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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have to look after her sick child?

341 replies

Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 18:08

My friend asked if I could pick her child up from nursery as she’s working a long shift. I agreed. Got to the nursery today and they told me her mum dropped her off saying she is sick, so if they need to call they can call her. They tried calling all day and no answer from her even though I’ve spoken to her today.

Shes now at my house, very chesty, she’s been sick, she’s falling asleep and says her tummy hurts. I have a younger child and we have just gotten over a horrible week of illness. Mum doesn’t finish work until 9 tonight despite my texts to say she needs to pick her up as she’s not well she apparently can’t leave 😡

OP posts:
Bex268 · 07/12/2022 19:22

Look OP you’ve been such a good good friend and I wish I had one like you!

I honestly think that like done other posters have said, this mum might be struggling. Employers can be particularly difficult 😣.

is it possible she is just desperate and feeling horrendously hopeless and trying to make ends meet?

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:22

*Shocking posts here.

Are all of you SAHMs with no job?*

😂 I wish. Busy working mum to a toddler here. With a 2 hour commute thrown in too just for extra shits and giggles.

And I still think it's neglectful to knowingly ignore your child's nursery trying to contact you. And extra shit on top of that to send a friend to collect your child without telling them they're sick.

Bigbadfish · 07/12/2022 19:23

And I do also think she's a bitch. Knowingly leaving her child who probably wants her and even more so for knowingly infecting OP and her child

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:23

I feel some of these posters just take grandma being able to drop everything or being able to pay £150 for an emergency sitter for granted.

Again..... LOL. I wish!! Zero family support here. Still think OP's friend is in the wrong here massively

justasking111 · 07/12/2022 19:25

Way to lose any chance of a friend being caught again. Nursery may have something to say as well

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:25

@Bigbadfish seriously no sympathy for this? Even if it meant maybe losing her job? Or leaving sick patients in a dangerous situation? Kids need parents who pay the bills and society needs staffed healthcare. Something has to give and in this case she’s been a bit of a rubbish friend but I can see why she did it.

You can get sitters to take sick kids if you pay a premium - if you’d ever been faced with losing your job due to a kids illness and been in a tricky situation you might know about the service. I’ve had to go straight from a night in A&E into work on no sleep leaving the baby with a sitter. Not everyone has a magic unemployed support network.

Original poster
Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 19:25

I absolutely don’t mind helping at all, I work full time and have them on a weekend sometimes, so it’s a shame that she’s done this really. Her daughter keeps asking for mummy and I feel awful.
I’ve text and said no need to call back just get here as soon as you can as she’s really not very well. I’ll talk to her when she’s here and realistically she’s not going to be here for another hour at least

OP posts:
susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:26

Her daughter keeps asking for mummy and I feel awful.

😔 that's so sad. I just couldn't not be with my baby if she was that unwell.

Guesswhosbackagain · 07/12/2022 19:27

I'm confused. Who was going to have the child if she wasn't sent home sick? Since mum finishes at 9pm?

ladycarlotta · 07/12/2022 19:28

I cannot wrap my head around her ignoring nursery's calls. I don't have much support nearby and I know how stressful and frustrating it is to lose work days over a child's illness... but if my nursery-age child was unwell there's just no way I could ignore the calls. The thought of her sad and ill at nursery is so awful, I'd want her home with me. And what if it became an emergency???? And she just never picked up the phone?

Your friend has tricked you, dicked nursery around (and they'll have been short of staff as someone will have had to be with the little one and they'll have tried to keep her separate), and really neglected her child appallingly. This has to be a low point. If it's just how she operates I don't have the words for her and I really really pity her child.

Guesswhosbackagain · 07/12/2022 19:28

Oh sorry i've misunderstood. Your were asked to look after her you just didn't know she was ill

Original poster
Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 19:28

She asked me to collect her and have her until then. I didn’t know she was sick before I got to nursery.
I was happy to have her until 9pm as I know she needed the help.

OP posts:
susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:28

Guesswhosbackagain · 07/12/2022 19:27

I'm confused. Who was going to have the child if she wasn't sent home sick? Since mum finishes at 9pm?

Such a good point

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:29

I cannot wrap my head around her ignoring nursery's calls. I don't have much support nearby and I know how stressful and frustrating it is to lose work days over a child's illness... but if my nursery-age child was unwell there's just no way I could ignore the calls. The thought of her sad and ill at nursery is so awful, I'd want her home with me.

This x a million!!!

Bigbadfish · 07/12/2022 19:32

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:25

@Bigbadfish seriously no sympathy for this? Even if it meant maybe losing her job? Or leaving sick patients in a dangerous situation? Kids need parents who pay the bills and society needs staffed healthcare. Something has to give and in this case she’s been a bit of a rubbish friend but I can see why she did it.

You can get sitters to take sick kids if you pay a premium - if you’d ever been faced with losing your job due to a kids illness and been in a tricky situation you might know about the service. I’ve had to go straight from a night in A&E into work on no sleep leaving the baby with a sitter. Not everyone has a magic unemployed support network.

Absolutly none. Because at no point has this woman asked or communicated. She's a cheeky fucker and a selfish one at that.

What if one of the nursery workers get sick and can't pay their bills?
Or the OP?

You know fuck all about me so try not to look stupid
At the end of the day we created these kids and the repondinilutu laus with us

Ilovelurchers · 07/12/2022 19:32

Of course it's not neglect - the woman's child has been looked after throughout, she didn't leave her on the street or with wolves - and I am constantly amazed at the willingness with which many people on here would allegedly report their neighbours, friends and family to the police/SS - did you all love telling the teacher on your friends when you were at school as well? Your faith in the authorities to resolve anything you are unhappy with/see as wrong is almost touching......

Having said that, TOTALLY understand why you are pissed off OP - your friend should have been more honest with you, and I hope she appreciates how lucky she is to have you, and is equally kind and helpful to you in return.

CurzonDax · 07/12/2022 19:32

Poor little mite, and I do feel sorry for the mum too. OP has said she has very little other support, and so I suspect (like PPs have already suggested) mum was desperate. However, if she continues to do things like this, she will soon lose what support she has (such as OP).

OP, well done. This has put you in a difficult position, but it sounds like you are doing the best you can.

Sancerre2 · 07/12/2022 19:34

Wear a mask and open the windows once the little one is gone. Poor child sounds like she needs to see a dr.

Stevie6 · 07/12/2022 19:34

Have I missed the part where Op states her friends job as I keep reading about her being a nurse and having patients and can't see where this came from? I read she doesn't know exactly where she works but other than that?

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:35

Of course it's not neglect -

The definition of neglect is to not give sufficient care or attention to people or things that are your responsibility.

She deliberately ignored and failed to return calls about her sick child.

That's neglectful.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2022 19:36

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:28

Such a good point

Show quote history

Mom told nursery to call her and she's come, it was not the truth

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:36

I’m not saying she hasn’t been selfish or unreasonable - I’m just saying she’s not warranted the huge strength of negative feeling expressed on here by some. If she was my pal I’d be annoyed but that’s not the same as suggesting raising safeguarding concerns about a one off bad day

Irealisenow · 07/12/2022 19:36

Have you collected her from nursery before ?

how did mum let nursery know there was a change to who was collecting ? They couldn’t get hold of her ?

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:37

It may not be neglect by social services definition because she was in someone's care. But in terms of the general definition of the word, she's been neglectful in my opinion.

Original poster
Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 19:37

Yes I’ve picked her up before and also used the password to collect

OP posts:
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