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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

508 replies

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:02

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

OP posts:
FleasNavidad · 05/12/2022 18:42

"theres no such thing as dog parks"

Eh? There are where I live and dog beaches too.

Whatifiwereareindeer · 05/12/2022 18:43

GuyFawkesDay · 05/12/2022 18:39

Once again for the ignorant

the dog did not go near the humans

theres no such thing as dog parks

Oh yes there are - there’s a field local to me that is a “dog park” - available for dog owners to let their dogs off lead and run around/train on obstacles. It’s called “X Town dog park”. In England. No, it’s not a free council run municipal park, but I don’t think that’s the point.

BogRollBOGOF · 05/12/2022 18:43

"Friendly" is a euphamism for "a poorly trained nuisance". It's "friendly dogs that have caused my DCs to be very nervous around dogs by bowling them over as toddlers, snatching food and sticks out of their hands and jumping up at them.

Recalling your dog and holding it/ putting it on a lead ideally before or at the first sign of triggering distress is important. Your actions were fine, but you absolutely will not cure random children's fear of random dogs by allowing it to approach and sniff around them; it's akin to me catching a spider near an arachnophobe and showing it off around them.

At 9, getting bigger than dogs has calmed DS2 a lot. I encourage him to try and stand still and calmly. DS1 at 12 is much more resistant because he's autistic. He's at an age of developing his independence and his fear of poorly controlled dogs who are not recalled is a significant hinderence. Every time an owner fails to recall their dog, it reinforces the problem and no wonder there's a lot of poorly controlled dogs when their owners can't respond appropriately to their own species being in distress, let alone deal with another species.

I don't hate dogs, quite the reverse; it just gets very frustrating after a decade of the proportion of poor dog owners regularly causing distress.
Using your dog's training to recall it and keep it close on the lead until the moment passes is the right approach.

darjeelingrose · 05/12/2022 18:43

YABU. I don't care if your dog likes children, why do you think that makes any difference? A child who is scared of dogs is scared of dogs. It's not that complicated. The correct answer in this case is sorry, and you should have put your dog on a lead. Since when does your "belief" about what kids should or should not be scared of come into it? You are incredibly entitled not to put the dog on a lead. If you had have met me, I wouldn't have just muttered! In what universe do you think it's ok? The child screamed, and you are all "my dog likes kids" you need to take a good look at yourself, dog owners like you give the other nice ones a bad name.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:44

Cup0fAmbition · 05/12/2022 18:40

It’s not “a mumsnet stance on dogs”. It’s a commonly-held view that dogs are annoying pests, and their owners are entitled and ignorant. Ask me IRL my opinion on dogs, and I’ll tell you. I think you’ll find that many many people can’t stand dogs. But most people don’t discuss such things in public, so maybe that’s why you don’t realise.

Having a fear of dogs is valid. It’s not irrational, it’s not an unhealthy phobia. They have teeth. They have been known to bite, claw, knock over. My kids and I don’t want to be nuzzled on or slobbered over. Get your dog(s) away from people unless you are 100% certain that they welcome your mutt.

I’ll say it again.

my dog was never closer then than about 5 meters to the kid. I mover her off the larger to the stream before the kid was anywhere near. The kid barely notice her as he passed.

I don’t allow her to go up to people unless invited.

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 05/12/2022 18:44

It is wrong that dogs are allowed in so many places though. It basically rules out all parks, lots of cafes and most of the countryside, most beaches, as people let their dogs out of sight or just run riot, steal food etc. Many many people avoid places they would love due to dog owners prioritising their weird love over children's safety.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:44

sorry. Off the path to the stream

OP posts:
eyeslikebutterflies · 05/12/2022 18:44

I live in the biggest conurbation outside London. I have lived in several other places across the UK. There have been no "dog parks" anywhere. Dog beaches, i.e. beaches dogs are allowed on year-round, yes. "Dog parks" no.

CrazyDogLady2022 · 05/12/2022 18:45

Mouk · 05/12/2022 18:25

Of course I don't expect every dog in the world to be on a lead, Don't be so obtuse!

Dogs off leash have a place, and that is a dedicated dog park.

The OP should not have had the dog off leash in the first place as it was not a dedicated dog park.

Not that it's any of your business, but my daughter is tackling her phobia via therapy. Have some compassion for goodness sake, she will bear the scars from the dog attack for the rest of her life.

The OP had her dog under control. Legally it has to be kept under control, NOT on a lead, so they weren’t in the wrong according to the law.

I would have personally put my own dogs back on the lead in order to reassure the child, but I certainly don’t walk them off lead in any dog parks because I prefer to keep them away from other dogs and actually, I’m as entitled to walk them off lead in any place they are allowed… provided they are under control. Which they are…

darjeelingrose · 05/12/2022 18:45

hallesmelly · 05/12/2022 18:42

The absolute irony of people calling the op entitled while failing to recognise she has as much right to be in a public place with her well behaved dog as the rude man and child.

I always find this sort of comment weird. No person has ever got up in my face and jumped on me in a park. Dogs have though.

milawops · 05/12/2022 18:46

I don't think you were in the wrong for how you handled it. Personally I would have put mine on the lead but that's because last time I encountered a child that was scared of dogs his dad decided the best way to deal with it was to swing a bloody great stick at my dobermans head 🙄

DuchessDandelion · 05/12/2022 18:47

You were fine. Responsible dog owner, no needs for hysteria.

BlueLabel · 05/12/2022 18:47

GuyFawkesDay as an aside there are a couple of "dog parks" near me. Normally areas of public parks sectioned off with dog bins and fencing.

Not that I would take mine there, they tend to teach awful socialisation and manners in dogs and are pretty rife for dog attacks.

Thesearmsofmine · 05/12/2022 18:47

Originally I thought YWNBU but after reading your later responses where you are dismissing phobias and say a 7/8 year old should have worked on it without knowing their background then I think YABU.
I bet you came across to them as one of the shitty eye rolling ‘he’s friendly’ types of dog owners that seem to be so prevalent. No issue to me, I love dogs but my friends child is terrified of them and the amount of dog owners who happily let their dogs bound up to a clearly petrified child is ridiculous. I bet they were worried that your dog would come up to then as they passed as soon many others allow it.

Cup0fAmbition · 05/12/2022 18:47

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:44

I’ll say it again.

my dog was never closer then than about 5 meters to the kid. I mover her off the larger to the stream before the kid was anywhere near. The kid barely notice her as he passed.

I don’t allow her to go up to people unless invited.

Five meters is nothing for a medium-sized “slightly mad” dog. You know that, right? It could be on that child in seconds.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:47

darjeelingrose · 05/12/2022 18:43

YABU. I don't care if your dog likes children, why do you think that makes any difference? A child who is scared of dogs is scared of dogs. It's not that complicated. The correct answer in this case is sorry, and you should have put your dog on a lead. Since when does your "belief" about what kids should or should not be scared of come into it? You are incredibly entitled not to put the dog on a lead. If you had have met me, I wouldn't have just muttered! In what universe do you think it's ok? The child screamed, and you are all "my dog likes kids" you need to take a good look at yourself, dog owners like you give the other nice ones a bad name.

The kid was about 20 meters away when it screamed.

I immediately called my dog back to me and as I got to the man (who was not the kids father, but possibly the father of his friend) who was well in front of them. He spoke to me and I moved to the stream.

So my dog isn’t allowed to play in a stream away from the path? It’s not like I made him walk right by her. There was always at least 5 meters between them.

mumsnet is a mad place

OP posts:
FleasNavidad · 05/12/2022 18:48

@eyeslikebutterflies I've lived in 2 towns in the uk both of which have specific, named dog parks. There is one at the end of my street. It even has dog training areas and the rest is a huge expanse of grass for them to run off lead and dig.

We also have seasonal beaches, all year round beaches and one specific dog beach, there's a little cafe/hut there that sells coffee, dog treats, tennis balls and the like. It's intended for dogs and nobody else uses it.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:49

Cup0fAmbition · 05/12/2022 18:47

Five meters is nothing for a medium-sized “slightly mad” dog. You know that, right? It could be on that child in seconds.

But it wouldn’t, because I know my dog and it was far enough that the kids actually barely noticed it.

OP posts:
Clymene · 05/12/2022 18:49

You know your dog was entirely under your control but they didn't. You could have put her on her lead which would have reassured the child rather than trying to teach her a lesson which wasn't yours to teach.

Hopeandglory · 05/12/2022 18:49

I am a dog lover and unphased by dogs but when I was out for a walk with my DD and a dog fearing friend many years ago I was amazed at her grabbing DD and lifting her shoulder high when a dog randomly approached, the dog was not interested but my friend was so scared that her initially thought was to protect DD, it was illuminating to see how fear manifests itself. Both my friends DD's were petrified of dogs

Cup0fAmbition · 05/12/2022 18:49

Boomboom22 · 05/12/2022 18:44

It is wrong that dogs are allowed in so many places though. It basically rules out all parks, lots of cafes and most of the countryside, most beaches, as people let their dogs out of sight or just run riot, steal food etc. Many many people avoid places they would love due to dog owners prioritising their weird love over children's safety.

I agree. I hate how dog people have infiltrated everywhere. Shops, restaurants, even cinemas.

FleasNavidad · 05/12/2022 18:50

"my dog was never closer then than about 5 meters to the kid."

The room I'm sitting in is 5 metres. If a slightly bonkers dog was at the other side of it it could reach me in 1 second

stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 18:50

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:49

But it wouldn’t, because I know my dog and it was far enough that the kids actually barely noticed it.

But other people don’t know your dog!

GoodVibesHere · 05/12/2022 18:51

RandomPerson42 · 05/12/2022 18:42

Maybe the parents should have the child on a lead?
Plenty of kids get bitten by dogs due to them teasing them.
You an’t always blame the animal.

I think your actions were fine and you are a responsible dog owner. If it was a narrow alley where you would have to pass in close proximity that would have been totally different.

A child on a lead? You're a bit weird.

When will dogs stop being put before humans Sad

RIPhouseplants · 05/12/2022 18:51

Yanbu your dog was under control and never approached the child! You and your dogs did absolutely nothing wrong.

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