I’m coming at this from a different angle op. Is your marriage registered? if not then you’re going to have to be quite smart with your money and not give up your financial independence because whilst things are good he will support you (but you’re not satisfied with his current level of support but this isn’t really about coffees is it I think you’re realising something isn’t quite right) we know what happens to many women when they take career breaks and have kids and their marriages aren’t registered or they’re unmarried.
Read the forums here on mumsnet, and ask muslim women who have ended up in shit’s creek because they were promised this and that -muslim men aren’t any more saintly than our non Muslim friends, they actually have validation to behave a certain way because ‘my money’ and ‘god said so’ they are a law unto themselves and sharia courts are useless as they can’t enforce anything which is why men don’t listen to them.
Bear that in mind before you think he wouldn’t do that to you or that he’s doing something amazing by supporting you
Things can get quite messy so if he’s keeping finances separate it’s more for his benefit.
Why not just share things when you’re sharing kids etc? Think about it. Look at marriage as a partnership rather than roles and responsibilities, but I know when you live by certain rules it’s easy to let them take over and cloud your judgement.
But I do think he’s protecting his assets from another divorce and I’m sure he walked away quite easily from the last marriage as he had nothing to lose financially.
Having said that if his wife was from abroad then their marriage most probably was registered but depends on how ignorant she was of her rights or access to advice or lawyers.
You say it wasn’t about money but you only have his side of the story.
Men can become quite financially abusive in some set ups especially when the woman gives up her job and has kids.
I know you think you’re really lucky etc but you’re at his mercy, he’s going to do what he wants to do.
I would have that property in your name first before you start giving up on your earning potential.
Make sure you go to the solicitors and see all the evidence.
Don’t let him fob you off.
Whatever he promises make sure it’s been made official.
If he’s stalling then you’ll know.
The insurance money he’s given you (is that your mahr?) won’t be worth much when you’ve supported his career by doing the child rearing and domestics without any help.
Be very careful.
The princess life is not what it’s cracked up to be, I’m sure it worked well in the Islamic utopia but modern Britain you don’t have much to fall back on unless you are properly protected.
Not just in divorce but inheritances too.
if you really are legally married then that is much easier, if he starts mistreating you just make sure you have enough money for a decent lawyer.
I wouldn’t worry about day to day spends if you’re legally married because it’s all family money anyway, he’s already financially committed by legal marriage (nikah only means nothing in this country by way of commitment) so I’m not even sure why you need insurance money ‘that you don’t touch’ when you’d be entitled to a whole lot more if you split up so that doesn’t add up to me.
So if you are legally married I wouldn’t worry about the small stuff, legally you will be entitled to half anyway but keep all evidence of your expenditures on your household too. I personally don’t like the fact he calls all the shots and you’re convincing yourself it’s okay.