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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something to the mum

172 replies

Pinchelada · 07/12/2022 09:58

I have a 7 month old baby and when I go to school to drop off or pick up my other kids, a child in my 7 year old's class makes a beeline for the baby. This child ('Molly') loves babies, it's clear, but I'm getting irritated by her constantly touching the baby's hands and face.

For the record, I am all for baby's being exposed to a normal, healthy amount of environmental germs in order to build their immunity. My baby has older siblings who certainly don't handle her while wearing white gloves, but I do ask them not to touch her face if they have just come inside. We always wash our hands as soon as we come home as part of our family routine as I was raised doing this. My mum was a nurse and this is just what we did.

OK, back to the story. Molly always comes over to see the baby, and her mum comes over to say hi too. Molly starts putting her finger in my baby's hand, strokes her face, squeezes her cheeks etc. Every. Single. Time.

I always say 'please don't touch her face/please don't touch her hands/you can tickle her feet instead/not the face thank you' etc etc. The mum always does a feeble 'oh yes Molly, don't touch the baby's face' when I ask her not to but its not enforced and Molly continues while the mum ignores what's she's doing.

Molly gets public transport to school, often using the underground and will go straight for my baby having just arrived at school. Molly knows full well that I don't want her to touch my baby's face and does it anyway, knowing that her mum doesn't enforce it and I am getting sick of telling her this every time I see her. If my own child kept ignoring my instructions like this I would be annoyed and am started to get really peeved about this. I have kept calm so far but have got to the point of wondering if maybe I'm the problem here? I feel like I'm going to snap at the child.

I think it's natural for kids to want to touch a baby's hands/face but literally every other parent I know insists that their child doesn't do this, just as I do with anyone's baby.

AIBU?

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 07/12/2022 14:24

Just block her before she lays on a hand on your baby "No Molly, there's a nasty bug around and I've asked you repeatedly not to touch her hands and face" and to the mother "Can you stop Molly doing things she is asked not to do"

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 07/12/2022 14:26

The ones that think YABU think it's fine for her to touch the baby. But it's not what you want, and I agree with you - you have told her not to, her mother isn't listening, and Molly must learn to look but not touch. Take control. Move the baby so she can't reach, or take hold of Molly's hand and firmly move it out of the way. You are the mum. Make a barrier to Molly touching the baby. You can do it with a smile, but don't worry about being rude, because they aren't worried about being rude to you, are they? It's important they both get the message.

takealettermsjones · 07/12/2022 14:30

There might be some people who have voted YABU in the sense of 'YABU to have not just told Molly off'?

Footballmyarse · 07/12/2022 14:55

My dd had a school friend like this. Always touching the baby and getting in right her face. Would not listen to me when I asked her to stop, and her mother would just stand there smiling and going “awww”. When I asked her mum to tell her to stop, I just got “but it’s so cute!” Even the baby hated it and would squirm away.

When baby dd was 10 months old, she bit her. Really hard on the cheek.

She never touched her again.

So no advice, but your baby might take it into their own hands as mine did.

EmmaLouu · 07/12/2022 14:55

YANBU

The kid needs to keep her hands to herself or sod off… she’s been told more than once. ‘No.’ And walk away. You’re not being rude.

Addicted2Sugar · 07/12/2022 15:01

As a mother of older kids, now double digits I regret being so enable to other parents and kids and not taking control more often. My eldest was tiny and every bugger picked her up and I was so gentle in asking them to put her down. If I had my time again I wouldn't be so polite.
As for the you're coming across as a germophobe, so bloody what if you are. Your baby, your life choices.
More precious to you should be how your baby is treated not how the 7 year old or parent think of you.

BMW6 · 07/12/2022 15:08

I'd say to Molly as she approaches - remember, NO TOUCHING.

Then if she goes to touch I'd block her hand and let rip at her AND her mother.

Then I'd not let her near you again. Turn your back on her.

TarasHarp55 · 07/12/2022 15:20

Just put your hand in front of baby's face every single time with the words "not the face please". If the mother's insulted, tough.

RandomPerson42 · 07/12/2022 15:26

Molly needs to learn boundaries - but if you want to avoid causing offence then raincover. Maybe start poking Molly’s face and squeezing her cheeks?

GooglyEyeballs · 07/12/2022 15:30

It's your baby OP so it's your rules, and it doesn't really matter if people think you're being a germaphobe. I'd give her two warnings and then next time firmly but nicely say 'okay that's enough now, leave the baby alone she doesn't like her face being touched' and move the baby away from the child and if she keeps trying just keep repeating 'no that's enough now let her settle'. I wouldn't like someone repeatedly touching my face, the baby can't consent to it so the parent has to. You have to get the confidence to enforce your own rules.

inthedeepshade · 07/12/2022 15:34

amusedbush · 07/12/2022 13:36

I can't believe some people are telling you to use a rain cover or sling, basically advising you to inconvenience yourself lest you look rude. The horror!

I think it's far more rude to 1) keep touching a baby when you've been asked on multiple occasions not to, and 2) stand there like a fart on a windy day while your child repeatedly goes against someone else's wishes.

Personally, I vote for the "Fuck off, Molly" option Grin

It's not about looking rude, it's about making sure that little Molly can't physically reach the baby. Why waste time trying to establish and enforce boundaries with someone else's kid when you can just make it impossible for her to touch the baby?

Ellie1015 · 07/12/2022 15:34

Yanbu. Continue telling Molly to stop before she even touches him. I would also be trying to avoid Molly and her mum or get away from them asap making it obvious why too.

MardyHa · 07/12/2022 15:48

I wouldn’t be doing all of that long ‘remember Molly, we’ve spoken about this before, please, thank you’ stuff, you’ve said it all before and it’s diluting the message that she’s not listening to. Just ‘no touching.’

Also - as much as I wouldn’t compare children to dogs normally… it’s the equivalent of saying ‘sit’ 20 times when the dog isn’t listening, it means nothing by then as Molly is effectively being taught that people saying ‘no’ just means ‘carry on’ so I would physically stop her as well, wheel the pram to the side as you say it. New regime!

Coyoacan · 07/12/2022 15:57

I understand how annoying it must be that neither the child nor her mother respect your wishes, but soon your baby will be crawling and somehow even the cleanest floors are dirty. That is what that age of baby is designed for

GaggleOfSwans · 07/12/2022 16:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

phoenixrosehere · 07/12/2022 16:02

YANBU.

Maybe start touching Molly’s face before she touches your baby’s. Be interesting to see if mum finally does something then..

CoffeePleaseNotDecaff · 07/12/2022 16:07

Just tell her off. It's your baby and Mollies not listening to you. How cares if you come across as rude?

Calphurnia88 · 07/12/2022 16:13

I wouldn't want to be prodded and poked by a random 7 year old, so I certainly wouldn't subject my baby to it. That doesn't make me a germaphobe.

As others have said, Molly needs to learn about boundaries.

5128gap · 07/12/2022 16:14

Yes you need to speak to her mum. Simply and firmly 'I don't like anyone touching the baby's face, so can you please stop Molly from doing it.'
Then if this doesn't happen 'We're going to move away now because Molly keeps touching the baby's face'
Sometimes it's not possible to get the outcome you want and avoid people thinking you're over cautious or being offended, so you have to chose which matters most.
Parenting throws up many situations where what you want for your child conflicts with other people's behaviour. If it matters enough you just need to develop a thick skin and be assertive.

Benjispruce4 · 07/12/2022 16:17

Put mittens on baby, sling or rain cover.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 07/12/2022 16:18

Kolakalia · 07/12/2022 10:02

I'd just bypass the mum seeing as she's clearly ineffectual and actively stop Molly from doing it. You can do it with a smile, but when she goes for her face just put your hand there as a barrier or to move her arm away and say 'please don't touch her face' 'I've asked you to stop' or literally push the pram away and move elsewhere. The mum will no doubt be shocked and think you're incredibly rude but honestly she's dim and doesn't care so the onus is on you to stop this from happening. Preventing unwanted touch is absolutely fair to do.

This.

Protecting your child is not "rude" or impolite.

miltonj · 07/12/2022 16:41

my babies face has been mauled and pawed at by every local kid, I think it's lovely and no harm done (as long as you're baby is not particularly vulnerable).

However it bothers you, and that's fine. The other mum is very rude. Bypass her and tell Molly off. You're allowed to tell other people's kids off, especially if it involves your kids!

PollyPut · 07/12/2022 17:39

@Pinchelada just tell Molly very clearly that she is not allowed to touch the baby's skin. Molly has to learn to listen to instructions

thinkfast · 07/12/2022 17:54

In a very firm voice

Molly I've asked you not to touch the baby a lot of times now. I don't want to have to ask you ever again.

Mollys Mum. Please don't let Molly touch the baby ever again. I've had to ask her numerous times. We are going to really fall out over this.

Nevermind31 · 07/12/2022 19:05

No one would want to be touched with unwashed underground hands - nothing germaphobe about it.
I’d either put a rain over on, or tell Molly she cannot touch your baby at all, since she is not listening.
most schools have a rule about keeping hands and feet to yourself, ask your child what this is called.
then say… Molly, remember Red Rule? You must not touch the baby, and if you keep doing that we will not be able to stand with you anymore.