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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something to the mum

172 replies

Pinchelada · 07/12/2022 09:58

I have a 7 month old baby and when I go to school to drop off or pick up my other kids, a child in my 7 year old's class makes a beeline for the baby. This child ('Molly') loves babies, it's clear, but I'm getting irritated by her constantly touching the baby's hands and face.

For the record, I am all for baby's being exposed to a normal, healthy amount of environmental germs in order to build their immunity. My baby has older siblings who certainly don't handle her while wearing white gloves, but I do ask them not to touch her face if they have just come inside. We always wash our hands as soon as we come home as part of our family routine as I was raised doing this. My mum was a nurse and this is just what we did.

OK, back to the story. Molly always comes over to see the baby, and her mum comes over to say hi too. Molly starts putting her finger in my baby's hand, strokes her face, squeezes her cheeks etc. Every. Single. Time.

I always say 'please don't touch her face/please don't touch her hands/you can tickle her feet instead/not the face thank you' etc etc. The mum always does a feeble 'oh yes Molly, don't touch the baby's face' when I ask her not to but its not enforced and Molly continues while the mum ignores what's she's doing.

Molly gets public transport to school, often using the underground and will go straight for my baby having just arrived at school. Molly knows full well that I don't want her to touch my baby's face and does it anyway, knowing that her mum doesn't enforce it and I am getting sick of telling her this every time I see her. If my own child kept ignoring my instructions like this I would be annoyed and am started to get really peeved about this. I have kept calm so far but have got to the point of wondering if maybe I'm the problem here? I feel like I'm going to snap at the child.

I think it's natural for kids to want to touch a baby's hands/face but literally every other parent I know insists that their child doesn't do this, just as I do with anyone's baby.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HTruffle · 07/12/2022 09:59

I would do, or just walk away.

Kolakalia · 07/12/2022 10:02

I'd just bypass the mum seeing as she's clearly ineffectual and actively stop Molly from doing it. You can do it with a smile, but when she goes for her face just put your hand there as a barrier or to move her arm away and say 'please don't touch her face' 'I've asked you to stop' or literally push the pram away and move elsewhere. The mum will no doubt be shocked and think you're incredibly rude but honestly she's dim and doesn't care so the onus is on you to stop this from happening. Preventing unwanted touch is absolutely fair to do.

Original poster
Pinchelada · 07/12/2022 10:03

Kolakalia · 07/12/2022 10:02

I'd just bypass the mum seeing as she's clearly ineffectual and actively stop Molly from doing it. You can do it with a smile, but when she goes for her face just put your hand there as a barrier or to move her arm away and say 'please don't touch her face' 'I've asked you to stop' or literally push the pram away and move elsewhere. The mum will no doubt be shocked and think you're incredibly rude but honestly she's dim and doesn't care so the onus is on you to stop this from happening. Preventing unwanted touch is absolutely fair to do.

Do you think it would be incredibly rude if I did that? I'm seriously doubting myself.

OP posts:
Sprouttreesareamazing · 07/12/2022 10:05

Sling? Carry your baby? Put the raincover over if she is in the pram.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 07/12/2022 10:06

Yeah I'm kind of getting germophobe vibes from you. Sorry!

Look, I think we should all realise that not exposing small children to possible germ sources is what is fueling some unexpected spikes in illness right now so actually, it's probably worse not to allow her to touch the babies face. As long as she's not sticking a finger in babies mouth I can't see what the issue is with a touch of the face?

SupposeItDoesnt · 07/12/2022 10:06

Put baby in a sling where molly can’t reach, or just say very firmly NO! Stay away from her if you won’t stop touching her face

TidyDancer · 07/12/2022 10:07

Sprouttreesareamazing · 07/12/2022 10:05

Sling? Carry your baby? Put the raincover over if she is in the pram.

One of these would be the best plan. You need a distraction technique because I do think you risk coming off as rude otherwise.

EstellaHanclay · 07/12/2022 10:08

Put the rain cover over the pram. Then when Molly asks why you have a rain cover on, you can say “well it’s to stop you touching her face dear. I’ve said a few times and I don’t think you’ve remembered.”

Hankunamatata · 07/12/2022 10:08

I'd gently take both childs hands, go down to her level and say 'molly please don't touch her face'

RudsyFarmer · 07/12/2022 10:09

I hated this so much when my youngest was tiny and I really wanted the mother of the children pawing at him to pull them away. I think in the end I turned the car seat towards me or picked it up in such a way that the baby wasn’t accessible. It was obvious I was unhappy but no parent did a thing.

hedgehoglurker · 07/12/2022 10:10

Yes raincover. When Molly asks why, you can tell her that it's because of her.

SalviaOfficinalis · 07/12/2022 10:10

Yes you can move Molly’s hands / shield your baby’s face from her if she doesn’t listen to the request.

Why should your baby have to put up with being prodded by an older child just because they’re little.

If Molly’s mum thinks you’re rude, maybe she and Molly will avoid you 😁

Original poster
Pinchelada · 07/12/2022 10:13

I know I'm giving off germphobic vibes and I'm honestly not a clean freak. Maybe it's just a protective instinct.

Fwiw, my husband is super easy going about everything and anytime he has had to pick up or drop the kids he complains to me about Molly pawing all over the baby and how she ignores him too. My husband is definitely not a germphobe!!!

Raincover is a good idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinchelada · 07/12/2022 10:21

ReformedWaywardTeen · 07/12/2022 10:06

Yeah I'm kind of getting germophobe vibes from you. Sorry!

Look, I think we should all realise that not exposing small children to possible germ sources is what is fueling some unexpected spikes in illness right now so actually, it's probably worse not to allow her to touch the babies face. As long as she's not sticking a finger in babies mouth I can't see what the issue is with a touch of the face?

I think there are enough germs in our clean-enough home and my baby gets sicker more often than my other 2 did, which I assume is from her siblings bringing their germs home (which I'm fine with). In my mind, there is a sliding scale of exposure and I want to be in control of that. I hope that makes sense.

OP posts:
drspouse · 07/12/2022 10:26

Put your baby in a sling, inward facing. Very hard to get to the baby's face then.

Brightstarowl · 07/12/2022 10:38

I'd hate this!

She's been at school all day where threadworms are rife and then starts pawing at your baby!

Just start avoiding them like the plague if possible.

fUNNYfACE36 · 07/12/2022 10:42

You are ridiculous if not already, your baby eill down be mobile and putting God knows what in their mouth

Stroopwaffle5000 · 07/12/2022 10:50

I wouldn't like it but what would piss me off even more is the fact that she's deliberately ignoring you when you say don't touch her face! That would give me the rage - internally of course. I'm not in the habit of raging at small children 🤣

Original poster
Pinchelada · 07/12/2022 10:56

Stroopwaffle5000 · 07/12/2022 10:50

I wouldn't like it but what would piss me off even more is the fact that she's deliberately ignoring you when you say don't touch her face! That would give me the rage - internally of course. I'm not in the habit of raging at small children 🤣

Maybe that's what is annoying me the most. She almost side-eyes me as she does it, fully hearing me but doing it anyway.

OP posts:
Tropicalsunshine · 07/12/2022 11:01

Molly isn't being taught proper boundaries. It's your job to enforce them around your child until they can do it for themselves. This way you teach them how to politely say no and mean it. Who wants someone touching their face? Stand up for your child.

ittakes2 · 07/12/2022 11:05

I have ocd and I don’t think you are giving off ocd vibes - ocd would be not letting her touch the baby at all! I think even touching her hands is too much as she will suck on them. With everyone worried about hep A at the moment it’s common sense to not have a child whose been on the tube passing germs to a baby.

DrManhattan · 07/12/2022 11:09

Avoid and if you can't don't be afraid of saying something. Because nothing happens when she does it she will keep on doing it. Why do her feelings matter more than yours? So what if its rude. She's made the situation weird by not listening to you.

Orchidflower1 · 07/12/2022 11:12

Regardless of whether you care about germs or not. A child is touching your baby when you have asked them nicely not to. This is not ok.

Why should you have to use a sling/ rain cover if you don’t want/need to.

It would be a consistent and firm “ no thank you Molly, I’ve said before and so has your mum. You can touch baby’s feet but not her face” I would say this whilst blocking the pram with my arm. Your DH needs to say the same.

Firm but polite is the way to go. Molly needs to learn that your baby is not old enough to say no. You are keeping her body safe just as Molly should say no to anyone touching her body.

Hope you get it sorted@Pinchelada

stickydoughnuts · 07/12/2022 11:16

crazy responses on here. Why on earth should you have to use a sling or a rain cover? molly needs to stop being such a little brat and her mother needs to do something! And yes she will be crawling etc but it’s not the same as a child stroking her every day despite being told not to. You’ve said no, it’s no! I would either get very very loud with molly or directly appeal to the mother “please tell her to stop.”

use strep A concern as an excuse. This would drive me nuts. People always touch my baby at pick up but when I say no they stop.

stickydoughnuts · 07/12/2022 11:17

Orchidflower1 · 07/12/2022 11:12

Regardless of whether you care about germs or not. A child is touching your baby when you have asked them nicely not to. This is not ok.

Why should you have to use a sling/ rain cover if you don’t want/need to.

It would be a consistent and firm “ no thank you Molly, I’ve said before and so has your mum. You can touch baby’s feet but not her face” I would say this whilst blocking the pram with my arm. Your DH needs to say the same.

Firm but polite is the way to go. Molly needs to learn that your baby is not old enough to say no. You are keeping her body safe just as Molly should say no to anyone touching her body.

Hope you get it sorted@Pinchelada

this is better worded than what I said

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