To say something to the mum

[Pinchelada]

I have a 7 month old baby and when I go to school to drop off or pick up my other kids, a child in my 7 year old's class makes a beeline for the baby. This child ('Molly') loves babies, it's clear, but I'm getting irritated by her constantly touching the baby's hands and face.

For the record, I am all for baby's being exposed to a normal, healthy amount of environmental germs in order to build their immunity. My baby has older siblings who certainly don't handle her while wearing white gloves, but I do ask them not to touch her face if they have just come inside. We always wash our hands as soon as we come home as part of our family routine as I was raised doing this. My mum was a nurse and this is just what we did.

OK, back to the story. Molly always comes over to see the baby, and her mum comes over to say hi too. Molly starts putting her finger in my baby's hand, strokes her face, squeezes her cheeks etc. Every. Single. Time.

I always say 'please don't touch her face/please don't touch her hands/you can tickle her feet instead/not the face thank you' etc etc. The mum always does a feeble 'oh yes Molly, don't touch the baby's face' when I ask her not to but its not enforced and Molly continues while the mum ignores what's she's doing.

Molly gets public transport to school, often using the underground and will go straight for my baby having just arrived at school. Molly knows full well that I don't want her to touch my baby's face and does it anyway, knowing that her mum doesn't enforce it and I am getting sick of telling her this every time I see her. If my own child kept ignoring my instructions like this I would be annoyed and am started to get really peeved about this. I have kept calm so far but have got to the point of wondering if maybe I'm the problem here? I feel like I'm going to snap at the child.

I think it's natural for kids to want to touch a baby's hands/face but literally every other parent I know insists that their child doesn't do this, just as I do with anyone's baby.

AIBU?

Use the rain cover.

At 7 she should be able to listen to simple instructions like don't touch babies face. Just say it loud and clear next time and say to the mother 'can you get her to stop'. Just grow some balls, you don't like something so don't put up with it

I'd be more annoyed at her poor behaviour ignoring you. My 5 year old is obsessed with babies, always makes a beeline for a buggy. But he has been told no touching. He will wave or chat to them but he understands not to touch other people's kids! A 7 year old ignoring me would really really wind me up. She's fully capable of understanding "don't touch the baby please". Her mum sounds like a wet lettuce.

Agree with this. I find older kids who “love” babies and squeeze their face, prod them and pinch their cheeks are often bossy dominant children. They aren’t interacting lovingly with the baby, they’re doing it because they’re bugger.

i have zero tolerance for this, and i am not wishy-washy about it.
Move the baby away and say "I have told you enough times not to do that. Leave the baby alone".

Just look the mum directly in the eye and say can you please ask her not to touch her face please and pull a 😬 type of look

(posted too soon) why is everyone so wary of directly addressing the child? Just tell her to stop it. If the mum gets narked that you're doing her job and not to talk to her child just fix her with the icy stare and say "well clearly you are inneffective in conveying my wishes"

For clarity, Molly does stop. Eventually.

I will ask her to stop and she continues doing it for as long as she feels she can get away with it. It's usually by the time I am about to tell her again that she seems to instinctively know she has pushed it. She slinks off at that point.

So every time, I feel like I'm about to lose my rag and she stops, so I back off and I forget about it until the next time. I don't see her every day but every time I do, it happens.

Some people are telling me to grow some balls, while 30% of people think I'm being unreasonable, so there is a confusing element to it. I actually have no problem saying my piece and standing my ground, if I'm confident that I'm not being precious.

I don't think I am being though. I'm starting to realise that if it feels like one of my boundaries are being encroached on, then they probably are.

I agree with this. It's all about gratifying the other child's need to squeeze and cuddle a human teddy. My 7 year oldest friends aren't allowed to touch my baby's face (by their parents, so I never need to intervene). I also have a 5 year old as well and none of their friends are allowed to do it either.

It just all happens in such a 'just about'manner that I second guessed myself. The mum 'just about' tells her to stop. Molly 'just about' stops in time. I was raised to not really trust my feelings and was often gaslit if I complained about my boundaries being encroached. I think a lot of people can probably relate to finding it difficult to find the black and white in a situation, until you step back. I guess that's why so many people use AIBU.

I think my issue is that my boundaries are being adhered to in the most reluctant, watery, last minute, 'just about' way. Ie, not. This is probably the biggest trigger for me, come to think about it.

Tell Mollie off once. Then again nore firmly. Then tell the mum you're really sorry but you have to go, babys not well and Mollie isnt listening and you just cant handle it today and move away. Once mum realises she will be Billy no mates she might actually parent. If not then you save yourself years of dealing with a wet wipe of a parent and child who will get more disrespectful. Either way it's a win.

I have this too - most of the kids give a little tickle or wave but a few come up and try to touch his face, even kiss him /fingers in the mouth! It’s really frustrating to watch - and I’m defo not a germaphobe. I too do hand washes once home from school or shops, that’s just hygienic!

I just say please do put your hand on his face - I don’t want you to do that. I’m very blunt and clear I say it kindly but firmly. Look straight at them, if they do it again I’ll pull the pram away and say I asked you to stop. Idgaf if I come across ott. My baby my rules.

ODFOD, none of what you've said is accurate.

YANBU OP. just move the pram, and if she continues just say "do not touch the baby's face and hands Molly, I've told you before." Baby comes first.

I can't believe some people are telling you to use a rain cover or sling, basically advising you to inconvenience yourself lest you look rude. The horror!

I think it's far more rude to 1) keep touching a baby when you've been asked on multiple occasions not to, and 2) stand there like a fart on a windy day while your child repeatedly goes against someone else's wishes.

Personally, I vote for the "Fuck off, Molly" option

Stop fucking about and tell Molly no touching, period. Her touching privileges have been permanently revoked.

What about a pre-emotive strike? Next time she starts to approach you block the buggy and say - ‘you’re not going to touch her today are you Molly, remember I’ve asked you not to’

And then if she tries again you can justifiably use the response from @BakedTattie
“Fuck off molly”
“and you molly’s mum”

I would hate this and would be very blunt about it not happening, but I can understand that not everyone is comfortable with this. I haven't read everyone's responses so this has probably been suggested but could you get firm with her before she starts touching your baby and say, 'remember Molly if you want to say Hello to the baby you only touch her feet not her face and hands'. It might not be possible, kids are quick!

I used a raincover for this purpose. It wasn’t just children, older women used to randomly reach in to my DC’s buggy and squeeze their cheeks or pick up their hand, even when they were asleep. Even if I told them not to, they’d say sorry but I could tell they didn’t mean it and were happy because they’d got their way - touched my baby.

So a raincover is a good general defence because it defends against unpredictable random lungers or those who wait till you’re talking and then lunge at the baby.

As for ‘Molly’, she’s old enough to know better. Next time she approaches, I’d pre-empt her by saying that she’s not to touch your baby at all. If she tries, I’d take her arm/hand and move it away while saying “No!” firmly. It really does sound like she’s doing it to be a nuisance not through any love for your baby.

Raincover or a sling. Personally I'd go sling as I have had children try and pull the cover off before to get to my youngest (they were 4 though not 7 so maybe a 7 year old wouldn't attempt this).

its about the not listening rather than the germs if youre asked nto to do something you dont

all down to the parents and mollys sounds wet

I actually think it’s an important lesson for Molly to learn (especially as a girl) - that touch boundaries are OK and should be enforced properly. Her seeing an adult modelling that is important as her own mum is useless at it. It’s not your job to reach Molly, but it might help with the guilt if Molly’s mum takes the huff at you being more assertive.

It’s not about germs, it’s about you asking that a person not be touched, and that request being ignored. Children need to learn that touch boundaries are important, because they are themselves incredibly vulnerable to abuse.

This was what I was going to say!

This would annoy me so much. When the kids had just gone back to school after the lockdowns lifted one of ds7’s friends came over and stuck his head in the pram and was rubbing his hand all over baby dd’s face. I firmly told him to stop it and give her some space - he wasn’t happy but didn’t do it again. His parents didn’t say anything, but if it happened again I’d have moved the pram away, repeated to the child not to touch my baby and told the parents to stop them. It’s awkward but other people’s feelings aren’t your problem, if they’re crap at parenting their own children then you have to say it yourself.

Doesn't matter she's rude for ignoring your boundaries. She's old enough to learn no means no.

Just move her hands off and say ´stop that please’. She’s had enough verbal warnings and the baby can’t push her hands off herself yet.
Don’t make a big deal of it. She’s touching your baby in a way you don’t like, that justifies a (gentle) physical response.

The fact that she's ignoring you and her mum is allowing her to would piss me off million. Sling or rain cover 100%

I'd actually make a pre-emptive strike here.

As you see Molly approaching your child, you say to the mother "Just a moment" and then say to Molly "Molly, we've spoken about this before. I've told you not to touch the baby. Please stop now!" and say nothing else.
Give a big pause.
If Molly's mother tries to resume the conversation, interrupt her and say "Just a moment, I need to get this issue with Molly sorted before we can continue our chat."
Again, turn to Molly and say "Molly, do you understand me? You're not to touch the baby again, right?" and only then should you consider carrying on the conversation with Molly's mother.
Do it before Molly has even touched your baby.