AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

[destinationisland]

My sister is planning a wedding next year in the Pacific Islands. This is a 30 -40 hour flight away and will cost my family at least £5k in flights alone to get there.

We can barely afford this but were happy to go anyway for the experience and the memories. My sister just told me we need our own accommodation as there is no longer room for us in the main villa. We have been suggested to stay half a mile away. It's probably important to mention we have two children under 6 and there are no cars on this part of the island.

This change was enough for me to reconsider going but my brother (broke, single father) and parents are going and think we just need to suck it up and go.

The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago (he is Australian, so it was in middle for both our families), we were told we were being selfish and the wedding must be in my home town if we wanted my parents to come.nMy sister and future brother in law acknowledged all the stress we went through planning our wedding and trying to keep everyone happy.

We said we have moved on and are happy for them but the more I think about it the more annoyed I get (they have no connection to the pacific - just enjoyed it on their holiday one year). My husband literally only had his immediate family at our wedding because it was a big ask and expense to expect his friends to come all the way over here. My MIL is ill and we may need to fly to Australia at short notice but this wedding will take up all our holiday leave and spare funds.

TBH I wish they would just elope and have a small party at home later but I am not sure if I am being unreasonable?

I don't see why this is at all difficult.
The venue logistics are unworkable for your family. In your position I would not attend and merely provide a wedding gift that you feel appropriate.
The rest is irrelevant.

Do a "flexi-wedding". Just celebrate with them another time.

Beyond selfish expecting people to fork out for such an expensive trip and then to add insult to injury asking you to stay elsewhere.

Personally I would send my regrets. The cost not to mention taking the time off and travelling with small kids would be enough for me to say no.

Your sister is deluded

They ought to have gotten married in the UK and honeymooned in the Pacific

Don't go.
Normally people have a wedding far away to avoid people going

I wouldn’t be going in your shoes.

My brother paid for our accommodation for his wedding as it was abroad. I'd want to know why there is no longer any room at the villa. Clearly there is no longer any room for you and your family at the wedding. I've done the accomodation not near a destination wedding thing with a small child. It's horrible as all the pre-wedding events are obviously at the main location and you spend more time travelling. You also have to deal with jet-lag, kids sleeping at totally random times and kids on three different flights. Spend 5K on going to Disneyworld instead!

I'm super close to my sister but if I had 2 kids under the age of 6 and going that far and just the sheer cost I'd say no.

50% of marriages end in divorce so just go to the next one

Nothing new to add but YANBU - no way would I spend 5k on flights to attend a wedding, not even my own! And now the added insult of the accommodation? Er, hard no!

I am struggling where could be a 30-40 hour flight. Even Australia isn’t that far?? If it’s too expensive and you can’t afford it, don’t go. Simple.

It doesn't matter what your other family members are doing, if you can't afford it then you don't have to go. If she really wanted you there she should have made sure there was somewhere for you to stay. Personally I would just give my apologies and say you can't go. You have a very good excuse not to, because subjecting young children to long haul flights isn't fair on them and it won't be a fun experience for them

Easy. The fastest flights available london to melb australia are 24 hours flying time there and 27,28 back. Lots take a bit longer than that, and that’s a two leg flight with a couple of hours transit half way, so you’d touch ground in oz 26 hours or 30 hours after taking off in london or vice versa, ignoring the airport and travel time each side. The op is headed to a pacific beach so you’d land in oz, wait another few hours and get on a 3rd flight.
then where are you going? Sydney to Fiji is 4 hours. Basically you’ll spend over 30 hours travelling to get there on the shorter direction if you take the shortest flights possible which they may not be able to. Travel still takes time to some parts of the world!!

I am assuming they are not taking the direct london to Perth flight which is only 20 hours flight time.

I think they will be surprised by how few people actually go once they start looking in to vista. It's easy to say yes when you haven't paid any money but it's another thing booking it.
I wouldn't go, my sister would never expect that of us and vice versa.

In the end, you must do what your gut tells you, but given your MILs condition and that you may need your limited funds to visit her, I’d say don’t go to the wedding. Explain that it has all become too expensive and unmanageable. Your sister needs to know that it is her (selfish) choices that have made it too difficult for you to attend. I hear what you are saying about your brother, maybe he will be relieved at your decision and it will be able to make the decision that is best for him as a result. Anyone who doesn’t approve of your decision, will soon get over it.

Ok!
So it’s kind of one of the furthest places away that you could possibly get married. She can’t be expecting many people to make the trip. I would only make that trip for someone super close and if I wanted to holiday there anyway….during school holidays. And if I had the budget!

I wouldn’t go. Sick to death of these destination weddings. Wish them well and say no thanks

Absolutely do not go and don’t feel guilty. This is a ridiculous expense. What a selfish couple expecting you to go!

If your Dsis wants all her friends and family there then she should get married at home, and then have a fabulous beach honeymoon. If it must be a beach wedding they must accept that it's going to be a small wedding party.

Destination Weddings are the epitome of self indulgent bull-sh*t. Suggest a lovely Party/ Reception when they get home.

It sounds like a massive waste of money. Don’t go! Spend the money on a family holiday somewhere you want to go to. Your sister will get over it.

@destinationisland I don’t think couples should invite guests to their destination wedding unless they’re paying for accommodation. £5k for flights alone is ridiculous, especially as it won’t be a proper family holiday where you can do what you want. Your ‘holiday’ will be dictated by your sister (who isn’t paying). Your brother is stupid for risking his mortgage payments to afford to attend his sister’s wedding.

Save your pennies for a visit to Aus.

See family, especially your MIL. Celebrate a milestone birthday. Give your children memories of their Dads home and family.

It's still going to cost plenty but it's going to be money well spent. The guilt you'd feel if you don't see MIL will be harder to deal with than missing your sisters wedding when she's made it clear you're low down on the guest list.

I think you need to prioritse your husband and his family as it sounds like you need to visit them instead.

It was many years ago but when my dh and I decided to marry abroad we didn't expect anyone to come. It was for us, an exciting adventure, so a celebration at home should be an alternative. Considering what you went through for your own wedding, yes they are being unreasonable. I really just can't understand how some people expect others to spend a fortune for one day. X

Aplogiesnif I’ve missed it, but how many children do you have and how old? Your best bet schedule wise is almost certainly with Air New Zealand, but I can easily see that costing north of £2k per adult, and if the children need a seat then the same for them. And if they don’t, for 20 plus hours I’d have to get them a seat anyway…it’d be intolerable otherwise!!

So you’ve already blown £5k without a couple of weeks accommodation, food an entertainment. This trip will easily cost your family £10k, and while I’d be happy to spend that to go to a Pacific island, I’d want to do it at a time to suit me and as a fantastic holiday. Not to suit a demanding bride to be!