DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

I'd be really upset about this. I share the best bits out so everyone gets some, I'm shocked at how selfish people are on this thread!

I must admit to giving myself the best bit sometimes. But I do all the cooking, chef's privilege IMO.

I give my daughter the best bits, if it’s just me and my husband I take them. 😃

I would like to know why is he does it that way. Whether he deliberately gives himself the better half or thinks he is giving you the better half or he doesnt notice at all?
Perhaps you can try asking why did you/he got that particular half.

If they’re giving you the burnt toast, they’re definitely being a dick.

if I burn toast, I know I made a mistake. I’ll either eat it myself or make more. I won’t keep the nice bits to myself and give other people the burnt bits.

Same with the broken egg. Unless you’ve got a fussy child who won’t eat runny yolk or something.

I always give my DH a bigger portion and always give him the last slice of pizza, last roastie etc. In return he will always give me the best bit, even if I cooked.

I want people to enjoy the food I make, even my beloved life partner!

I give her the bit she'll like best, such as the leaner steak.

I’m with you. We always give each other the best bits (if there are any) and I’ve never heard of chef’s privilege until now.
Having said that I’m careful to make sure the cheese on a pizza is even, and that the portions are the same size, and I’d never give anyone burnt toast!

This is what we do in general. It has a very pleasing side effect of everyone moderating and understanding portions. Seconds always available but you must check if anyone else wants to share what’s left. We even do this with things ‘plated up’ in the kitchen if we’re not eating at a table- come in and serve yourself from the pans.

I do find this thread quite shocking that so many people are happy to always give themselves the ‘best’.

I wouldn't make a huge deal of it but I would call him out on it in a pisstaking way - because at the moment it sounds like he knows he can get away with it! Then if he carried on I would get pissed off

If so then call him out on it gently and good-naturedly every time till he stops. I’d be swapping plates after he’s served every time tbh.

It's just me and 18yo DD and I try and divvy things up fairly equally.

If I'm cooking a meal she prefers and there's a best bit I let her have it and vice versa if it's a meal I'm more keen on.

Only the chef gets the crispy roast chicken skin in our house though 😋!

Ummm, can someone explain this "half of the pizza" thing?

(asking for a friend who always orders one per person)

This. My first thought was did he grow up in a household where his dad/boys generally were given the best bit, or conversely where the cook always took the best bits? That doesn't have to be the dynamic for you. Kids learn from what they see modelled, not what you say.

We mix it up a bit in our house. Treat other people with respect, but also treat yourself with respect. One cuts, the other chooses is a good strategy for kids but you'd hope it wasn't necessary in adulthood.

Sometimes it gets to an anti-competitive "Give me the burnt bit!" argument!

DH does this when pouring wine. Not so much if we have guests but if it's just the two of us he gives himself more. I always call him out on it and have been known to get a ruler out...

To me chef’s privileges are things like getting the crispy bits of potato stuck to the roasting pan, or licking the cake mix spoon once it’s in the oven. Things you only get during the cooking/serving process.

I don’t agree that the chef gets the best bits of the actual meal. Nor do I think the chef should give them all to the other person. Fair split in this house. Just like the cooking/clearing up is fairly split.

If I had a DH who sat on his arse while I cooked and cleared up I might feel differently. I’d have much bigger issues mind you.

It's like the last Rolo - shows how much you love someone.

I can see your point, I don't think the smaller bit of pizza or the bit of avocado with a brown bit is 'the best bit' by anyone's standards 😂

Do you know if he considers the 'best' bits the same as you?

My Mum spent years giving me the 'best bits' only to later learn the bits I considered best were almost all different to her - I prefer the less cheesy bit of pizza, the slightly burned jacket potato etc

Based on that I tend to think the logical thing is for whoever is dishing up to take the best bit in their opinion, at least that way one person definitely gets their choice rather than potentially no one getting their preference

Poor men - some of you won't let them do anything right - even when they have cooked a meal for you and the family!

cherriegarcia he probably also believes that you haven't noticed, so no harm done...

It's selfish which is why it's unattractive in a partner. It's worth mentioning that you've noticed though as if he genuinely thinks only he knows then that might be enough of a jog...

In our family the person not doing the dividing / pie cutting / cake slicing / serving gets to choose the plate.

This system was devised to stop war amongst the kids. It puts pressure on the one dividing the cake to be scrupulously fair!

Innately or you have both been raised that way?

My DM's generation almost universally gave the larger, better portions to the DH where resources were limited. It was what women were schooled to do and men were schooled to expect. Even though my DF (who would be in his 90s) was raised as one of a clutch of boys by a working mother who made sure they could all look after themselves, she still gave the larger/choice portions to the men at the table just automatically.

Don't underestimate the influence of that on all of us but also don't avoid challenging it. Your children will learn this pattern if you don't.

As for "chefs perks" - I always understood that as nibbles in the kitchen these days, not hogging the best for yourself. In older days it was the cook's right to dispose of leftovers in a household with staff.

Indeed. Not giving your wife the brown bit of avocado or burnt bit of toast is both stressful and confusing. Poor men!