account right now. I immediately offered to transfer him that money between UK accounts to we didn’t lose money on international transfer from Europe to UK. It’s a decent amount. Did it tonight and asked him to transfer the euro equivalent from his EU account to my EU account so we were all square. His reply was ‘happy to but shouldn’t we keep it all in my account so when we apply for mortgage the account the mortgage comes out of looks healthier?’
to tell the truth I was furious. I didn’t hesitate to help him out, I never do. Our mortgage broker told us YESTERDAY that the balance of the account doesn’t matter because of our historical bank statements and other savings and pending house sale. I feel like every time I ask him to transfer any money into our joint savings (eg: end of month acc surplus) he resists. And now this. We have a joint current account which he mainly contributes to and i spend from because I am a SAHM for the moment, by choice, agreement and circumstance. I have inheritance and pre marital savings and I have happily contributed to the family from that when it’s been necessary. I never say no because I like to contribute fairly to our lives.

AIBU to be royally pissed that he hasn’t immediately transferred the amount my EU account? It’s not going to make a difference to our mortgage application and it will get spent on the same things eventually…. Buts it’s my bloody money and I want it in one of my accounts.

And he’s sitting on a house in his name only.

honestly I don’t know what your problem is but you seem really angry at the OP having sacrificed her career to support her DH. And you don’t know what hyperbole means - so maybe just stop?

I dont think you are UR at all!!

My DH would never dream of keeping money from me. We do keep our money separate, always have and when I lend him it we agree when he will give it back.

I would just remind your DH what the broker said, and ask for it back

It doesn’t matter what she says!

Division of assets upon divorce wouldn’t work like this.

She has benefitted already by being married to him, in terms of financial gain.

People say on here all the time to make sure you get married as you are more protected. not saying that’s why she did that of course.

But this isn’t wrong in the case of the OP.

I despair of the ‘weak little woman’ stance on here.

And no, it’s not a sacrifice, it was a Choice. By agreement.

I guess you think she should just be a good little wife grateful for any scraps he throws her

Yes, because I’ve clearly said that haven’t I.

It doesn’t matter who’s name it’s in. They are married!

And yes, I do know what hyperbole means. Do you?

How are joint marital choices, made upon agreement, a sacrifice?!

They’re not. It’s being used an emotional bargaining chip which has no place in a healthy relationship at all.

quincythequince are you a family/ divorce solicitor by trade? Because i work with senior level legal bods and have never heard that 50:50 split of premarital assets/ funds was a given. When i divorced my exh didn't get any part of my house

Tell him no thanks, I want to stick to what we agreed. Transfer it over please.

YANBU. I would be very bothered by this. It was agreed beforehand - he should transfer the money

Do you have children?
And did he ask for 50%?

And I have very recently been present for my DFs divorce, step by step.

All assets are counted in the financial declaration. All of them.

This ‘pre-martial’ asset larks means nothing if someone wanted to get what they were entitled to.

British divorce courts are some of the fairest in the world too - hence the number of high profile courts conducted in the UK (initiated by the female usually).

Boundaries. It starts with this then he will push a little more and a little more. You keep your boundaries firm, politely demand HRH moves the money. You are working ft as a Sahm so do not feel bad about asking for your own money

She hasn’t sacrificed anything. She’s not working at the moment, whilst young kids are around.

How is it not a sacrifice to give up the chance to earn, build up a pension pot, make progress in her career?

Because she chose to be a mother.
They chose to have a family!

It’s not a bloody sacrifice to change your life to raise the kids you brought into this world by choice is it.

They don’t live in Britain so your point is just nonsense

You don’t have to live in Britain to get a divorce here!
So, your post is just nonsense!

What rubbish. I lived for five years outside the UK and outside the EU when we were part of it. My bank knew very well and had no problem with us maintaining UK bank accounts. Sounds like your bank just didn’t want to continue providing an account, but they certainly could have.

This sounds like a trust issue. I really felt vulnerable when I became a SAHM and told DH that and he moved all our savings into accounts only I can access. He knows its just a security blanket for me. I wouldn’t worry about when DH transferred money or get upset if he suggested an alternative because I trust him and vice versa. I would just say “nah I want it back in my account” and that would be the end of that.

I don’t think your unreasonable about wanting extra money swept up into joint accounts. We do that and the money goes straight into premium bonds (after a quick chat about whether we are both happy with that)

It just sounds like either you don’t trust him or being a SAHM has made you feel very exposed. What actually happened is not a big deal from an outsiders perspective but theres a reason it feels that way to you.

I agree it’s a trust issue.

if it’s only just happened why such a rush to have it back unless you don’t trust him?

yet your first thing to do was post on here.

I get that you want it back but the rush is what makes me feel you don’t fully trust him.

Can’t believe what I’m reading here. OP, you are right to ask for that money back and to ring fence it. Especially if your OH likes power play and wants to decide where your inheritance is best kept. He’s a CF.

My partner and I happen to share everything but our circumstances are totally different to yours and we’re equal on earnings front. This is money that came to you before you married and he obviously has different ideas about how it should be saved and spent. I’d personally want to have a little fuck it fund if he sprung this on me.

There’s nothing wrong with looking after yourself. Especially if you have different ideas about money.

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/world-news/uk-banks-closing-expat-accounts-24642518.amp

my bank chose to close my account and because I’ve lived outside of the UK for quite a bit longer than you, I couldn’t open a new bank account with another bank. It’s not rubbish. It’s a thing. And honestly this is neither here nor there, even if I hadnt had to close my account it still would have saved us money in transfer fees and conversion rates and time to do it this way.

By that rationale every choice is a sacrifice of some type.
Every person working part time is sacrificing the option to have a full time salary
Choosing to live in a bigger house rather than a smaller house is sacrificing dispsable income.

Or do people just make choices that have pros and cons?
Surely DH is equally sacrificing the chance to spend more time with his children and not to work?

Put the wine down love and stop being ridiculous

Legally it's not 50-50 on premarital assets. You are talking out your are.

"Any non-matrimonial property, inherited assets and other assets which were already owned by one party prior to the marriage are called pre-marital assets and are treated as distinct to joint finances for purposes of divorce; as such they will often not be counted as part of the matrimonial pot and may instead be retained in full by the relevant party."

@Teeturtle this is a knock on effect from Brexit. Not applicable before. And it’s taken a while for it to be implemented. Which is why it’s only just happening now. It’s happening to all the expats I know who are fully resident in the EU.

To my knowledge, WhatTheHell's post is perfectly correct. If either partner filed for divorce in their current country of residence, British courts would not have jurisdiction and British law wouldn't apply.

Have you got it back yet OP?