DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

I'm with you, it's not considerate, but is it possible he just thinks you're not bothered if you've never said anything? Definitely bring it up.

Whoever cooks get the nicer looking plate of food

The final brownie scene is from Notting Hill, and Anna makes a complete knob of herself with her ‘argument’ on why she should get it!

Talk to him about it without judgement and see what’s under the behaviour.

My family culture was the cook and the parents had best bits as theirs by right.

It was many many years before I twigged that not everyone did it that way.

Have you got kids? I’m absolutely determined my kids won’t see mummy at the bottom of the family pile. I will have my fair share of the nicest bits of food, getting to choose what’s on the tv, lie ins and uninterrupted bathroom time etc and I expect my husband to support that as part of his role as my husband but also as part of good parenting to our son and daughter, both of whom I think need to see mummy being an equally valuable member of the family.

He thinks his needs are more important than yours clearly. Did his parents teach him to share when he was small.

I am amazed at the amount of people saying’chef’s privilege’ - does that count for guests too?!

I am with you OP and I would be hurt.

It also doesn’t sound like he is giving himself the slightly better bits, he is giving you the worst burnt bits. That’s selfish and mean.

Me too.

Also though it seems like he can’t be arsed/has no incentive to cook his food evenly/consistently because he thinks he can shove all the rubbish bits to you? I’d start serving up his food. Especially if you’re a better cook than him.

No idea if my husband does this tbh. If we have a pizza, and I’m chopping it, I give each of us a piece that faces each other diagonally (if you see what I mean) Then you get equal sizes or so it seems 😆 😋 🍕

I selected YANBU but, I do this myself with my DC...chef's perks! 😂

Many moons ago my then husband pulled our baked potatoes out of the oven and one dropped on the floor. He immediately said without a hint of irony or humour ‘oh that one was yours’ . We are long divorced.

It’s greedy and selfish.

You are being very unreasonable. The chef gets the best bits every time, and every time I am the chef

I tend to give everyone the bit they like best, including me. So DH has breast, no skin. DSs have as much skin as they can get. (Chicken).

My lovely dad and I found ourselves both eating what we considered the second favourite yogurt because we'd each insisted the other have what we thought was the best yogurt. We swapped when we realised!

When I first read it, I thought your DH was being awful. Then I read the replies and realised what a bloody hypocrite I am, because I do all the cooking and that’s exactly what I do.

I take slightly more veg, less meat, but mine is always leaner or the chicken from the legs, the smaller crispier potatoes, he gets the bigger but paler ones.

TBH, he likes fattier meat, less veg and probably thinks the bigger spuds are a treat. 😂

Wow I’ve never heard of Chef’s privilege/ perks and would feel like you OP! I suppose it’s helpful to know this might be how he sees it. I’d give the other person the nice bit or at least make it as fair as possible. At the moment it’s mainly me cooking for me and my strapping teen DS, I give him more/bigger bits because he needs more food, but he also cooks and offers me the choice or checks I’m happy with how he’s shared it out. To me that’s manners!

I think of the chef’s “perk” as the bits you get to eat while cooking…

I mainly cook and I give others the best bits. I notice that DH does too when he cooks.

I would definitely comment on my food as being underdone, overdone, light in cheese etc. Maybe a follow up with a subtle dig at what a terrible cook he is and have to redo the toast with a big sigh.
Next time a “ jokey” comment to friends about the poor quality meals DH serves you. Reminders when he offers to cook that “ he can’t”.

Never look at his better cooked portion and wait for the penny to drop he being a selfish twat.

Exactly this!

maybe try cooking/serving yourself?

Depends, I always keep the little bits of meat off the bottom of the chicken for me, or jab the best crackling before anyone appears, chefs perks, but otherwise I serve according to appetite so dp gets more than me

I always serve myself the less good bits, unless, im only sharing with my husband ha! Then I give myself the better bits ha!

I do ask him if he minds, point it out as I do it. He's not really into food, just eats it because he needs it for fuel, so I often think the better bits are more appreciated by me! Obviously anything that's actually bad doesn't have to be eaten by anyone though, so the worse serving isn't that bad.

Easy solution. Whoever cooks plates up, and the other person without looking chooses the plate on the left or right.

I always give myself the worst of stuff when serving, or the smallest portion if we are a little short on food that meal

I do a mix of both. I give him a larger portion as he’s bigger than me, but I’ll find a nice cheesy slice of pizza for myself.
As he’s lovely in all other ways, I’d brush it off but mention it lightly.