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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

508 replies

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:02

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

OP posts:
RodiganReed · 05/12/2022 18:06

I would have put my dog back on its lead, especially as you were on a path bordered by water on one side, bit different if you were in a wide open space

Mouk · 05/12/2022 18:06

YABU

You should have the dog on a lead either way, but especially when explained to you that the child was afraid of dogs.

My daughter was attacked by a dog as a toddler and it petrified of dogs. I cannot believe how entitled you are.

ArrrrrghStopLickingTheDog · 05/12/2022 18:06

No you couldn't have known but I've always put my dog into heel and held their collar once I'm told
It's more reassuring for the child IMO

Keyansier · 05/12/2022 18:07

You were completely unreasonable. I personally really dislike dogs and scared of them. You chose to put the wants of you and your barking animal ahead of the fears of a young child and seem to be proud and showing off about it. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 18:08

Just put your dog on a lead, for heaven’s sake.

Becgoz7 · 05/12/2022 18:09

If your dog has impeccable recall and there is no way it would go near the kid then there's no problem.

Thunderpunt · 05/12/2022 18:10

Hard hat time OP good luck! Ywnbu

londonrach · 05/12/2022 18:10

Dog back on lead. Yabu

Idontwantafuckingusername · 05/12/2022 18:10

You weren't being unreasonable since the dog came back when called, but I would have put the lead on until the child went past, purely because children that are scared of dogs have a tendency to scream and wave their arms about when they're in the vicinity of a dog, which can be construed as an invitation to play. There was no need for the man to have been so rude to you, though.

Bedazzled22 · 05/12/2022 18:11

Personally, I think dogs should be kept on leads on paths. Having been attacked and bitten by a dog when I was young I am nervous of dogs. However you did call your dog back which was good. It was unreasonable of the man to mutter unpleasantly.

Dog owners need to be respectful of other people. YOU know your dog won’t hurt anybody but other people don’t know that and that is the problem.

purpleboy · 05/12/2022 18:11

Your dog didn't go near the child so you did nothing wrong, but at the same time they do not know your dog so wouldn't know it was fine.

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:12

Just to clarify. It’s a tiny stream down a bank. It was far enough from the path that the kid barely noticed the dog as it went by and didn’t seem afraid at all. To me that seems healthier for the kid to see than putting the dog back on the lead and making it seem like something to fear.

there was also someone behind me with their dog off the lead, it’s very normal down there and no one usually minds.

the kid was reaching the age where they start to play out alone so to me the parents should be trying to address that fear rather than never letting the kid be near a dog.

but then I’m aware of the mumsnet stance on dogs.

OP posts:
Bluelightbaby · 05/12/2022 18:12

So you recalled the dog before it made contact and took the dog to an area away from the child - right ? If so that was perfectly reasonable in my mind ?

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 05/12/2022 18:14

I am a dog owner and want to add a couple of things:

  1. You didn't have to say anything about your dog liking kids. It was unnecessary and probably sounded like you were dismissing the dad and his DDs fear of dogs. I mean who cares what your dog likes?
  2. You should have put your dog on the lead. Not because it was required in law or in practice, your dog is obviously well trained. But because the child would have felt more secure, less threatened.

YANBU in your actions but you could have had more compassion for the kid!

MavisMcMinty · 05/12/2022 18:14

YANBU imo, but that’s because I see fear of dogs as a terrible social disability, they’re absolutely everywhere and the vast majority are perfectly lovely individuals who’d never dream of harming or frightening people. But people scared of dogs will put all the blame on dogs and their owners in situations like these.

My last springer spaniel cured 3 separate families of children of their fear of dogs, it’s my civic duty to help.

hallesmelly · 05/12/2022 18:15

If your dog came back when recalled and didn't approach the child I don't see what the issue is. Having said that sometimes I do feel nervous when I see an off lead dog when im walking my on lead dog because you just don't know if it's going to come up to you or not. The amount of times we've had a nice walk ruined by other peoples dogs bugging my on lead dog is ridiculous. It's so inconsiderate and actually quite frightening even when they are 'friendly'.
But it doesn't sound like your dog did that so not sure what their problem is really.

Original poster
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:15

Bluelightbaby · 05/12/2022 18:12

So you recalled the dog before it made contact and took the dog to an area away from the child - right ? If so that was perfectly reasonable in my mind ?

Yes. That’s exactly what I did.

OP posts:
CongaLine · 05/12/2022 18:16

Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

That's a decision for the parent(s) to make, not the dog-owner. They're the ones who will know the background behind the fear and the personality and needs of the child.

I get that you meant well but in this case YABU.

FurAndFeathers · 05/12/2022 18:16

Mouk · 05/12/2022 18:06

YABU

You should have the dog on a lead either way, but especially when explained to you that the child was afraid of dogs.

My daughter was attacked by a dog as a toddler and it petrified of dogs. I cannot believe how entitled you are.

so the OP who considerately recalled her dog and moved her dog away a safe distance so the child could pass by is entitled.

but you, expecting every dog in the world to be on a lead so your child never comes across them, and the man being rude to her, are not?

makes perfect sense Confused

Picoloangel · 05/12/2022 18:16

YABVU

I have a dog who is well trained, good recall and keeps herself to herself. My DD as a young child was absolutely terrified of dogs and if I see a child always ask the parents of the child is OK with dogs. I would absolutely have put my dog on the lead. Some dog owners were awful to us when DD was little and I’ve never forgotten it.

Going for a walk in the countryside doesn’t mean every person you meet has to love your dog and submit to being approached, jumped up etc. I get jumped up all the time and it really annoys me as my dog doesn’t do it. I’m a dog lover but getting jumped up, having to put up with badly trained dogs etc makes me really cross.

XelaM · 05/12/2022 18:17

Mumsnet is a nest for dog-haters but OP I personally find it ridiculous when people scream and run away just seeing a dog minding his own business. My dog is not even interested in them and just sniffs around doing his own thing whilst some kids and adults scream and run away. Totally nuts. I wouldn't put my dog on the lead when he's not doing anything wrong. It's not my problem some people have irrational fears. I own a toy breed by the way, not an angry Rottweiler.

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 18:17

My last springer spaniel cured 3 separate families of children of their fear of dogs, it’s my civic duty to help.
😂😂😂😂😂

Seeline · 05/12/2022 18:18

As a parent of a child who was knocked over three times on different occasions when small by dogs off leads in public spaces, as well as being jumped on several times by loose dogs, I think all dogs should be on leads unless on private land, or specially enclosed areas.

All these dogs were 'friendly' - I'm sure my DD appreciated that fact as they stood over her.

It took until her early teens to not be terrified.

YellowTreeHouse · 05/12/2022 18:18

YABU. Dog should have been on a lead.

It’s irrelevant that your dog is “friendly”. It’s irrelevant if “most people do it”. It’s irrelevant if “nobody usually minds”.

Putting the mutt on a lead doesn’t make it something to fear. It makes you a sensible and responsible dog owner.

TheGuv1982 · 05/12/2022 18:18

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but there is a focus on dogs of lead at the moment, and the number of shitty owners with badly trained dogs has exploded since lockdown.

People perhaps rightfully expect the worst.