DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

WTH is this ‘chef’s privilege?’ Goodness how selfish! Also not everything is a gourmet feast. Making toast hardly deserves a standing ovation and the non-burnt piece. Politeness says you serve the better bits to others not greedily keep them for yourself. YANBU OP.

You can easily say next time he cooks In a jokey way:

’hey DP why do you always give yourself the best bits?!’

it doesn’t have to be a serious sit down conversation/ made a big deal out of it.

don’t act annoyed, just point it out as a fact. See what he says

hopefully he’ll start giving you the best bits!

Personally if I’ve done the cooking, I’ll give myself the best bit

I was brought up that men get the best cut etc. Madness. My mum would do this now too.
I will generally give people the bit I know they would choose if that makes sense.
Ds often chooses his, he’s a pampered little Prince. Dh doesn’t really care, I am the most picky. I also do all the cooking. It all works out, we all get fed.

He’s not getting ‘the best’ bits. He’s choosing the one he likes the look of the best. You should do the same. I

I cooked it, so I'm gonna have the nicest bit. You want the nicest bit, you do the cooking!

You are in different camps.

I totally get why it upsets you...but strongly doubt it's because he thinks you deserve the rubbish bits!

I'd make a playful joke about it next time... just to make him aware..

Each person gets what they like best or one person dishes out and the other chooses a plate!

I have a lovely husband who would always give me the best bit of anything.

He has a slightly more selfish wife who cherry picks! But I like certain things a certain way (juicy bit of crackling/crispy bits off roasties etc) that he isn't bothered about. If it was something like a chessiet half of pizza then no, I wouldn't take that, we'd spilt it.

I would feel hurt by this too. I think the little things show you who a person really is sometimes.

My DH does this. It’s selfishness. He’s also a bit lazy so he makes me open and pour the wine. I pour the glasses and take a big slug, then make them even.

Revenge is sweet.

I am a bit surprised people's cooking varies so much across one dish to make so much difference really. Also surprised so many grab the best bit themselves deliberately.

I think the ‘chef’s priv’ stuff applies when you’re mass catering, you’ve worked hard and you deserve a tasty morsel.

when you’re cooking for your dearest love, why would you not want to have them have the best bit? It’s an act of appreciation.

I would tell him how it’s making you feel, and see how he weighs ‘my wife’s happiness’ vs ‘that slightly cheesier slice of pizza’

Hmmm. We put everything on the table and people serve themselves. So the roast is carved and put out on a platter, all veg and gravy on the table and it's passed around. Or a big bowl of whatever pasta/risotto we're eating. Or a pie. Cold cuts and salad. Curries. This just struck me as straightforward and sociable, and reduced work for the person cooking not having to plate up. Never occurred to me that it also reduced opportunities for cherrypicking and breeding resentment and entitlement!

OP, stop plating up in advance and put everything on the table.

Did you grow up with siblings OP? I did and it was very much, if you want it, get in there and take it or someone else will!

It’s ok to put yourself first and take what you want

DH does all the cooking and would always give me the best bits.

I always give DH and/or DS the best bits or biggest portion. And DH would give me the best if he was serving. I can’t imagine not automatically offering the best to the other person so YANBU to feel shit.

But there is always variation. Bake some potatoes and they won’t be absolutely infirm in size. Ovens don’t cook entirely evenly so the ones on the edge will have crispier skin than the ones in the middle. And so on.

It’s home cooking not a factory or a Michelin started restaurant. Unless you are cutting potatoes and meat to exactly the same sized portions (and not using the offcuts) and carefully controlling stuff in laborious ways at home?

In my house I cut the potatoes up as they come. There will be variation in the size and shape of roast potatoes. And some will be nicer than others. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unless he does 100% of the cooking then I don’t see the problem. You get to choose which plate you want when you cook.

This is interesting experiment as it's seems to highlight those posters who are "aggreeable". Agreeableness is a personality trait that describes the ability to put others needs before their own.

Agreeable people are more empathic so consider other people's needs first.

LTB

Dh’s standards of best bits are different to mine. Dd and I eat the chicken breast, dh the legs / wings and I give him the oysters for example. Not that he probably realises about the oysters, which are known to be chef’s dibs.

As for other meals, dd is fussiest then me, then dh. He will literally eat anything we wouldn’t off our plate so he does tend to get what we would consider the not such nice bits in certain context and in those cases, he doesn’t care. He does know and jokes about being bottom of the pile.

It is mean when you notice and care though and I would say you’d like to get the best bits some of the time.

Well you martyring yourself has probably made him feel entitled to the best bits.

Did his mum do this too?

Why would he serve himself anything different.

To change this, people need to stop being martyrs to their children and let the children see their mothers putting themselves first sometimes.

The fact that you always give him the best bit then expect him to do any different when he serves himself makes you unreasonable.

I'd probably just say cheerily "can I have that side as it's got more cheese, yum, thanks!" while swapping the plates over. He undoubtedly thinks you haven't noticed so won't mind.

I think giving the other person the better bit is only polite. If someone consistently gave me the worse bit, I'd feel sad that they didn't want to give me the better bit. It's not actually about eating the food, it's about how the other person sees you.

However, as a general rule, you shouldn't be splitting equally if you're of different sexes. Men have a higher calorie requirement, and couples splitting food evenly down the line is how women put on weight without realising why.

Been there, done that!

I cook and give DH the best bits and the biggest portion. Surely it's normal to give the man the bigger bit? They generally have higher calorie needs than women.

I grew up in a patriarchal household. My mother serves the best bits to Dad & BIL. And they get it first, too. I don’t do that in my home.