AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

[destinationisland]

My sister is planning a wedding next year in the Pacific Islands. This is a 30 -40 hour flight away and will cost my family at least £5k in flights alone to get there.

We can barely afford this but were happy to go anyway for the experience and the memories. My sister just told me we need our own accommodation as there is no longer room for us in the main villa. We have been suggested to stay half a mile away. It's probably important to mention we have two children under 6 and there are no cars on this part of the island.

This change was enough for me to reconsider going but my brother (broke, single father) and parents are going and think we just need to suck it up and go.

The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago (he is Australian, so it was in middle for both our families), we were told we were being selfish and the wedding must be in my home town if we wanted my parents to come.nMy sister and future brother in law acknowledged all the stress we went through planning our wedding and trying to keep everyone happy.

We said we have moved on and are happy for them but the more I think about it the more annoyed I get (they have no connection to the pacific - just enjoyed it on their holiday one year). My husband literally only had his immediate family at our wedding because it was a big ask and expense to expect his friends to come all the way over here. My MIL is ill and we may need to fly to Australia at short notice but this wedding will take up all our holiday leave and spare funds.

TBH I wish they would just elope and have a small party at home later but I am not sure if I am being unreasonable?

@destinationisland - I really hope you've decided not to go and won't be swayed by any emotional blackmail/guilt-tripping/sheer nastiness of other family members! I do think saying you'll take your sister and maybe other family members out for a lovely meal as a wedding present and to celebrate together on their return would be a lovely gesture. I also think you should ask someone (maybe one of your sister's friends who'll be staying in the villa) to video the highlights and organize a live stream from the actual wedding on the day, so that you and others who won't physically be attending the wedding will be able to follow it from afar.
I'm sorry, I've only read the OP's posts, but it just occurs to me how awful it might be if her nuclear family were to make the expensive and tiresome journey only to find that her sister was one of those people who said children were not allowed at the wedding.. But that could never happen, surely?!

*not just saying it, doing it too!

I would simply say, sorry we can't afford it as we will have no leave or money to visit ill MIL. We'll take you out for lovely meal back home instead. Stick to it. Good luck.

Spend all your savings on seeing your mother in law before she passes away, really important for your DH say goodbye to his mother or go to your self centred sisters wedding??
If she’s putting you away from everyone else on the island, it’s a 30 - 40 hour flight to get there with 2 small children, she’s putting enough blockers there to make it difficult for you. Which is hurtful yes.
Save yourself the grief, expense & go to see your MIL instead.

Having read several responses I think I side with those people saying 'don't go'.

The accommodation situation is the icing on the cake for me.

If you do go, You should know that you will be jetlagged for 3-5 days on arrival so if you don't want to be nodding off at the wedding (I draw from experience here!!) Then plan accordingly.

I know this might not be an option but could you join the pacific Islands and aussie trip together? Sometimes there are flights that go LAX-pacific island- Australasia.

Just don’t!

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. It is also not "bad form" to consider what you may need to do in lieu of going to a destination wedding (going to see your MIL, DH's 40th etc).

Don't let your parents dictate how you spend your time or money.

I also feel bad that your parent's acted as they did when you married. It sucks when parents make an "edict" and then change their opinion when it concerns someone else.

Not so funny story: When DH and I married, it was my 2nd and his 1st. It was just us, one of DH's friends and my ex-roommate. That was it. Neither set of parents bothered to come as it would have been a 370-mile drive and in winter, though, it also could have been gotten to via plane in an hour.....🙄

Eight years later, my DB was getting married, a 2nd marriage for him and his DW. It was about the same distance but over the border. My parents didn't miss it. Want to hazard a guess as to who paid for their plane tickets, as it was too far to drive? Even "funnier", three years after that, DPs decided to by a motor home and travel during the winter months. I guess the 400-500 miles a day was "easier" as they got older.....(scratching my head). 😆

Zombie

Nothing whatsoever would have me travelling that far & that long with young children.
40 hours 3 flights - its a killer & would be a firm no from me

@destinationisland whatever happened Op? Hope you're all ok & family harmony has ensued!

(Now the thread has been resurrected, I'm curious!).

@WhatAreYouOnAbout

What kind of nutter are you to
A. Resurrect this thread?
B. Put such a boring comment?

Yes it really does take that long to get to some places. Not necessarily the time sitting on a plane but the total journey time from leaving home to arriving.

I've done the journey many times and it's a killer. I wouldn't do it with small kids, or to pander to someone else's Instagram choices.

I really don't think the poster has been waiting for 17 months for you to reply @crockofshite 😂

Zombie thread. Wish mh would lock posts apart from the op after a couple of weeks

Oops embarrassing, it popped up on my feed and I replied without checking the date.

Did she cave in and go? Or stick to her guns and tell sister NO?