Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have to look after her sick child?

341 replies

Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 18:08

My friend asked if I could pick her child up from nursery as she’s working a long shift. I agreed. Got to the nursery today and they told me her mum dropped her off saying she is sick, so if they need to call they can call her. They tried calling all day and no answer from her even though I’ve spoken to her today.

Shes now at my house, very chesty, she’s been sick, she’s falling asleep and says her tummy hurts. I have a younger child and we have just gotten over a horrible week of illness. Mum doesn’t finish work until 9 tonight despite my texts to say she needs to pick her up as she’s not well she apparently can’t leave 😡

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 07/12/2022 20:20

Also we have terrible childcare provision compared to other countries

well what child care provisions do other countries have that would accommodate a sick child? ( til 9pm)

Angrywife · 07/12/2022 20:21

Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 19:21

I wouldn’t call social services or anything like that. She doesn’t have any family around her and she’s alone with her kids, I understand the pressure she’s under. If I didn’t have kids I would probably be more lax. However if my child gets this, then I have to take days off work and it’s not fair

Alone with her kids?
Where are the others?
She can leave. If you said you were on your way to hospital with her daughter, she'd leave.

Dunnoburt · 07/12/2022 20:26

I would be absolutely fuming. Poor you and poor kid without mummy cuddles when sick.... fingers crossed you don't all catch it.... how selfish of her xx

1dontunderstand · 07/12/2022 20:27

It’s horrible having to work when you have a sick child. When did your friend ask you to have her child? Was it before today so she didn’t realise the child would be sick?

I am very surprised the nursery kept a sick child all day. If they couldn’t get hold of mum, why didn’t they contact the emergency back up?

I wouldn’t be happy to be in your situation.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/12/2022 20:29

Who else does she use for childcare for later shifts?

ScotlandEuropa · 07/12/2022 20:31

Jesus. She’s hardly away on a bender is she?

No mum would rather be working than with their sick child. Can only assume the situation is desperate.

LadyEloise1 · 07/12/2022 20:34

Iamnotthe1 · 07/12/2022 18:38

She has deliberately lied to the nursery, telling them to call despite knowing she was going to ignore the phone.
She has deliberately deceived you, knowing that you'd take her sick child, deal with her, and she could make excuses as to why she can't come pick her up.

She isn't a friend. A friend would have been honest and allowed you to make the decision to help her. She is a user and has shown a lack of care and respect for you.

This.
Absolutely this.

Very foolish of her. You'll never do her a favour again.
What if it was Strep A she brought into your home ?
And her poor wee sick child.

Zone2NorthLondon · 07/12/2022 20:34

Hello,is that social services?
yes, duty SW
ok,I want to report a poorly child who is safe,observed, has her physical,social,emotional needs met,and is not at risk. Her mum at work and I’m looking after the child with mum consent in a safe and familiar environment
uhhh huh….

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 07/12/2022 20:36

That is all awful OP, as PP have said.
Is her job very precarious? so much that if she had to take time off for a sick child she would lose her job? I'm not excusing her behaviour in any way, just trying to understand why exactly she would treat her child, you and your children so badly....

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 07/12/2022 20:38

No mum would rather be working than with their sick child.

Much as I wish the 'no mum would rather XYZ' were true, we obviously know from news stories that some mums don't care about their children in the slightest. Same with dads. Sadly.

MeridianB · 07/12/2022 20:39

She’s behaved appallingly by ignoring the nursery calls and exposing OP’s family to another round of sickness. And her child sounds properly unwell. 😥

No one would blame OP for not helping her again after this dishonesty. No idea what nursery policy would be but I can imagine some would give notice.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 07/12/2022 20:40

I get the mum might be desperate but if she’s been up front and honest then she wouldn’t be getting the responses on here, we’ll the op wouldn’t have needed to post as she be forewarned. The fact she wasn’t honest and has picked up her child says so much. And what an idiot, there’s no way I’d ever help her out again, not because her child’s sick but because she’s lied

Original poster
Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 20:44

I can’t quite remember every question but her child is a bit older, I think she said she’s at a school friends. I genuinely think she doesn’t have another emergency contact as she lives away from family. She genuinely is alone. She asked last week if I could help out, as it was a late shift. I was happy to help.

Everyone is asleep right now, she’s in my child’s pyjamas and had some calpol. I’ve just cleaned everywhere and waiting for her to turn up. It’s not an ideal situation for anyone, she’s told me she had no calls all day, I really doubt that

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 07/12/2022 20:45

The mum is clearly worried about her job to the extent she’s imposing upon a friend. Must feel really desperate and her judgement is impaired as she is having to remain in work. The op @Crunchycooki is in a dreadful situation of having a poorly kid who missing her mum and worried about the potential impact upon her own children

this woman isn’t a bitch nor is she negligent she is clearly having to present for work irrespective of what’s going on. Some employers are really stern and unaccomodating.
going forward it’s probably placed a strain on the friendship and I imagine op will have misgivings regard future childcare

SoShallINever · 07/12/2022 20:45

She has put your whole family at risk of catching whatever illness her child has. I really wouldn't be happy about that.
However desperate you are, you dont take liberties with friends, esp not a friend who has volunteered to look after your child until 9pm.
It's easy to imagine that the other mother must be absolutely desperate to keep her days pay but I've seen similar behaviour from "friends" who are riding instructors and live in a mortgage free house worth several million pounds. They always sent their child to school when poorly because they couldn't afford a day off.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 07/12/2022 20:47

Sounds to be like a single mother with no family support who is desperately trying to keep her job. I bet shes worried sick but dare not leave work at the risk of being sacked.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 07/12/2022 20:48

@Sugarplumfairy65 that's my suspicion too. Awful situation.
OP what does she normally do with her kids when she works until 9pm?

Stressedmum2017 · 07/12/2022 20:51

God I've been put in this same situation more than once, honestly sounds like the same person! But in the same week they will lie to their employer that their child is so they can have the day off. Some 'mothers' are just unbelievable.

SpideyCraw · 07/12/2022 20:53

I don’t blame you for being upset OP, not only because you have to look after a sick child which is no fun, but also the risk of your family catching it.

I'm going to reserve judgment on the mother as we don’t know enough. What she has done is shit, but if her employment if precarious then her daughter’s welfare is better served by her mum keeping a job and being able to keep her warm and fed this winter.

wiggle69 · 07/12/2022 20:53

I would absolutely call social services. Her not having any family around her and being alone with the kids is MORE of a reason to call them - she clearly needs support. They are not going to remove her kids over that, but she is not coping. You cannot ignore calls from a nursery when you know your child is sick. Anyone saying 'give her a break' etc needs to give their head a wobble.

MeridianB · 07/12/2022 20:53

I meant to add she has also put the nursery children and staff at risk of catching whatever her DD has. Which is why they may take a really dim of her being uncontactable to collect.

I would always try to help a friend in this situation if they were honest. It’s the dishonesty (and ignoring calls) that make this unacceptable. Hope she arrives with you soon, OP.

jtaeapa · 07/12/2022 20:55

Is this woman a proper friend to you, or has she identified you as someone that she can use for this kind of job?

SpideyCraw · 07/12/2022 20:57

wiggle69 · 07/12/2022 20:53

I would absolutely call social services. Her not having any family around her and being alone with the kids is MORE of a reason to call them - she clearly needs support. They are not going to remove her kids over that, but she is not coping. You cannot ignore calls from a nursery when you know your child is sick. Anyone saying 'give her a break' etc needs to give their head a wobble.

what are you expecting children’s services to actually do if they’re contacted?

they won’t be remotely interested in any level. They are on their knees trying to cope with children who are actually at risk, and support those families. This is not a social services matter.

wiggle69 · 07/12/2022 20:58

SpideyCraw · 07/12/2022 20:57

what are you expecting children’s services to actually do if they’re contacted?

they won’t be remotely interested in any level. They are on their knees trying to cope with children who are actually at risk, and support those families. This is not a social services matter.

Show quote history

As a family lawyer specialising in child law I disagree.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/12/2022 20:59

She’s put your family at risk op and put you in a difficult position. I don’t care how ‘desperate’ you are, you don’t do that to a friend and expect help again.