To say something to the mum

[Pinchelada]

I have a 7 month old baby and when I go to school to drop off or pick up my other kids, a child in my 7 year old's class makes a beeline for the baby. This child ('Molly') loves babies, it's clear, but I'm getting irritated by her constantly touching the baby's hands and face.

For the record, I am all for baby's being exposed to a normal, healthy amount of environmental germs in order to build their immunity. My baby has older siblings who certainly don't handle her while wearing white gloves, but I do ask them not to touch her face if they have just come inside. We always wash our hands as soon as we come home as part of our family routine as I was raised doing this. My mum was a nurse and this is just what we did.

OK, back to the story. Molly always comes over to see the baby, and her mum comes over to say hi too. Molly starts putting her finger in my baby's hand, strokes her face, squeezes her cheeks etc. Every. Single. Time.

I always say 'please don't touch her face/please don't touch her hands/you can tickle her feet instead/not the face thank you' etc etc. The mum always does a feeble 'oh yes Molly, don't touch the baby's face' when I ask her not to but its not enforced and Molly continues while the mum ignores what's she's doing.

Molly gets public transport to school, often using the underground and will go straight for my baby having just arrived at school. Molly knows full well that I don't want her to touch my baby's face and does it anyway, knowing that her mum doesn't enforce it and I am getting sick of telling her this every time I see her. If my own child kept ignoring my instructions like this I would be annoyed and am started to get really peeved about this. I have kept calm so far but have got to the point of wondering if maybe I'm the problem here? I feel like I'm going to snap at the child.

I think it's natural for kids to want to touch a baby's hands/face but literally every other parent I know insists that their child doesn't do this, just as I do with anyone's baby.

AIBU?

Are you me? I had this problem with a little girl (and had a pandemic baby). Luckily her mum did back me up, but never before I had to ask her not to touch her.

BUT….then nursery came. I now wouldn’t bat an eyelid if a child came and licked her face. We get illness no matter what.

Personally I think Mollys mum is incredibly rude for not enforcing. My friends 2 week old baby spent 3 weeks in NICU because she ended up with a severe case of bronchitis. Can't be too careful with wee ones x

Don't say please. It's not a request, its an instruction. Firm clear voice.

"Molly, NO. I've told you before , no dirty hands on baby".
Then you take her sleeve and remove Molly's hand.

I'm with @StClare101 - it's time to be firm and tell her no touching.

MOLLY, PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THE BABY. You can leave it at that with a fierce stare or soften the blow......
I'm sorry but I've asked you lots of times not to touch her face and I know she's cute and you are just being kind, but DC keeps getting poorly from all the bugs going around so now I'm telling you not to touch her. Do you understand?

You've tried the softly softly approach with Molly, spoken to mum and she still isn't listening so now it's time to stand up for yourself and protect your baby.

If you, as the baby’s mother, don’t want some random kid touching your baby’s face, I think you’re more than entitled to just tell her to move away from the baby.
so what if you come off as rude, you’ve tried the nicey nice approach and they aren’t listening.
Be rude if it’s the only way to get the message through.

You are the baby’s voice, so don’t worry what the other parent thinks as they’ve had enough warning to stop their childs behaviour xx

YANBU especially with Scarlett fever going around ATM. What I used to do in these situations was pick my baby up so the child couldn't get to her or him. Just pick her up as soon as you see the child. Get one of the children to push the pram until the girl is out of sight. She will eventually get the message.

Great when children are dieing from strep A?

Any update OP? Have you kicked some ass yet? 😁

15 children have recently dies from Strep A infection. Covid is still prevalent. This is why the OP doesn’t her baby’s face and hands touched.want

Since it's winter, I would pull the rain cover over the baby's pram at drop off and pick up, creating a barrier between Molly and baby. You can probably get away with this until February/March and between now and then come up with something. My friend had a sign she bought saying not to touch her baby, and that was well before covid had arrived.

Carry wipes or the anti covid hand washes and tell her to use before touching.

Maybe speak to the mum about it rather than the child.
It's her duty to keep her daughter from touching the baby's face.

Sorry but I wasn't aware that purely for putting a different view and hoping to calm her fears it was an excuse for a condescending pile on.

My DS has additional health issues and I know you can worry but honestly, as long as fingers don't go in mouths I generally don't see the harm.

Christ.

When my friends now 10 year old was a newborn, the local, shall we say not the most hygienic, kept coming over and putting their hands all over her face, cue baby getting impetigo! It was horrific. I'd do what @Kolakalia says. Not rude. What's rude is the mum letting darling Molly keep doing it.

I’d have smacked her fingers and snapped by now! (Or poked her in the eye!)
you don’t paw at anyone, baby child or adult without consent.
perhaps grab her and and move them away from the baby, nicely, but I bet she won’t like it! & may start to get the message.

I don’t even think it’s necessary to consider those points.
don’t touch should be enough !!

Definitely not a germophobe! I'm a childminder and collect school age children. They're not allowed to do anything in my house until they've washed their hands with soap and water. I know how grim they can be- they go to the loo, then wipe poo on the wall if they get it on their hands,or it's on the door handle...they don't even tell me....or they stand and scratch their bum.....or shove their fingers up their noses....
There is absolutely no way I would let a child keep touching a small baby's face! Harsh words to the child I think. And the mother if she doesn't intervene!

I don’t think you’re coming across as a germaphobe at all. It’s not good form to let your child touch random babies. Or random children. Or random anything. Hands to yourself, look with your eyes, etc. Her mum clearly isn’t getting it. I’d look to avoid Molly and/or use the rain cover and then look for an opportunity to address it discretely with her mum. I wouldn’t even mention the germs; it’s just bad manners to let your child poke a baby repeatedly as though they’re a plaything. This would irritate me to high heaven.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be rude, but it doesn’t really matter if it is. A bit of rudeness to someone who is already being incredibly rude to you is not a cardinal sin.

Molly is a young child. She will challenge discipline. If somebody doesn't actively stop her doing something she's asked not to do then of course she's going to keep doing it. In an ideal world mum would be the one to remove her but since she won't it's up to you. It's irrelevent how much of a germophone you are. You've asked her not to touch your baby so if neither she nor mum will listen then you're not rude at all to shield your baby and tell her firmly 'no'. She might get upset there and then but in the long term she'll develop just a bit more of an understanding of boundaries and will ultimately grow into a happier (and probably safer) adult

You are not a germophobe at all. The child is not listening to you. I’d make it really clear - “Molly, you are not allowed to touch the baby. She is not your doll.”

This all day long

Also any updates OP has she done it today? And did you say anything?

A kid at my kid’s school does this with our dog. A normal family dog but under age 1 and not predictable for that simple reason. Dogs don’t appreciate being randomly grabbed by unknown children. This child rushes up behind us and literally grabs the dog while her parents coo “oh she loves dogs”. This is totally unsafe and if she got bit it would be my fault. All children need to be taught the safe way to approach a dog imho.

On time number 3 of her doing this, I whirled round and said, “it’s not safe to grab dogs like that. You need to touch her safely or leave her be.” She just kind of laughed and ran off, her dad was right there and just sort off smirked at me.

Turn the pushchair away and say "molly, you keep ignoring me when I ask you not to touch her face, so no touching at all now"

Kids hands are gross when they come out of school.