To say something to the mum

[Pinchelada]

I have a 7 month old baby and when I go to school to drop off or pick up my other kids, a child in my 7 year old's class makes a beeline for the baby. This child ('Molly') loves babies, it's clear, but I'm getting irritated by her constantly touching the baby's hands and face.

For the record, I am all for baby's being exposed to a normal, healthy amount of environmental germs in order to build their immunity. My baby has older siblings who certainly don't handle her while wearing white gloves, but I do ask them not to touch her face if they have just come inside. We always wash our hands as soon as we come home as part of our family routine as I was raised doing this. My mum was a nurse and this is just what we did.

OK, back to the story. Molly always comes over to see the baby, and her mum comes over to say hi too. Molly starts putting her finger in my baby's hand, strokes her face, squeezes her cheeks etc. Every. Single. Time.

I always say 'please don't touch her face/please don't touch her hands/you can tickle her feet instead/not the face thank you' etc etc. The mum always does a feeble 'oh yes Molly, don't touch the baby's face' when I ask her not to but its not enforced and Molly continues while the mum ignores what's she's doing.

Molly gets public transport to school, often using the underground and will go straight for my baby having just arrived at school. Molly knows full well that I don't want her to touch my baby's face and does it anyway, knowing that her mum doesn't enforce it and I am getting sick of telling her this every time I see her. If my own child kept ignoring my instructions like this I would be annoyed and am started to get really peeved about this. I have kept calm so far but have got to the point of wondering if maybe I'm the problem here? I feel like I'm going to snap at the child.

I think it's natural for kids to want to touch a baby's hands/face but literally every other parent I know insists that their child doesn't do this, just as I do with anyone's baby.

AIBU?

It is not okay that Molly is being allowed to touch your baby like that. At all. She should as a minimum be asking.

If you can't use any of the solutions posted, I would simply say to Molly we can't touch the baby as she hasn't been well - on repeat. A younger child may not understand any other explanation - germs, winter etc but she will understand the baby isn't well.

Your baby, your rules. This Molly child sounds obnoxious.
Others on here have given you some good advice about rain cover & baby sling. Just do it and additionally avoid the mother too. Stand your ground. Be consistent, You are just being sensible. It’s allowed,

Just take a sling with you and pop her in it just before you go in so that Molly can't reach. Job done.

I'm definitely not getting germaphobe vibes from you. I brought mine up the same way, we always wash our hands when coming indoors. We know people with coldsores shouldn't kiss babies etc but how do we know little Molly hasn't touched a handle where someone careless has touched it prior? Not worth the risk. Public transport is gross and I don't even touch my own face after using it! Her mum should be more assertive but you can see why Molly doesn't respect boundaries. Just be clear and firm like a teacher does. Do NOT touch her face and hands but you may hold her feet or similar approach.

Is this a thing now? That children are not to be told off when they do something they have been told not to.
I can guarantee if your mother or MIL was picking up, Molly would have stopped doing it by now.
People think this generation are snowflakes, the next ones will already be melted.

Definitely rain cover for now. But for days when that doesn't work.

Be alert to her where's abouts. When you see her approach, have that arm ready to physically block, you're not touching the child. Just stopping them touching. If she walks into your arm that's up to her.
When she complains, 'baby is ill, I've asked you not to touch'
If she tries again 'mum, how do I say it so mollie understands, we don't touch the baby'

I wouldn't encourage the feet, just have a no touching rule.

Oh and if mollies mum can't hear, drop your tone, smile sweetly whilst saying it. Honestly I can't stand it when children carry on

No. It's incredibly rude to stand there and let you child keep touching another child whose parent has made it clear the touch is unwanted.

Just stop her! Physically as suggested if you have to! How can it be rude when you have repeatedly asked her to stop! Don't do the passive rain cover thing - woman up, be the adult and tell her to stop and then stop her if she doesn't listen!

Definitely not OK, I hate it when people touch my babies! Especially strangers in the bloody supermarket, wtf people?! I would certainly be harsher in your tone. The Mum sounds useless so I couldn't therefore respect a person like that or care if she thought I was rude. I'd rather that than all the additional germs she could be spreading - siblings pass on enough as it is!

I just remembered before the summer holidays, my baby was wearing a sun hat and Molly got very excited when she saw her. So excited that she started pulling the hat up and down and I did get cross with her and said 'STOP IT!' which she did but the mum, again, was very half hearted. I didn't see them for a few months after obviously and totally forgot until just now. It's more than germs at this stage, it's boundaries and protecting my child.

I'm going to enforce them properly from now on.

Slings and rain covers?....wtf??
There's no way you should have to change how you transport your baby because of another child.
Just say no, mean it and enforce it. It's an important concept, especially when it comes to touching bodies.

The germ issue is a red herring. I wouldn’t be bothered re germs, more the fact she is ignoring your instruction regarding your baby. The pinching her cheeks would bother me more than the germs. Mum sounds useless. I’d tell molly very sharply to get off my baby and not to touch her again.

I’m not surprised you feel awkward about this because it’s so clearly the other mum’s job to deal with it. I can’t believe someone wouldn’t be mortified to let their kid do something to a baby that the mum clearly didn’t like. I sometimes feel self conscious about how often I’m redirecting my three year old or telling her no, because it is annoying to listen to and I can start to feel like an ineffective army general - but not half as annoying as a parent who just doesn’t do it!

Yes I think so too actually

“Fuck off molly”

“and you molly’s mum”

😄😄😄😄

Just look the mum directly in the eye and say can you please ask her not to touch her face please and pull a 😬 type of look

The other mum obviously doesn't see it as an issue as she isn't enforcing it so it is up to you. You need to stop being a wet lettuce and tell Molly what you expect.

When she comes up to the baby say, remember not to touch her. Keep close and when she does go to touch her move the pram swiftly away or block her hands and say again. Get firmer if she persists and tell her just to move away and leave the baby alone entirely. If she gets upset tell her she can talk to the baby tomorrow if she keeps her hands away, otherwise let her mum deal with her.

That is not being rude, it is making your boundaries clear to a child who is persistently crossing them when you have already asked nicely.

Yes this! The moment she makes a move towards the baby, swing the pram away and tell her why. If she manages to touch her, calmly remove her hands and tell her why. You don’t have to be rude, just firm “Molly I’ve asked you before not to touch her. But she loves it if you wave at her/pull a funny face etc”

Op has tried this though, mollys mum is pathetic and molly knows this so carries on.
time for op to take action herself.

Tbh at 7, I'd wonder if she's doing it for a reaction. Rather than just loving babies, it sounds like attention-seeking behaviour. 7 is old enough to remember what she has been told and exercise some self-control. I also have a baby and a reception age child - I've never had to tell the 4 and 5 year olds in my older DC's class not to touch and poke the baby, even the ones who are very interested. My older DC will occasionally do this at home, however, under the guise of being affectionate to the baby - but it's become increasingly clear to me that it's actually an attention-seeking tactic and so I've treated it as such and redirected it and given more attention to the older DC. Clearly that's not your role because you're not this child's parent, but I wonder if she's learnt that doing this gets her attention, even if negative.

I'd be less concerned about the germs (although it's not ideal) than the poking and squeezing. There's a good chance that if Molly has something, your older child will get it too and pass it onto the baby. But your baby should not have to put up with having her personal space invaded and being poked and prodded by a much bigger child. I'd just put the raincover over your baby and tell Molly that the baby needs some space.

Yanbu

Rephrase your responses so that it's about learning consent. Bet that brings the mum up short.

It's not just about germs. Also personal space. I have lost count of the amount of kids who hoist up my baby and pick her up, try to walk off cuddling her... whilst their mums smile down all gooey eyed like it's the most lovely thing in the world ...

No, you're actually hurting her!

These kids also do it with dogs.

And the parents seem to be clueless.

I wouldn't mind about the germ issue (at 7 months the baby is surely crawling on the floor, etc) but I would mind a lot that some stranger was prodding and pawing at my child, which would be intrusive, annoying and potentially even scary for the baby.

I don't think you should say she can touch feet but not face etc. She needs to stop, end of. A simple "no more" with a stern face and then ever louder "no, Molly!" would do it. An arm physically stopping her getting any closer if necessary. And then an incredulous, "will you control your child, please?" to the mum if it's still escalating.