DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

I assume you are joking… Let’s hope.

To me this is a natural function of love….

I give mine the bigger bit - the piggy portion - because he eats more than me. But if I was hungry I’d take more.

It isn't fair he gets the best bits every time.

Just give yourself the best bits sometimes.

I agree with you, OP.
It may be different upbringing...

We both give each other the best bit. I’ve honestly never been in a relationship where that wasn’t the case.

Everything else aside, there’s something very childish about greed or selfishness around food. Almost toddleresque. I’d find it deeply unattractive.

Have you actually spoken to him about this? Or just posting randomly.

If this is the only thing I'd let it go.

When I was growing up my mum always gave us the best bits and left all treats for us children. I remember worrying as a child that I'd have to do this when I'm grown up. However now I don't mind at all. Kids always get zhr best bits (if it's something where they would like it), next dh if I'm cooking and then me. Dh does the same though. I'm not above eating the last biscuit or not sharing a treat with dh though. And if I haven't made enough food I might not even leave any for dh.unless it's something I know he particularly likes. I think life is easier and more.pleasant of.let go of little things and if your dh is great about everything else then this is a little thing.

If it bothers you then do ask.him.though

I often eat the best bit before dishing up. Eg the best roast potato.
Started this about 10 years ago after roughly 15 years of serving up dinner to the other 5 largley ungrateful members of my family, where they would compare their portions and moan. The joys of teenagers..... They are now all sensible and well behaved grown ups....I still get the best bit.

If you always give yourself the crappy bits and him the best bits he probably thinks he is giving you the best bits as that is what you choose to have.

I always used to give my DH the best bit. Then I realised that he never does - When I was 5 days post-partum, having my first bath just before lunch while DS had his first 2 hour sleep since birth, I could smell a beautiful pizza cooking. By the time I'd got out of the bath, DH had eaten the entire thing. Didn't cook me anything. Just didn't occur to him to share or that I might want food.

I realised then that it's not him being "mean" in a conscious way, as he does it in every walk of life. He's just innately self-centred and I am innately self-less. I find it very hard and it causes me a lot of unhappiness.

I have a friend who divorced his wife because she gave him the chipped mug. He realised he couldn't spend the rest of his life with someone so self-centred.

No, the cook has to eat the burnt bit if they've burned it: they have the dry bit if they've overcooked something: they have the dodgy half of the avocado if they bought and are serving it. You always give the customer — the person you cook for — the best bit. Particularly when it's your partner.

Sweeping generalisation klaxon but I think many men are socialised to put themselves first and many women are socialised to put others first.

The rule my mum had for my brother and I as kids was one person cuts, the other chooses. This meant we'd always make sure the cake etc... was completely even so neither of us got to choose the best bit. I do this with my husband now 😄

Dh always gives me the best portion

in a restaurant if he thinks his eggs look better for example he’ll try and give me his

i probably take the better portion for myself mostly 😳 but sometimes thats (as others have said) is in the eyes of the beholder

I do all the cooking and I almost always give myself the nicest looking portion. Perks of the job and all that!

I realised how much I must love my late husband when I gave him the biggest piece of chocolate cake! It's just what you do, surely?
I would be a bit sad too, @cherriegarcia

He is acting like a child. Not even a nice child.

You are right.

I always give DH the best bits, but I suppose cooking is my love language, so it makes me happy to do that. He does the same for me.

I would've actually had a breakdown if this happened to me 5 days PP 😂 I hope he got you another pizza

He has!

I always thought chef’s privilege was pouring as much wine in your glass as you do in the dinner as you cook, and not bothering to wander the house offering any to anyone else.

I agree. And that’s how you have a happy relationship, if both of you always put the other person first. Then it’s equal.

Giving someone more because they’re a man and will eat more isn’t the same as giving them the best bits.

its a qualitative determination not a quantitative one. 😁

If you look at a bit of food and think, that looks less good, I’ll give it to him/her, you are communicating something. If you do that every time (even more of less automatically) you’re saying something quite clearly.

There are lots of choices. Spread the bits around so everyone gets a mix of better or worse bits is often possible. But when someone consistently gives you all the burnt bits of pizza with less cheese, they’re telling you that you matter less than them and you deserve less good stuff. They’re showing you that they will put their wants first. Every time.

what you do with that information is up to you.

Need to go back to basics- one cuts, the other chooses