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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should have to look after her sick child?

341 replies

Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 18:08

My friend asked if I could pick her child up from nursery as she’s working a long shift. I agreed. Got to the nursery today and they told me her mum dropped her off saying she is sick, so if they need to call they can call her. They tried calling all day and no answer from her even though I’ve spoken to her today.

Shes now at my house, very chesty, she’s been sick, she’s falling asleep and says her tummy hurts. I have a younger child and we have just gotten over a horrible week of illness. Mum doesn’t finish work until 9 tonight despite my texts to say she needs to pick her up as she’s not well she apparently can’t leave 😡

OP posts:
MulderSmoulder · 07/12/2022 18:59

Poor child, all she would want is to have stayed at home and be looked after. It’s cruel to send her in while ill and now she’s stuck at your house for ages.

Some people really don’t deserve to have children.

I hope you (& nursery) have a go at her, maybe she’ll get her priorities right next time.

zen1 · 07/12/2022 19:01

Well, at least you won’t put yourself in the position of doing her a favour again. She’s really burned her bridges with her behaviour. I hope her daughter is okay and that your family doesn’t come down with it.

Coooosd · 07/12/2022 19:03

Wolfiefan · 07/12/2022 18:52

Well you will never ever agree to collect this child again will you? Maybe this sort of behaviour is one reason she lacks a support network.
Plus imagine it was an emergency and she simply didn’t answer the phone. Unacceptable.

That what I was thinking. What if the child taken a turn and the nursery called an ambulance, then the mother just ignores the calls. Absolutely shocking

Bigbadfish · 07/12/2022 19:04

Text her saying she has 15 mins to call you or you call social services and the police.
And go into deep detail over her abuse and abandonment and will also link them to the school as a safeguarding concern.

The bridge is already burned, may as well nuke it

42isthemeaning · 07/12/2022 19:07

I just cannot believe that a mother would ignore phone calls from her child's nursery.

badassbaby · 07/12/2022 19:07

Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 18:56

im home alone with them at the moment, it sounds bad but I just cringe at her touching toys, I’ve put the tv on for her and she’s lying on the sofa. She’s in and out of sleep poor mite. I don’t know if she can have calpol, what if she’s sick again?
I’m going to run a bath for my little one whilst she’s asleep and I’ve tried to antibac what I can.

As far as her mum, i’m really disappointed. She would of seen those calls from the nursery as she had text me. I’ve spoken to her and told her she was sick

Just being pedantic here but why did you accept her from the nursery?
I would have left her there, responsibility then passes back to mum...as it should.

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:07

Absolutely disgusting for her to put you in that position, I'd be so angry! The poor child, my heart is breaking for her. I agree with pp who said call her work directly and say it's urgent.

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:07

42isthemeaning · 07/12/2022 19:07

I just cannot believe that a mother would ignore phone calls from her child's nursery.

Me neither. Disgusting

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:07

Maybe the mum is just desperate and hopes it’s just a regular toddler snotty nose. It must be hard for single parents trying to juggle 100% responsibilities for the childcare and the finances… if she’s a good friend try and cut her some slack if she’s struggling. She could have handled it better though

42isthemeaning · 07/12/2022 19:08

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:07

Maybe the mum is just desperate and hopes it’s just a regular toddler snotty nose. It must be hard for single parents trying to juggle 100% responsibilities for the childcare and the finances… if she’s a good friend try and cut her some slack if she’s struggling. She could have handled it better though

Yes this could well be the case- but to ignore the calls??

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:09

Yeah that's the thing for me as well - ignoring the calls. I just couldn't imagine doing this. As a minimum I'd be having a conversation with them to ascertain what's wrong. Not just totally ignoring it ffs

user573010482911233445559002281818484 · 07/12/2022 19:10

God imagine ignoring the calls. How awful.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/12/2022 19:11

That's mad. Sounds like mum needs a second emergency contact for the school. What if there had been an accident and they had to take dd to hospital?

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:13

im sure if the daughter had ended up in hospital after an accident at nursery they would have at least left a voicemail for the mum to listen to or called her work. What she did isn’t great but it’s not worthy of calling her a bitch / neglectful / calling police / threatening with social services.

if I didn’t have a partner and an emergency babysitter to share the sick day pick ups with id have been fired from my clinical job long ago - not all just just let you walk out for a toddler with a temp.

Bigbadfish · 07/12/2022 19:15

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:13

im sure if the daughter had ended up in hospital after an accident at nursery they would have at least left a voicemail for the mum to listen to or called her work. What she did isn’t great but it’s not worthy of calling her a bitch / neglectful / calling police / threatening with social services.

if I didn’t have a partner and an emergency babysitter to share the sick day pick ups with id have been fired from my clinical job long ago - not all just just let you walk out for a toddler with a temp.

Yes it is. She has seen the numerous missed calls. She knows what it's about or she is a moron who doesn't have the Intelligence to parent.
Her lack of network is her problem and that does not excuse her neglect.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/12/2022 19:15

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:13

im sure if the daughter had ended up in hospital after an accident at nursery they would have at least left a voicemail for the mum to listen to or called her work. What she did isn’t great but it’s not worthy of calling her a bitch / neglectful / calling police / threatening with social services.

if I didn’t have a partner and an emergency babysitter to share the sick day pick ups with id have been fired from my clinical job long ago - not all just just let you walk out for a toddler with a temp.

Well yes but what's a voicemail worth if she isn't picking calls up?

susiesuelou · 07/12/2022 19:16

What she did isn’t great but it’s not worthy of calling her a bitch / neglectful

Bitch - I agree, too strong

Neglectful? Yes - I believe she is. I believe it's neglectful to deliberately ignore calls or fail to return calls to your child's care provider. Even just to have a brief conversation to establish the facts, as an a absolute minimum.

carmenitapink · 07/12/2022 19:18

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:13

im sure if the daughter had ended up in hospital after an accident at nursery they would have at least left a voicemail for the mum to listen to or called her work. What she did isn’t great but it’s not worthy of calling her a bitch / neglectful / calling police / threatening with social services.

if I didn’t have a partner and an emergency babysitter to share the sick day pick ups with id have been fired from my clinical job long ago - not all just just let you walk out for a toddler with a temp.

Shocking posts here.

Are all of you SAHMs with no job?

Childcare in the U.K. is a mess so there are few options if your child is sick.

She might be on the brink of losing her job due to repeated absence. Ridiculous that working mums are always expected to drop everything and come and pick up their kids. We would also complain if she lost her job & started to claim benefits.

If it was super serious they would have left a voicemail which she would have listened to.

Dishonesty to her friend is the only bad part, but it doesn't warrant calling social services!

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:18

I’m sure she saw the missed calls. If you see 2 you would assume viral illness - I’m assuming if there was threat to life there would be a lot more and mum would call back. I am just trying to picture a stressed nurse who is being threatened with disciplinary due to sickness absence facing not being able to pay the heating bill this month and trying to have a bit of sympathy.

carmenitapink · 07/12/2022 19:19

My post wasn't clear, but I was agreeing with @Choppies

Original poster
Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 19:19

i can’t imagine they didn’t leave a voicemail either. My nursery does when I miss a call and I call straight back. I do totally understand her position about being a single mum, not much support but it’s so selfish to do this to us all.

It didn’t even cross my mind not to get her, nursery was closing and she was one of the last ones there. I have called her and she’s text to say she will call in ten minutes, I’m really annoyed.

OP posts:
Bigbadfish · 07/12/2022 19:20

carmenitapink · 07/12/2022 19:18

Shocking posts here.

Are all of you SAHMs with no job?

Childcare in the U.K. is a mess so there are few options if your child is sick.

She might be on the brink of losing her job due to repeated absence. Ridiculous that working mums are always expected to drop everything and come and pick up their kids. We would also complain if she lost her job & started to claim benefits.

If it was super serious they would have left a voicemail which she would have listened to.

Dishonesty to her friend is the only bad part, but it doesn't warrant calling social services!

Show quote history

Welcome to being a parent. There is mot childcare if your child is sick outside of the consenting family.

I never said call them. I said send the text

But I would follow through with flagging the safe guarding issue to the school.

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:20

@carmenitapink thanks!

I feel some of these posters just take grandma being able to drop everything or being able to pay £150 for an emergency sitter for granted.

at least if social services were called for this it would give them a huge laugh

Bigbadfish · 07/12/2022 19:21

Choppies · 07/12/2022 19:20

@carmenitapink thanks!

I feel some of these posters just take grandma being able to drop everything or being able to pay £150 for an emergency sitter for granted.

at least if social services were called for this it would give them a huge laugh

Again sitter Is not an option. When your child is sick you go. End of argument.

Original poster
Crunchycooki · 07/12/2022 19:21

I wouldn’t call social services or anything like that. She doesn’t have any family around her and she’s alone with her kids, I understand the pressure she’s under. If I didn’t have kids I would probably be more lax. However if my child gets this, then I have to take days off work and it’s not fair

OP posts: