Husband said no to surgery

[Tinselandfairydust]

I want my blepharoplasty doing in a few years and husband has point blank said no.

My face my decision or is his right to tell me I cant?

So unhappy with my tired eyes

Blepharoplasty is not just a vanity/cosmetic procedure. If your eyelids are impairing your range of vision, it is a medically necessary procedure.

Divorce him and use the divorce money to fund it.

I had this done on the NHS but only on one of my eyes as it was so hooded it impaired my vision. Was like this since I was a child. Depends how hooded your eyes are OP and how much it affects your vision/self-esteem. I can understand him being reserved depending on finances but an outright no seems harsh.

If your drooping lids affects your peripheral vision it is possible to be referred to NHS .
I am being referred !

Why wouldn't your husband want you to look much younger and want you to boost your confidence? I had this procedure done about 12 years ago and once it had healed I felt and looked fabulous.

I can't stop clicking this thread now, I'm so excited for mine.

Depends how much you have in savings and income. A browse of the internet suggests it will set you back £5k (depending on exactly what you want doing and where you do it). If you have £10k in savings and a household income of £30k a year, I guess he would be right to consider if this was a good use of half your joint savings. If you have £50k in the bank and have £70k a year in joint income then he is being an unreasonable cheapskate. The “if you spend that then I’ll spend a similar amount on stuff I want” argument is so childish, he deserves a good slap. Obviously this issue is affecting your self-esteem and as such I would have thought any decent husband would try to find a way to get this done.

How many extra purchases has he made over the years and claimed, "I made more, so I deserve it" or something similar?

Yes he is right. He should be able to spend the same amount on himself with no questions asked. That is a good solution.

And this is why an entirely joint pot is lunacy.

In your opinion.
You can't say it won't improve others self esteem. Of course it does!

I had upper and lower done in Turkey 4yrs ago and don't regret it.
It was done my Dr Baris Yigit in Fethiye. He's on Instagram if you want to look at his page. If you can afford it then it should be your choice

Blepharoplasty is minimum risk as it’s just a local anaesthetic surgery, with a downtime of 1-3 days and healing of around 3 months fully, you’re looking at 3-6k private in the Uk and 1-3k abroad, Poland has particularly excellent surgeons in this field.

min my opinion it’s your face and your money, BUT, would you be happy if for instance your husband spent 6k, worst case scenario, on a golf buggy or a motorcycle? Something he thinks will improve his life? Because I think that’s the only way to swing it in your brain, and his.
I can recommend a clinic in Poland as I have a few dental contacts that work from there and the clinic and their resident surgeons are literally THE BEST.

I had a blepharoplasty op done under local anaesthetic at a Clinic in Manchester. It’s really cheap getting it done under local anaesthetic (<2K).
I traveled up there from London by train and stayed in a cheap hotel overnight then had the procedure and back on the train again with sunglasses straight afterwards. You can get it done under local in London and other places. I’m a real wimp but I managed it, I would have other treatments under local now as it’s not so bad, and I am pleased I had it done. unfortunately your appearance is important as you are judged by it.

surely if its in a few years time then you just both agree to save up the same amount of money for both of you to spend on whatever you want at time.

It’s such a minor surgery. I had a local anaesthetic plus a light sedative but was awake for most of the time and conversed with the surgeon and anaesthetist — it’s quite a hum drum tedious procedure. I had medical reasons for it but was happy at how more alert I looked as my eyes had always looked half closed. I wouldn’t say it makes one look more attractive in the way that most cosmetic procedures are supposed to do.
I believe a large number of patients are businessmen hoping to look less chronically tired and more dynamic.
Iope you find a way to convince your DH, OP.

Do it - I did - very easy day surgery on local anaesthetic. No regrets.

He sounds nasty and selfish. What does he mean 'no'. Did he discuss it with you at all. Sounds like he's just interested in the money. Big bully. Sorry, that's how I feel. Regarding one account. I worked in a bank and we had separate accounts. No arguments about money there. Good luck.

Sorry I havent been on or replied..busy working and lovely mummy duties and also not so great confrontations with the husband.
I have agreed at the moment not to speak of it as to be quite honest cant deal with the arguments.
I am a mummy, do nothing much for myself have not much of a social life, due to choices and also finances when we were first bringing up the children and the house we chose to buy.
I have realised massively how choices impact your life down the line and have unfortunately lost many people as a self admitted hermit and suffering anxiety.

I graft so hard and have for years on the house and have earned wherever possible and always been stringent and budgeted to do what I need for my family
I have had 3 surgeries all necessary and I feel now life has taken a toll.

I dont want to look in my 20s and understand I will age but I really do feel this will give me more confidence and stop me from feeling so tired.

For all the people getting this done I really hope it is everything you expected and improves your wellbeing greatly.

I am 37 by the way. I really appreciate the responses it has put so much in to perspective without you probably even realising Xxx

I expect your husband is concerned in case anything goes wrong during or after surgery. If it's your money you will be spending, fair enough and I daresay it won't take all of your windfall.

Do please make sure you choose a reputable, experienced surgeon. Good luck.

I think some of these replies are spectacularly unfair. This isn't a new car the OP wants for herself or an expensive holiday it is something that is important to her quality of life. He should support her as she would support him if he was concerned about something to do with his health/appearance.

We have always kept separate accounts, we have a joint account that bills money is paid into, I then work out what's left over when all bills are paid and divide it 50/50 so we have the same amount of 'pocket money'. I don't always see the sense in some of the stuff he buys but it's his choice. Equally, he might baulk at the price of something I want to get but wouldn't object! If you have a chance to go for separating your money, I'd do it. Call his bluff. It really sounds like economic abuse to me.

Oh, and I would add you're an adult capable of making your own decisions, not a child who needs their parent's permission!

Have a look at carboxy therapy OP. It's less invasive than surgery and much cheaper although not permanent. My friend's Mum just had it done and looks fantastic!

@Tinselandfairydust · 07/12/2022 18:50

He earns much more than me I work around the kids and his hours

Ugh, now it's made me really rage! You contribute just as much as he does due to taking the lion's share of raising your (his) children.

Seriously, this would be a show stopper for me. Do you want your children to grow up thinking this kind of abuse, and it is abuse, is okay?