AIBU being annoyed about my sister's destination wedding

[destinationisland]

My sister is planning a wedding next year in the Pacific Islands. This is a 30 -40 hour flight away and will cost my family at least £5k in flights alone to get there.

We can barely afford this but were happy to go anyway for the experience and the memories. My sister just told me we need our own accommodation as there is no longer room for us in the main villa. We have been suggested to stay half a mile away. It's probably important to mention we have two children under 6 and there are no cars on this part of the island.

This change was enough for me to reconsider going but my brother (broke, single father) and parents are going and think we just need to suck it up and go.

The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago (he is Australian, so it was in middle for both our families), we were told we were being selfish and the wedding must be in my home town if we wanted my parents to come.nMy sister and future brother in law acknowledged all the stress we went through planning our wedding and trying to keep everyone happy.

We said we have moved on and are happy for them but the more I think about it the more annoyed I get (they have no connection to the pacific - just enjoyed it on their holiday one year). My husband literally only had his immediate family at our wedding because it was a big ask and expense to expect his friends to come all the way over here. My MIL is ill and we may need to fly to Australia at short notice but this wedding will take up all our holiday leave and spare funds.

TBH I wish they would just elope and have a small party at home later but I am not sure if I am being unreasonable?

And still no link 😂

@FleasNavidad

U OK hun? Is it past your bedtime? School tomorrow!

@FleasNavidad is overtired. 😂 Have a snickers bar 'fleas' ... you're not YOU when you're hungry!

I'm not sure what the point of the derail is? @FleasNavidad posted around 6.15 this morning showing flights to Bora Bora were over 30hrs and c£1700 pp?

I've done a quick Expedia search and can easily see this.

Are you both implying the OP is wrong and the flight times and cost are not as she says? Does this mean you think she is unreasonable?

I've no idea what these posts are meant to point out other than you haven't got a specific link to something that can be easily googled? What did I miss?

Thanks @CraneBoysMysteries I'm stumped tbh. I searched flights very early this morning and posted when pps were accusing the OP of lying about flight costs. I found that there are in fact flights for that price and posted it.

@Goodgrief82 has spent half the day banging on about a link. To get a link, I'd have to go back and search for it all again when anyone can quite easily do that themselves. Why the fuck would I take the time to do that again? 🙈 bizarre

@PurpleButterflyWings are you ok? Or are you unable to do a simple search too?

Strange

For the love of all that is holy, can people stop banging on about specific flights, costs and counter arguments about it, unless there's some sort of nomination for most pointless and boring thread derail.

Flights are expensive, flights take a long time - that's the precis no matter what expedia search people want to spend their time doing.

"For the love of all that is holy, can people stop banging on about specific flights"

Ideally yes, at about 6am this morning. Until some random poster who apparently can't work the internet tagged me about 25 times asking for a link 😅

FFS just say no. Not enough cash; not enough annual leave; not enough fucks given 🤷‍♀️

Why are you being weird?

So. They gave you grief for getting married in Thailand, but now they’ll punish you if you don’t go 5000 miles to your sister’s wedding out in the Pacific? And they’ve pushed you out of the main house like you’re the red-headed stepchild?

Allow me to count the many ways this pisses me off on your behalf, @destinationisland.

Don’t give in to bullies. I hate bullies. Stand up for yourself — in the long run, they won’t even notice you aren’t there, will they.

What Australian wedding?

The thing that really bothers me is that when my husband and I were planning a wedding in Thailand 10 years ago (he is Australian, so it was in middle for both our families), we were told we were being selfish and the wedding must be in my home town if we wanted my parents to come

For those that missed it...

@Goodgrief82

This thread isn’t about you and your obsession over flight prices.
Start a new thread if you’re so preoccupied that you’re bound and determined to derail @destinationisland’s entire conversation.
You’re ridiculous.

For @Goodgrief82

Let me Google that for you

At the end of the day, you need to do what is right for your family. Others may not like it, however it's not on them that is having to do this and are in this position.

I had similar, I had a family member get married in Asia and my family live in Australia. Only Mum went, the rest of us stayed back. They streamed what they could and we made the best of the situation and celebrated when they got back.

I would not go. And I love my sister and she's never insisted that my own wedding was changed to suit her! but I simply wouldn't spend money on going to something that expensive that's effectively just a big party.
It will cause fall out but that has to be a price worth paying.. I imagine your husband is not impressed at the thought of you all flying for a party but not being able to fly home to his family.
The only thing I was wondering was whether you could use this as a jump off to go onto Australia? (And quite possibly not as the Pacific is huge). But if you could go, attend the wedding for a day or two, then travel on to Australia for a proper holiday with your dh's family then I'd consider it.

I’d just say that it’s going to be too difficult wit the children if not in the main villa. You were on the edge anyway but this has tipped the balance. So you’ve reassessed and you won’t be able to come.

YANBU
Are your brother and parents staying in the villa with your sister?
I wouldn't go - it's a hell of a lot of money! Some people spend that on a budget wedding of their own, not just as a guest!
If you get any flack from your family, I would tell them that it is simply too much money and that the change in accommodation has made it a lot more inconvenient with two small children, never mind the flights alone.
If they get funny with you, just remind them about what you would have liked for your wedding and that's its unfair to have one rule for one and one for the other!!
Also that it is very important that you leave enough money to one side (and leave), incase your husband does 'get that call,' in the future. You only get one Mother.
You could always plan a little party for your sister and your BIL for when they return, as a gift from you and your family. Hire a village hall or something similar, small buffet and invite people who were unable to make it to their wedding as a surprise. Still charge something per head to guests, but maybe hire the hall yourselves as the gift.
Good luck x

Could you go alone?

My sister is like my best friend we are very close but she chose to get married on a two week cruise, I couldn’t afford it so I couldn’t go and that was that. I’m sad I didn’t get to see her get married but that was what she wanted and I respect that.

Two words together I absolutely hate is 'Destination Wedding'. Save your money and don't go, not only have you been evicted out of the main house but your time there won't be your own. You'll have to dance to whatever nonsense the wedding party plans with probably little regard to your young children. I promise you, you'll have memories but they won't be happy ones. You say you've already been to Aus and you need a new reliable car and I'm afraid when adulting, limited to zero funds are the priority. I also hope that in a few years time you can renew your vowels in Thailand, surrounded by you DH family and friends xx

YANBU

Don’t go, ignore any negative response you get from the family.

They impacted your own wedding and your DH’s family and friends being there, now they get to expect you to spend a large amount of money and time off to attend a wedding which may affect your husband being able to see his sick mother. Put yourself in your husbands shoes, if I was in this situation I would have to put his best interests before this wedding.

"I always thought we were close but kicking us out of the main house so her (childfree) friends can stay and party has honestly hurt me so much."

That's all I need to hear. You would be a fool to go - even just you (you'd be completely on your own and miserable, if so).

Hate to say it but some of this screams gaslighting.

I really feel for you, put yourself and your own family first because nobody else is going to