DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

I try to mix it up but in reality I think I do this. 😬

I would jokingly say "oi, think again mate, fair shares".

Yes that's just a bit mean. After all, isn't it the tiny little caring, loving things we do every day that add up to show up how much we care? If someone is clearly and consistently giving themselves the best bits it's subtly saying they don't care.
My husband always gives me the best bits and I always give him the best bits 😄Mind you he has also been known to weigh out portions to make sure that it's scrupulously fair and we have exactly the same amount as each other 😆

This is how I knew my dh was the one. I cooked a meal and gave him the best bits. That was 20 yrs ago, can’t hand on heart say I do the same now! 😂

Yep, I cook, I serve, so the rasher that has that extra crispy bit at the end, the oysters from the chicken, the pork chop with the tastiest bit of fat - they’re mine.
DH never notices.

He sounds like a bit of a selfish wanker.

That's no way to speak about someone's loved one. Who brought you up?

Absolutely chef's privilege, anyone who doesn't use this rule is off their heads. That said, I always give DD the best bit. But I would never give DH the burnt bit, if I've cooked and it still needs to be included, I'll take that on the chin. But the cheesiest pizza is mine every time.

You married a knob....

I usually eat the best bits before it even gets to the plate haha then give myself a smaller portion. I am pretty sure my husband does the same always see him chewing when he is cooking and I go in the kitchen 🤣

If it bothers you , and it would bother me, just say. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just say, oh , could I have that bit please, looks lovely.
Or you do the cooking and share stuff equally/fairly.

It’s a tiny red flag that he’s selfish and uncaring. You don’t feel cared for or cherished. That’s at the bottom of it and I understand why you feel upset. If I had a pizza with a good half and a bad half, I’d cut the good half in 2 and we’d share it and I’d do the do the same with the bad half. Equal shares in ‘good and ‘bad’. I’d say something.

It certainly is about generosity of spirit as mentioned earlier. My mum would have called it being thoughtful.

Late DH had a generous spirit, if he'd made a mess of something like a fried egg he would have given me the good one and taken the messy one for himself - with the usual, "I'll have it," and "No, I'll have it" exchange, but then, we were nice to each other.

Is he as mean in other areas of everyday life?

I try to make it as equal as possible. Both get a bit of the burnt bit etc 😂
My other half works a very physical job and as long as he gets enough to eat he is happy.
Saying that, I bought him some chocolate yesterday and ended up eating it 😂

I like your style!

Bottom line, he putting himself first. It's pretty self absorbed and greedy.
Start by taking over the serving. Point it out to him. Know how fucking clueless men are, he may need it pointing out.

Yanbu as it'd irk me and suggests a lack of care.
OTH it's exactly what I do and claim chefs perks but I ensure that my husband is unaware and I hide in the kitchen eating all the crispy bits

It's funny you should say that because I think this says more about a person than anything they say or maybe other bigger things they do. I always gave my husband [now dead] the best, biggest, most delicious looking, creamiest... bit of whatever I was serving. I always had the bit with gristle, not many strawberries or whatever the treat was. I began to notice his entitled air when we had two children. He expected the best bits, as well as expected me to do the driving and organise everything like holidays, for which I had to find the money since he never gave me a penny. When the toddler dropped her ice-cream and cried, he laughed and ate his as I gave her mine. When the little one fell and hurt her wrist on a Sunday he took no notice, and now, in their 40s, they taunt me for not taking her to hospital until the next day, ignoring that they were at home with daddy and I was in and out working my arse off at the beck and call of the live-in 24 hrs a day job I had as a Tutor, and from which I could not absent myself. He sat in front of the telly, I was up at 6, still running around the outside at 11pm and on-call all night, because I was desperate to make ends meet.
I could go on.
Listen! Start looking after yourself! He does not value you. He treats you like dirt. The children see this and will grow up thinking it's all your worth, so treat you like dirt too.
Stop letting him wipe his feet on you! If you lay down on the floor like a doormat that's what he will do. Get up, tell him he's a selfish slob, take what you deserve, and get out of there as soon as you can.

What a mean comment! Everyone may give their opinion, and all opinions, expressed politely and with concern for others, are of value. Seeing many identical remarks is as relevant as getting opposing view-points! It shows how people think and feel.

To criticise remarks because they are similar or the same as others, so scathingly in a public forum, is very unkind, I think.

My partner always gives me the nice part and I do the same. I had an ex that would do this and it felt like a huge deal 🤣🤣🤣

The selfish cook I think you mean

The drumsticks are the best bit though, hehe.

WeepingSomnambulist I'm a bit behind, sorry - somehow missed a page. I just wanted to say I am so glad you did get away. I tend to notice these things because i stayed and wasted 22 years of my life after marrying too young to an older man. From the beginning, he would steal the best bits of food from my plate (since this is the topic), and was being critical and scathing even before we married but unlike your mother, mine was infatuated by him and really wanted me to marry him so she had the invitations printed before I said I would get married.
I do hope you had a happy life after you left him.

If I cook, I give myself any bad parts. After all, I was the one in charge of cooking the food, so any bad parts are my fault. Unless an emergency came up, like a sick kid I had to clean up after.