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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH serves himself the best bits

408 replies

cherriegarcia · 06/12/2022 06:36

OK this is a very small thing but when my DH is serving food he always gives me the slightly less enticing portion.

For example, the slightly smaller half of the pizza or the half with less cheese. The part of the avocado that is a little brown. The toast that is a little burnt.

I feel so petty to bring it up with him but it's a constant thing and makes me feel a bit shit. I would always give the person I'm serving the better portion, I think it's just good manners.

Anyone else's partner do this? AIBU to say something about it or do I need to get over it?

OP posts:
BlessMyCottonSocks · 07/12/2022 00:12

lookoutkid · 06/12/2022 19:49

My DH used to do this, so now I tell him that if he dishes up the plates I pick which one is mine and vice Versa!

My mum used to do similar when we were kids. One of us would slice a piece of cake or pizza in half, the other would be first to choose which piece to take.

Cue lots of veeerrrryyyyy careful measuring….🤣

GooglyEyeballs · 07/12/2022 00:23

I always give DH the best bits of meat/fish/potatoes/cheese but compensate myself with extra vegetables because I like veggies and he doesn't.

Padz · 07/12/2022 06:44

It’s just food I’m absolutely not bothered!

Purple52 · 07/12/2022 07:39

Or has he actually noticed?!
my DH wouldn’t!!!

but I would - so he knows to ask or request supervision 😉!
…. it’s called conversation !

Sunshine275 · 07/12/2022 09:20

Where me or DH are cooking without even discussing it I’ve found we both always give the other person the best bits. It’s an unspoken cooking rule of affection imo.

SoMachoHesGottaBe · 07/12/2022 09:26

In my house I do literally all the cooking. The things I know are his faves, I will serve him the best bits. The things that are my faves I get the best bits (roast potatoes especially) but I do that with the kids too.

My sons favourite meal is hunters chicken so he gets the best portion of chicken, my daughters fave food is cheese so gets the cheesiest bit etc so it all balances out x

ACynicalDad · 07/12/2022 09:31

I give myself the bigger portion as I'm twice the size of my wife, but if it's a bit burnt or something I'll take that. Try something we did when I was at school, one cuts, the other chooses, then the onus is on the cutter to make fair portions.

DerventioRising · 07/12/2022 10:42

My MIL had the perfect solution to this. Whomever serves or cuts has to give the other person first choice. That will soon sort out his selfish behaviour.

Feelallright · 07/12/2022 10:44

ACynicalDad · 07/12/2022 09:31

I give myself the bigger portion as I'm twice the size of my wife, but if it's a bit burnt or something I'll take that. Try something we did when I was at school, one cuts, the other chooses, then the onus is on the cutter to make fair portions.

Well, it could logically be suggested that’s exactly why you should get the smaller portion and she gets the larger.

ScribblingPixie · 07/12/2022 11:19

There's a lot of love on this thread!

Rockersversuswalter · 07/12/2022 11:22

ScribblingPixie · 07/12/2022 11:19

There's a lot of love on this thread!

Just not for each other.

I will say, my cooking and serving starts from the happy position of having plenty of food.

hardtodiscuss · 07/12/2022 11:29

It's always my partners egg that breaks weirdly enough- even when there are 4 eggs in the pan. And I say- oh babe I'm sorry - I broke your egg- and he says - it doesn't matter love!
And that's why I love him.
He also always takes the blame if I fart by accident 😂

KarmaStar · 07/12/2022 11:32

Think as he is,as you agree,wonderful but loves his food,you are being petty .
count your blessings😀🌈

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 07/12/2022 11:32

Good, point, do people cook exact amounts for each plate? In this climate this will get more of an issue.

I try to always do a bit extra, although most of what we cook is in big trays or pots, so lasagne, soup, stew, curry etc so there is always plenty.

Ange211 · 07/12/2022 13:13

If I cook I get the best bits. It’s chefs privilege. Interestingly though I’ve never considered if it was the other way round…I reckon my husband would give me the better bits as he’s generally a nicer person than me 🤣

LaDamaDeElche · 07/12/2022 13:45

I would always give the better bits to DD and DP. I think that’s just good manners. DP knows that I’m fussier than him about certain things - slightly burnt bits or overly ripe fruit etc, so he always tells me to give him those bits if he’s there when I’m serving up. He always gives the better bits to me if he’s cooking.

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 07/12/2022 13:46

You could always offer to serve up - and do the same

Pinchelada · 07/12/2022 13:52

I always give other people the best bits but my cooking is nice so my food is still very tasty. I want other people who eat my food to think I'm the best cook ever and I would rather they were thinking how delicious my food is, rather than me enjoying the food myself, if that makes sense! So basically I want the glory over the actual taste.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 07/12/2022 13:58

When I was a kid many years ago it was a given that the man was served first with the best food. Often my Dad would have meat and veg while the kids had beans on toast. I think historically, certainly in working class homes where food might be scarce the man was often fed first. It may be that your DH was always served the best food by his parents, who perhaps put the children first, and he had come away with a sense of entitlement to the best food. Swap the plates - its not aggressive and you can make a joke of it.

Dreamwhisper · 07/12/2022 14:50

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 07/12/2022 13:58

When I was a kid many years ago it was a given that the man was served first with the best food. Often my Dad would have meat and veg while the kids had beans on toast. I think historically, certainly in working class homes where food might be scarce the man was often fed first. It may be that your DH was always served the best food by his parents, who perhaps put the children first, and he had come away with a sense of entitlement to the best food. Swap the plates - its not aggressive and you can make a joke of it.

I was doing a bit of reading about historical diets and I definitely saw one source saying men's diets typically consited of meat, veg and cheese while women and children ate bread and water!!

GratefulCheddar · 07/12/2022 15:07

I would give the bigger portions to DH but if it’s the extra crispy bit it’s mine.

But I am cleverer than your partner and eat that little bit if heaven as I’m dishing up. So he doesn’t know.

Theoldwrinkley · 07/12/2022 17:44

When our children were little I was musing to my hubby 'at what age do you stop picking the best bits for the children'. He said he never had!

Tessabelle74 · 07/12/2022 17:47

I dish up the best bit for myself, as does my husband! 😋 If it bothers you, just dish yourself up the best bit going forwards

LookingforMaryPoppins · 07/12/2022 18:02

My husband does this too......

He isn't selfish or unkind but is greedy and struggles to share when it comes to food! He is absolutely in Smithy's camp on the takeaway front!

If food were in short supply, I would ensure the children had sufficient at my own expense but know my husband would always prioritise himself.

It irritates me and I don't like it but he is otherwise a decent sort, I put it down to his own (unhealthy) relationship with food and accept him for who he is, warts and all!

MrsPetty · 07/12/2022 18:03

That would irritate me! I’d have to say something …