To say something to the mum

[Pinchelada]

I have a 7 month old baby and when I go to school to drop off or pick up my other kids, a child in my 7 year old's class makes a beeline for the baby. This child ('Molly') loves babies, it's clear, but I'm getting irritated by her constantly touching the baby's hands and face.

For the record, I am all for baby's being exposed to a normal, healthy amount of environmental germs in order to build their immunity. My baby has older siblings who certainly don't handle her while wearing white gloves, but I do ask them not to touch her face if they have just come inside. We always wash our hands as soon as we come home as part of our family routine as I was raised doing this. My mum was a nurse and this is just what we did.

OK, back to the story. Molly always comes over to see the baby, and her mum comes over to say hi too. Molly starts putting her finger in my baby's hand, strokes her face, squeezes her cheeks etc. Every. Single. Time.

I always say 'please don't touch her face/please don't touch her hands/you can tickle her feet instead/not the face thank you' etc etc. The mum always does a feeble 'oh yes Molly, don't touch the baby's face' when I ask her not to but its not enforced and Molly continues while the mum ignores what's she's doing.

Molly gets public transport to school, often using the underground and will go straight for my baby having just arrived at school. Molly knows full well that I don't want her to touch my baby's face and does it anyway, knowing that her mum doesn't enforce it and I am getting sick of telling her this every time I see her. If my own child kept ignoring my instructions like this I would be annoyed and am started to get really peeved about this. I have kept calm so far but have got to the point of wondering if maybe I'm the problem here? I feel like I'm going to snap at the child.

I think it's natural for kids to want to touch a baby's hands/face but literally every other parent I know insists that their child doesn't do this, just as I do with anyone's baby.

AIBU?

People like that have a skill for popping up in front of you before you know it but if/when you see them coming, while they’re still a few feet away, give a smile and wave then move and turn away from them and busy yourself with another parent, walk off together in that area as if you’re having a conversation. Even if you are having to introduce yourself 😂 do it every time. If they still come after you (why can’t people like that take a hint 😩) step away from the ok person and tell the stalkers haha that you think you’ve feeling the flu coming on and you don’t want to give it to them. Just say that every time, don’t explain. They will eventually get it. Hopefully.

"Molly, I've told you many times not to touch my baby. So has your mum. Why do you do it every time you see her when you've been told not to? It's very rude to ignore somebody else's wishes about their baby".

Bring hand sanitizer and before she even gets to your kid, make her use it 😂 if she won’t listen and stop touching your child then at least get rid of some germs first?

I can relate to this. You're very thoughtful, OP, and right to be pissed off about this. But you might have to accept that by setting a firm boundary, you run the risk of offending the mother. I'd say bugger that, the annoying woman needs to learn to control her child.

Update please OP, what did you do at pick up today?

@Pinchelada I have exactly the same problem and it’s driving me mad, it’s my dd’s best friend that does it though and I’m friends with the mum so I really feel awkward about being too direct and coming off rude… I did think maybe I was being o.t.t so I’m glad to read that most people agree it’s not ok! I just don’t want germy hands all over my babies face… they get enough from their siblings. I’ve done the rain cover a couple of times and it does stop the touching but I don’t really want to have to do it every school run! The sling helps a bit but she still reaches up and tries to touch her face. Arrghhh it drives me mad. Mum just stands there saying ‘awww’ 🙄

Omg be direct! Calm and clear. It is your baby.

The germs thing wouldn't bother me too much but the child actually sounds really annoying and we've had similarish experiences with a neighbour so I totally get it. It was more the constant overstepping of boundaries and I got so annoyed at the mums refusal to intervene when it was obvious I was asking her to stop. They are all very cool with me now and I'm obviously known now as a complete cow in their house as I just got really stern with her

I wouldn't want a 7 year old touching my baby's face, germs or no germs, just tell her to stop! Look don't touch....

I didn't suggest it - another poster advised OP (in so many words) to use a sling or rain cover because other approaches could come off as rude. Hence my surprise.

Yes if you really don't like it you need to tell the child yourself and explain. I know you love babies but Please can you not touch her face because of "some made up reason" you need to stop doing it because "made up reason" I can't actually think of a good reason so do think perhaps you are a bit ott but your choice so tell her why, failing that baby sling.

I don’t think you are a germaphobe or that there is anything wrong with you not wanting her to touch your baby’s face/hands. She should do what she is told and listen to her mum who obviously doesn’t care or she would enforce it. Tell her clearly not to touch and move baby out of her way. I don’t think that rude, I just think it’s being clear. That would just irritate the hell out of me and I don’t know why people including kids think it’s ok to touch when they haven’t been invited to do so.

Thanks everyone!
OK, I don't see Molly and her mum every day but when I do see them, it happens every time. Every time it happens, I always remember how much I hate it and that I'll sort it out next time and then I forget all about them. I saw them at the start of the week and again remembered how annoying I find it but thought I would check with everyone as I didn't know if I was being unreasonable. I haven't seen them since but next time will be the triple prong attack: raincover, warning (the raincover has a window) and a firm and final 'no'.
I will update whenever that happens.

As an aside for anyone wondering why I'm feeling so unsure about this.. a family member has repeatedly told me I'm precious and that I fuss over my children far too much. When I tried to implement a certain boundary with her, she fell out with me and basically said (in so many words) that I need to get over myself.

So, even though my instincts say one thing, I have always been conditioned to question them.

However, I am actually pretty assertive when I've got my head around the fact that I'm not overreacting.

It's a real bugbear of mine when people accuse other parents (usually the mum) of being precious, too attentive, or worse, that they 'spoil' their child. Especially when it concerns a baby. Firstly, it's none of your business ma'am. Secondly, it's normally said in response to perfectly normal, responsive behaviour.

Don't let one ignorant comment make you paranoid or second guess your instincts (I've been there).

Honestly, wanting a child to not touch your baby is not rude, it's just basic. Molly is ignoring you, her mum is a drip.
Your child, your rules about consent.

I'm in the fuck off Molly camp., or perhaps
"Molly I have asked you lots of times to not touch my baby's face but you haven't listened to me so now you mustn't get close to her at all.
Molly's mum please keep her away from my baby, thank you'.

Ignore family members like this. It’s not their baby and they should mind their business. Such people deserve a wide berth.

She sounds ridiculous for having a strop over something that is none of her concern.

I work really hard on my parenting and this family member has literally nothing good to say about how I do things. One minute I'm too lax, let my children lead the way too much, that I never tell them no', I fuss too much, and the next I'm too strict, 'bossy' and need to 'back off'. I've decided not to trust their opinion too much as it changes depending on what insult they can most easily derive from the situation. It has really messed with my head through the years.

The proof is in the pudding, however, as my children are really lovely, kind, respectful, sweet and popular and people compliment me (and my husband) on them all the time.

I digress!

I'd have a polite word with Mum. SaySay it's lovely that Molly is so friendly but could you ask her to not touch baby's face please. No explanation needed. If she thinks you're rude or odd, who cares. If Molly then carries on you've said your piece and can firmly say no, turn the pram away or whatever without feeling guilty. Stick to your standards, she's your baby.

Wtf? You sound unhinged

Wtf? You sound unhinged

Okaaaay.

On that note, I'll bow our now but will be back to update the next time I see Molly and her mum.

Thanks for all the advice everyone!

Somebody certainly does.