To say something to the mum

[Pinchelada]

I have a 7 month old baby and when I go to school to drop off or pick up my other kids, a child in my 7 year old's class makes a beeline for the baby. This child ('Molly') loves babies, it's clear, but I'm getting irritated by her constantly touching the baby's hands and face.

For the record, I am all for baby's being exposed to a normal, healthy amount of environmental germs in order to build their immunity. My baby has older siblings who certainly don't handle her while wearing white gloves, but I do ask them not to touch her face if they have just come inside. We always wash our hands as soon as we come home as part of our family routine as I was raised doing this. My mum was a nurse and this is just what we did.

OK, back to the story. Molly always comes over to see the baby, and her mum comes over to say hi too. Molly starts putting her finger in my baby's hand, strokes her face, squeezes her cheeks etc. Every. Single. Time.

I always say 'please don't touch her face/please don't touch her hands/you can tickle her feet instead/not the face thank you' etc etc. The mum always does a feeble 'oh yes Molly, don't touch the baby's face' when I ask her not to but its not enforced and Molly continues while the mum ignores what's she's doing.

Molly gets public transport to school, often using the underground and will go straight for my baby having just arrived at school. Molly knows full well that I don't want her to touch my baby's face and does it anyway, knowing that her mum doesn't enforce it and I am getting sick of telling her this every time I see her. If my own child kept ignoring my instructions like this I would be annoyed and am started to get really peeved about this. I have kept calm so far but have got to the point of wondering if maybe I'm the problem here? I feel like I'm going to snap at the child.

I think it's natural for kids to want to touch a baby's hands/face but literally every other parent I know insists that their child doesn't do this, just as I do with anyone's baby.

AIBU?

I’d just put a stop to her touching the baby all together. “No, Molly, you continue to touch the baby’s face when I’ve asked you not to so from now on you can’t touch her at all”. Stand in front of the baby and block Molly. Mollys mum sound like a halfwit.

Unfortunately Bronchiolitis is a real concern for this babies age group and the health advice is to actively avoid that exact kind of contact at this time of year. So it’s completely unreasonable to say ‘it’s probably worse not to allow her to touch the babies face’

At the end of the day this is you’re child and you shouldn’t have to put up with something your not comfortable with. I have a 6 year old and if she was told to not do that she wouldn’t it’s bizarre she’s ignoring you but also that the mum isn’t being firmer.
Just try again and be firm but in a soft tone and say “I don’t like people touching her face she’s so small and I wouldn’t want her to get poorly her brothers and sisters don’t do it”. Once last firm shot. If all else fails, I agree with the rain Mack and moving away from them.

I had this exact scenario OP when my twins were babies and I did school runs with my eldest. Aside from the germs aspect, they were also waking up my happily napping babies!
I used to put one of those sun covers over their pushchair (the dark material with very tiny perforated holes for ventilation) so they were left alone.
Said child even tried to lift up the cover which was met with me by "don't wake them up please sweetheart" and it completely stopped it in a day.

So much this!!

I might also say something under my breath to Molly like “touch the baby again and you get a smacked bum”. I’d never actually touch another child (I don’t even smack my own) but the shock of it might be enough.

How awful. There’s no need to hurt the child’s feelings in such a cruel manner. Nasty words like that would break a little girl’s heart, how bloody cruel! I’d go mad if somebody spoke to my child like that! Even though my she wouldn’t behave in the way this child is currently.

Quite. My friend's baby was recently hospitalised with RSV and had to be fed through a tube.

I'm not saying we shouldn't ever leave the house, but there's a range between that and allowing someone's unwashed hands to go in and around your baby's mouth.

Threatening physical harm on someone else's child in an intimidating manner?

I don't think you've thought this one through... 😳

I've got a baby the same age, and a very similar child in middle sons class. She kept touching babys face. Ive told her no numerous times. Well she did it a couple weeks and stuck her fingers in baby's mouth. Baby bit her with her 2 little razor teeth. I couldn't stop laughing, the mum was annoyed with me!!! I shouldn't of laughed but karma. 😂😂 She didn't break the skin. She was fine. But unless you can actively encourage your baby to bite Molly I'd just literally move the pram away.

Sorry.. you are more worried about 'offending' a brat and her ineffectual mother than safeguarding your baby?
Have I got that right?

I'd giver her a stern 'No, we do not do that' and physically block her hands.

Her Mum's inability to control her daughter does not trump your wishes on how others behave around yours!!

Just tell Molly yourself seeing as the child’s mother is incapable of doing so.

Put the baby in a sling or cover the pram so Molly can’t touch your baby, tell her No, Molly I know you like My baby but until you can learn not to touch her face or hands, you can’t touch her at all, your hands carry germs, she’s a little person Not a doll or toy.
Or you can carry a big pump bottle or spray bottle of hand sanitiser & make her clean her hands first.

😂👏

When my youngest was in a buggy there was one child who always took it too far. Her parents never stopped her and it used to really wind me up. I’d be constantly telling her to be gentle and don’t touch his face and in the end, one day she tried tipping his buggy up and I was furious! I told her and told her she wasn’t welcome near him any more - a polite was to tell her to F off!! I don’t understand the wishy washy parents who let their kids behave like this?!

Hi Molly! (Ignoring mum.) Now please run over to the sink and scrub your hands will you? I can see a lot of “schoolyard” on them! No? Oh sorry, but then I can’t let you touch Baby, she got sick just the other day do we need to keep her safe! Bye bye Molly!

Spin it the other way - don't touch baby as she has a cold and is very snotty and you don't want Molly to get sick, particularly before Christmas. Her mum may be more bothered about that. Failing that, I don't think it'd unreasonable to just move the pushchair away from Molly if she continues to do it and keep moving it if she follows until mum gets the message that she needs to intervene. You don't sound like a germophobe. I'd be the same. I wouldn't want a child touching my face so why would I want them doing it to my kid!?

I agree with what others have said and I’d start putting the rain cover on every time. It would give me anxiety especially at the minute with all the bugs going around. My eldest has additional needs and tries to do this to babies and I have to physically stop him but he can very persistent at times and I have to really explain to him why he should just say hello and wave, I would think having a rain cover would be a good way to deter the child. Also I might be tempted to fib a little and tell the mum that the child has something very infectious and you wouldn’t want her DD to catch it to try to get her to intervene and avoid you :)

I had a similar problem and did not really handle it diplomatically.

Mine was a little different; I had two little babies and the child would often run over and try and look right in to the pram, nose to nose, touch the babies or pick them up or pull at the babies blankets. Pram nearly knocked over a few times. The mother I know from previous is an absolute arsehole, the kids have been nearly run over several times, she doesn’t watch them, often the kids have been taken in to the office as “lost” when in fact she’d walked off so far ahead people thought they were alone.

after being sweet about it a few times; I said simply to her “get him off my baby”. Square in the face, boldly, like Paddington but with a bit more east end gumph.

then i said to the child “don’t touch my baby”. It never happened again after that. Don’t be rude; just lay the law down.

It is not just about the germs. Your baby is not a toy, they are not here for everyone's amusement, and 7 year old should know that. If she does not, remind her. How would she feel if every morning someone approached her and started
touching her face, squeezing her cheeks and tickling her nose?

I would say “ Molly, you need to look at me please. Thankyou. Now you are a big girl and you are a kind girl, but I have said to you lots of times I don’t want you to touch xxx face and hands. But you keep on touching xxx every time you see them. So I want to ask you ,why do you keep doing it?do you know why I ask you not to do it ? “ and wait for an answer .

This is also perfect. You don’t need a monologue or a wordy come back about this that or the other. Just no, that’s it. Kids don’t listen past that.

in fact teaching molly that we don’t touch people who say No is also a lesson in consent.

As soon as you see her heading your way be firm and say Molly, do not touch the baby then turn the pram around. If she insists I would be having stern words with the useless mother.

I dont get that at all and she clearly said she isnt a germophobe. I get bratty little child vibes, Molly wont listen to her weak Mum (who wont be a parent and tell her off) and is deliberately trying to wind up this Mum by touching her baby’s face over and over. I would politely speak directly to the Mum or if you are not confident enough to, message her about it and say you didnt want to make any fuss at the school gates.

You don't need to pander to either Molly or her mother. Nor do you need to use lots of unnecessary words, or a soft and gentle tone. You've already done all that and it hasn't worked. And you don't need to be mucking about with slings or raincovers or anything else.

A sharper tone and a couple of words- "No touching!" or "Don't touch!" is all that you need. Or even just "NO!" If Molly's feelings are hurt, tough. Her feelings are for her mother to manage. Your baby's personal space is for you to manage.