It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

[Ohhelpicantthinkofaname]

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

And it’s not the ‘call’ of random parents to dictate how the OP manages her dog 🤷‍♀️

So long as your dog was away from them and not hassling them I don't see a problem. The kid is the parents responsibility not yours. If the kid needs reassurance that's for the parents to do.

You seem to know the child really well OP, you know what they are and aren't scared of and to what extent so why are you asking everyone's opinion?

Matter of fact, you told us within the first sentence your dog is mad and then you get upset when others are saying you should have put it on a lead.

What we're you aiming to achieve by posting this?

@Mouk

you seem to be confusing your personal preference with some kind of legislation.
dog parks don’t even exist in many places - yet you’re dictating dog owners must only use these none existent places despite no requirement except your personal preference? Yep totally not entitled.

You also seem to be conflating me pointing out the ludicrousness of your expectation and entitlement with a lack of compassion. I’m very sorry for your daughters experience - I’m sure it was dreadful. But that dreadful experience does not give you the right to dictate your personal rules and expect everyone else to follow them.

I’ll tell you why my child of that age is afraid - repeatedly being approached/chased/bowled over by dogs. Whose owners swear they have never done anything like that before, while shouting ineffectually at their dog to behave. You might be that exceptional dog owner with a well behaved animal that has no interest in my child, but I have absolutely no way of knowing that until it’s too late, my child’s fear has been reinforced yet again. Five metres is absolutely nothing, if your dog is that close to people who don’t like dogs it ought to be on a lead.

How is that remotely relevant?

I’d have done what you did OP.

Exactly this^^

I thought it was a good thing that the kid actually ended up with a positive dog encounter having been afraid at first.

You are not the parent though - you don’t get to decide when and how the child encounters a dog.

Imagine your dog being extremely afraid of bikes because of a past experience.

Would you be ok with a load of cyclists deciding that your dog needs to have a positive encounter so kept riding around him even though you asked them not to, or would you as his owner decide how you were going to help him?

I can name at least 2 kids who have crazy phobias of dogs even though they’ve never been close enough to one to have a bad experience and their parents love dogs.

They are both ND and it’s just something they really struggle with and will often have a panic attack, soil themselves and not sleep.
They need to encounter pictures of dogs and be ok with them (can’t even look at photos) before they can even think about seeing one in person - this child could have easily been one of them.

🤣🤣🤣🙄🤦‍♀️

Seems like a bit of an over reaction.

Ddog never went anywhere near him. I could understand all these responses if she had gone up to him or if made him walk right by her on a narrow path, but if you read my responses that’s not what happened.

You did nothing wrong. In fact you were quite accommodating. If this family are desperate not to meet dogs off the lead they need to avoid outdoor public spaces, to be honest.

🙄🤦‍♀️
And when Fireworks night comes around , on come the dog lovers saying how fireworks should be restricted or even banned becuase their darling little pouch is frightened of the loud banging noises
dont hear them say we’ll take the dog to a firework display to get them used to the noise and conquer the dogs fear

Very sane and reasonable response: people with dog phobias shouldn’t go outside. Or, slightly easier solution: dog leads!

Neither she nor her dog actually did anything though but mind their own business. None of the above is the ops fault or responsibility. She did nothing wrong. If these children can't even look at photos of dogs then what difference would the OP having the dog on a lead actually do anyway? Dog owners can't make their dogs disappear at will, all they can do is ensure they behave and that is exactly what the OP did.

The problem is, so many owners say something along the lines of 'oh but he's friendly,' pull the dog to one side for a second and then let it bound over anyway. Obviously the man shouldn't have been rude to you, but he didn't know that your dog would behave.

I was never afraid of dogs as a child, but a relative's dog bit me a couple of years ago (unprovoked - it's a rescue and has had a hard life, not that that makes it ok!) Now I am working very hard to not pass on my fear to my kids. Of course it's difficult because people let their dogs run up to my children and they've been knocked over more than once. Yes, the dog is friendly, but no, it's not gentle, and not a pleasant experience for my toddler.

The people who insist their dog is friendly frighten me more than anyone else, because so often they let their dog jump all over me, so I must admit that now when I hear anything along the lines I tense up.

Not that it's wrong for you to say that your dog is friendly, but because so many muppets say their dog is friendly when what they actually mean is that they have no intention of controlling that dog.... If I were you, I would avoid saying it… Just so you don't come across as one of those people!

You were completely unreasonable. I personally really dislike dogs and scared of them. You chose to put the wants of you and your barking animal ahead of the fears of a young child and seem to be proud and showing off about it. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Except the dog wasn't barking or, in fact, doing anything at all except minding it's own business and showing no interest in this child whatsoever.

I think its you who needs to consider others, the whole world can't revolve around your phobia.

Yeah I get that.

but if my child was so cripplingly afraid of dogs, I would one be working on that fear and two wouldn’t be taking them on a popular dog walking route until they could cope with being around dogs. There are plenty of other routes that don’t involve going down that path where everyone Aleks their dog.

It's a none issue OP. Your dog was under control. You moved them away from the child and people and nothing happened.

My dog goes off lead. We'd have just done the same as you or asked him to come and sit until they walked past.

In which case YANBU at all.

I’ve had similar before, except I’ve had children screaming and running away (sometimes into the road!!) to get away from my dog who is on a lead and hasn’t even noticed them! The worst was when a mum leapt into the road, knocking her child over as she did so, as I was crossing the road to their side. Thank goodness there wasn’t any traffic about.

Fireworks should be banned because people are too daft to use them safely and, despite extensive safety campaigns, insist on causing havoc for the fire brigade and the NHS, as well as damaging other people's property.

My dogs, otoh, couldn't give less of a toss about them.

YABU putting this on MN, it’s notoriously anti dog! Reminded me of an occasion when I was waiting outside the play park with my dog, on a lead, minding our own business. A child about 10 came over and stood directly in front of us and said ‘I don’t like dogs’ so I told her to go away then and stop bothering us. It was not what she was expecting! Clearly a mumsnetter in the making!

Isn’t it weird when kids do that. If they don’t like dogs, why are they coming up to tell me? Stay away!

I just end up telling them my dog doesn’t like them either, they generally tend to look quite put out! Weirdly.

It’s good if your dog is friendly and has good recall etc but strangers don’t know that so they’re right to be cautious.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Some crazy dog hating loons on here.

I get that some are scared of dogs but surely it would be better to try and get your child to not be scared of them and this was a child aged 7-9 not a toddler.

You moved so you were nowhere near the child, you know your dog is not going to run to them so I don't see any problem at all.

I have a big dog and seeing children screech and their parents pick them up and, usually, rush across the road just seems ridiculous. My dog is always on a lead and when there is anyone near I have right next to me.

Some people act like I have a tiger on a lead