DH serves himself the best bits

[cherriegarcia]

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

It's so interesting how split it is on here - quite a few think chef's privileges and others think chef should serve the best to other people.

Sounds like just different approaches and maybe me and DH are in different camps on this one.

That’s how I do it. I can’t imagine giving someone else the less good bit.

I think my husband does the opposite though. It’s a difference in approach that applies in other areas of life too.

I always give myself the worst portion

I mix it up. Sometimes I get the best bit and sometimes he does. Depends on my mood at the time. Always getting the worst would annoy me I think, but not having to cook would be a definite bonus.

Neither if us make toast for the other though, so maybe do your own in future. In fact the vast majority of the time breakfast and lunch during the week is something we prepare for ourselves and no one has to serve the other.

It is likely he hasn't really thought about it, I would point it out in humour and see what he says. Does he always get first dibs. Perhaps he can't be bothered with back and forth negotiations so gets on with it. My husband does this really annoying equally sharing out the last left over bit instead of offering it to the other person, so you get a tiny slither each. I usually just say you have it as it seems so mean some how, he would see it very differently and about sharing. Perhaps you should sometimes take the bit you prefer and sometimes not.

DP always gives me the best bits. I always give me the best bits. Works for me!

He cuts/portions, you choose

I'd make a joke out of it I wouldn't eat burnt toast! Go back and remake

They share a bacon sandwich!

I truly believe it comes down to the characteristic of generosity of spirit which does not appear to change from birth to death
So you are either generous of spirit or you're not as can be seen in the responses here. The person who will assess a piece of food while serving friends or family and give himself the largest piece will also not show generosity of spirit in other ways within his life
So imo OP you're not being ridiculous or unreasonable, but you now know who you are married to, what his core character is

He cuts/portions, you choose
This is my approach. Forces the other person to make it as equal as possible!

I'd be hurt OP. My parents always had one of us dish up the item and the other got to choose which plate, it kept us focused on being fair. As an adult i would offer my partner the best plate and he would offer me the best. We split cooking 50/50. I think this would be different for a home where I've person dies all the cooking. But I'm glad for us that our base lube is either fair or generous. With your partner, what can you do? This is an ethic/value often learned young. I don't know how i would handle it if i was in your shoes.

Cutting up an avocado or shoving a pizza in the oven doesn't make him a "chef". Not like he has just spent hours lovingly labouring in the kitchen to produce said avocado - chef's privilege is surreptitiously gobbling up juicy pieces while cutting up the roast and yes I'm fully on-board with that. In contrast your H is being plain rude and selfish and you're - right here and now, in front of our eyes - falling into the "be kind" trap.

Do pull him up on it, please. If he's truly a kind and loving person he'll be embarrassed and a little more aware next time.

Yes, is that possible?

I like my food more on the crispy burnt end of the scale, and DH prefers his food more on the squishy undercooked end of the scale.

So we tend to have different ideas on which bit is the best bit.

I genuinely think this tells ypu a lot about someone. I get giving yourself the best bit if your partner is lazing around and you're doing literally everything and its annoyed you. But in a fairly happy equal relationship I think it's horrible to do this and would actually turn me off someone. It's the epitome of putting himself first. Not attractive.

chef's privilege is surreptitiously gobbling up juicy pieces while cutting up the roast and yes I'm fully on-board with that
I agree with this. A true chef wants every potion to appear equally appetising - the ‘privilege’ bit is in the kitchen out of sight - extra roastie before serving, whatever - not a better meal on the plate.

Depends what it is. Generally I give DH the best looking meal but if cheese is involved I'll take the bigger portion of cheesy goodness. I also always give myself the best looking cup of tea

With regard to portion size though dh always gets a bugger portion then me. My heart knows he needs way more calories then me, I'll still give myself too much according to nutritionists but i always give him more so i dont feel like such a fatty

I do the majority of the cooking and always make sure DP gets at least the same, if not better, portions and cuts as me.

I think she does the same, but tbh it’s not like I check when she’s cooked, so who knows?!

“Chef’s privilege” sounds selfish.

I’m with you op. It’s mean.

If you’d “always give the person your serving the best bit” then you’d get the burnt toast or the brown avocado anyway.
if it now matters, you need to say to him “I’d like that half please” then point to the half of the pizza you deem to be the best part.

It depends what's been cooked.
If it's a meal with something DH especially likes then he gets the best bits, but if there's a best bit I especially like then I get the best bits. Sometimes we both get the best bits because we have different ideas what the best bits are.

We give each other the good bits. It would seriously turn me off to have a partner that pointedly put themself over me in that way. Bigger 'half' of a pizza wtf?

Sounds like a mummy’s boy - thinks he probably deserves all the best bits, without thinking. I really would tell him. This behaviour is actually quite off putting. Like when someone serves themselves first or gets the biggest pieces.

Chefs priveledges yes.

But we have a you cut other person chooses rule for things you cut in half like cakes etc.

This.

Maybe it should be like the scene in love actually where they all put forward their case for who deserves the final brownie.

Our dynamic is that we both work and due to DH hours Mon-Fri I cook. When the DC were little the majority of childcare was mine but when DH cooked at the weekend I’m hardly going to swap plates for the better looking roast potatoes just because I do more in the home.

It’s not that big a deal. As others have said, Chef’s privilege.